(Closed) 5 days before my wedding I find out my family doesn’t like FI

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Do not tell him. My parents aren’t super crazy about my guy. They don’t dislike him, but they don’t think he’s “the one.” It really hurts my feelings because although he was raised differently than me and I guess has a “different” personality than my family… he is the sweetest guy ever! My friends like my guy as well, so we’re in the same situation. At least your family (except your bro) has the good taste to keep their mouth shut. Of course there is also the possibility that it is jUST your brother and he made up the “others” so he wasn’t alone.

Regardless, if this is not something you’re hearing from everyone (If your friends didn’t like him as well I’d say ok maybe reevaluate why he makes such a bad impression, but if it is just a few that is different), I’d just let it go. Knowing your bro’s/fam’s feelings can’t help your Fiance and it might make him even more distant when he hangs out with them.

I’m so sorry that your bro dropped this on you now. ((hugs))

Post # 4
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldnt tell your Fiance but Im sorry you are going through this!  Maybe your brother is just upset that you dont come around often anymore and feels the need to blame your FI?  I know you said your family has controlling behaviors but maybe you can start making an effort to do stuff with your family more after the wedding, with your new husband. 

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Don’t tell him.  Keep in mind that you have decades of memories with your family.  Your Fiance only has a few years.  His relationship with them doesn’t have the foundation to withstand that kind of news- and it would make it impossible for him to develop any kind of pleasant relationship with them if he knew.

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, don’t tell your fiance. There is no point in doing so and it would only hurt him.

Why did this come up with your brother right now? That seems a little rude that 5 days before your wedding when you have a million things to do and think about, he lays this on you. There may be issues you need to address in the future, AFTER your wedding!

Try not to focus on this. You have a big, wonderful day coming up! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree, don’t tell him. Let it go – your wedding is in five days, you don’t need to worry about this. You love him, he loves you, you’re happy – that’s what counts. If your family really didn’t like him they probably would have hinted or told you by now. I would just let it go until after the wedding, but definitely don’t tell your Fiance.

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There’s a possibility that your family will start liking him later on.  If you tell him they don’t like him, it will probably lessen the chance that he will be open and warm to them, thus causing tension between your family and your soon-to-be husband/you.

As long as you are 100% sure that you love him and want to be with him for the rest of your life, get married and don’t think about what your brother says… He’s not the one that has to live with your soon-to-be husband. ๐Ÿ™‚

EDIT: I read an older post of yours: “My fiance and I were raised very differently from each other, and we think differently from each other.  Wedding is in nine days. and I am worried if I am marrying the right person.”  Does your family have a valid point in not liking him?

Post # 10
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

If YOU have doubts, I’d seriously consider them. However, I was NOT fond of my brother-in-law when my sister decided to marry him. Even as the wedding approached I still didn’t think he was that great. It wasn’t until I went and visited them in their own home and saw how wonderfully he treats her and what a wonderful woman she has become since having him in her life that I can fully appreciate him. Don’t tell the Fiance. In fact, if you and the people you trust are confident, I would just tell yourself that Brother needs to grow up. *HUGS* ๐Ÿ™

Post # 11
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Well then, if you think you’re family is the problem, then ignore your brother!  I don’t know anything about your family, but it does seem like a bully tactic to not once mention that “no one likes your fiance” and then wait until just before the wedding to disclose it.  He could’ve been lying about everybody else not liking him, especially since he refused to give names.  He could also be jealous of your fiance (is he smarter? better looking? etc.).  On the other hand, he could just be a jerk, and enjoy hurting your feelings. 

Be happy about what you have, and look forward to your wedding.  Don’t let your brother stress you out – gosh he could give you a zit or something! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 12
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Don’t tell your Fiance.  He probably already senses some lack of love from the family and you confirming this will not help their relationship in the long run.

Your family will learn to love/accept him as they see your happiness (in theory, at least!)

My Fiance is not my family’s choice for me – so I definitely know what you are going through.  It WILL get better as they realize how happy you are.

Your brother also may be lashing out with the ‘nobody likes him’ type comment because he feels like he’s losing you.  Don’t take his statement as blanket truth for your entire family – because he can only speak for himself.  It’s adjustment for all involved, and perhaps the most healthy one for you (as you’ve noted).

And, in a sibling side note – I never really liked any of my siblings choice for mate – but, I’ve come to love them as people and they are very much part of our family.  It just goes with the territory.  This choice is not for your brother to make.  It totally sucks that he doesn’t love your Fiance, and it’s good to hear people out on what they observe.  But, at the end of the day, it’s your choice about who and what issues you choose to deal with for the rest of your life (good, bad or otherwise).  If you are ok with not having the typical warm/fuzzy and can receive love from your Fiance in the ways he is able to express them, then that’s the biggest thing!

 

Post # 14
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be to deal with this so close to your wedding day. 

 If you are having your own doubts, you should try to talk with someone who you can trust that is NOT in your family. Someone who knows you well enough to know if these accusations are true.  

But if this is something that is from your family and your family alone, try not to let it stop you from being part of the family.  Don’t tell your FH, because I’m sure that he has a feeling already on some level. 

I hope you can sort this out soon.  Wish you all the best

Post # 15
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

<<Just got text from another brother who heard 2nd hand from someone who might have dated him that he is controlling and manipulative, also supposedly all my siblings have concerns.  I can’t deal withthis!!!!!!!!>>

I know you are going through a rough time but look at what you just wrote. That’s like my friends cousins uncle father in laws uncles nephew heard…

<<1. he is not warm and fuzzy- just not his nature.  He shows me hecares by reading articles about health conditions of mine and gettingthe vitamins they suggest might help and things like that. 

2. when they keep doing crappy stuff to me and I cry on his shoulder, I think it makes him less kind to them>>

Just because your guy is different from your family doesn’t make it wrong.  Of course he’s different!  We weren’t all raised the same.  Different = different.  Different does not = WRONG. 

1. We all show each other how we care in a ton of ways.  Just because it’s not how you or your brother would do it, doesn’t make it wrong.

2. I’m the same exact way.  I see my Future Mother-In-Law constantly hurting Fiance and it makes me really angry; in fact more angry than the way she treats me. 

If YOU have valid concerns talk to a neutral third party. 

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