5-6 months out for invites too early?

posted 4 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Are you not doing stds? If you do stds, put a website on it with hotel details and send the invites 2-3 months out.

If no std, then yes, send them out 4 months early.

Post # 4
Member
11098 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Since you are asking as an etiquette question, it’s inappropriate to mail any wedding invitation that early. With a wedding that size it should be easy enough to send a heads up and any advance booking information to your out of towners.

Post # 5
Member
6096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

hickoryhills :  We put a note on our save the dates about hotels – there is no rule that you can’t put a little more information. They don’t need the time, they don’t need the church, but a town and the hotel blocks can be useful.

Post # 6
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

TBH here in Canada I’m pretty sure that 3-6 months out is pretty standard… I’ve certainly never recieved an invitation within a month of a wedding! That seems crazy to me considering how fast peoples schedules fill up these days. Actually, the last few I attended I’m pretty sure we got the invitations at least 6 months out. And my brother and Future Sister-In-Law who are getting married this coming August sent their invites out to the across the countrty guests last week. 

If that isn’t normal where you live, then maybe do electronic save the dates? Or even just message or phone a few family members to let them know you’ve set a date and location and ask them to spread the word to the rest of the fam?

Post # 7
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

We are in a similar situation, our “save the dates” were just telling the people we’re inviting that we’re getting married 5/25 and in Maine.  We’ll be sending the invites out in January for our wedding so everyone has time to book hotels and flights if they haven’t yet.  Our wedding is pretty small though, max 40 guests…

Post # 8
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with Sboom. I never get invitations only 6 weeks before the wedding.

I sent mine 5 months beforehand and had all the replies in by 8 weeks beforehand. I certainly didn’t hear any complaints, or have any issues with it. And people DID book flights and accomm straight away.

I don’t really understand why it’s etiquette to send them only 6-8 weeks beforehand. It seems considerate of your guests to give them as much time to plan as possible, esp if they’re travelling. It would also seem to cause an unnecessary mad rush to me if you didn’t know who was coming until 4 (?) weeks before the wedding when you need to know this information for so many things.

Post # 9
Member
5776 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t mind getting early invites, but I HATE early RSVPs. Send out invites whenever you want, but keep your RSVP date 2-4 weeks prior to the actual wedding date. 

Post # 10
Member
5776 posts
Bee Keeper

secondtimer18 :  It would also seem to cause an unnecessary mad rush to me if you didn’t know who was coming until 4 (?) weeks before the wedding when you need to know this information for so many things.

What do you need to know the exact number people coming prior to 4 weeks out? Your caterer isn’t buying meat 4 weeks prior, your venue isn’t setting up charis 4 weeks prior. It’s really not a mad rush at all.

Post # 11
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We did save the dates (and we have like almost 200 people coming in from out of town) and just put hotel info and our wedding website on them. Then we put the direct link to book on our wedding webiste. My mom also emailed the out of town family and we let the out of town bridal party members know where to book. So we kinda came at it from all angles. 

I agree with PP that with so few people, you can just e-mail or share that information pretty easily, and then send the actual invite out 6-8 weeks in advance 

Post # 12
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I am sending mine out 8 months before if that helps. I really couldn’t care less what etiquette says. People tend to book holidays in January so I am sending them then. It seems perfectly sensible to me. RSVP is 7 weeks before. 4 weeks seems like a mad rush to me, I would like to be able to buy favours, do place names, sort out tables in good time – it’s not just about catering, there is rather a lot of other stuff to consider. 

Still I am at least now braced for everyone to be massively offended by it all (I really don’t think they will be). 

Weddings are funny things….. so many rules….  

Post # 13
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

jellybellynelly :  well, your budget for one… if you end up with 30% of your guests RSVPing no that leaves you a lot more wiggle room to up the tier of service or add late night snacks or whatever other “nice but not necessary” thing you want to add.

Not to mention, it’s nice to have some kind of an idea of what to expect in terms of attendance ahead of time so you don’t have to rush through things like place settings and buying favours and choosing the big ballroom or the smaller cheaper one, etc, etc, etc. No wonder American brides tend to be so freaking stressed out in the weeks leading up to their weddings! You literally spend months, maybe even a couple of years, planning this big elaborate party and leave it til the last couple weeks beforehand  to even give yourselves an idea of how many people will be there. That seems crazy to me.

Post # 14
Member
5776 posts
Bee Keeper

sboom :  I don’t think it’s that crazy. It’s how most events work. You can add the “nice but not necessary” a few days prior or a few weeks prior. Why does it matter the exact number coming 8 weeks prior “just to know”? It sounds like people stress themselves out for no reason and CREATE issues that aren’t even there. Also having an early RSVP date means you have a much higher likilhood of people changing their RSVP. Not everyone knows their exact schedule 2 or 3 months ahead of time, so you’ll get more people “oh of COURSE we will be there!” and then 3 weeks before, “Oh shoot, we actually cant make it”. Its more frustrating for planners to have to go back and change things rather than just wait until closer to the date. 

Post # 15
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

jellybellynelly :  I don’t know my exact schedule 2-3 months ahead of time but for important events like weddings I much prefer to commit early and get them into my schedule ASAP before anything else comes up. There are very, very few things I can see cropping up in the last few weeks before a wedding that would suddenly change my RSVP, but if I don’t even know about the weddnig until a month out there is a good chance I’m already booked up with something and will have to bail on a prior commitment or miss the wedding. 

In this day and age where most families and social groups are flung all over the globe, it also means that for most weddings a good chunk of the guests are traveling. The further in advance they have the details of the event, the more likely they will be able to book the time off work, plane tickets, hotels, etc. 

So I guess to me there are several practical reasons why it makes sense to send invites early and to collect RSVPs a month or more out from the wedding, but very few reasons why it makes sense to leave everything til the last minute. I’d rather risk sending too early and collecting RSVPs too early than too late.

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