(Closed) 5 Love Languages

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3387 posts
Sugar bee

I love that book, I initally read it in a Marriage and Family Psychology class in college.  My love language is primarily physical touch, and then quality time, with Fiance having the same top two.  

Fiance lovingly jokes that I have all five languages as my primary, and he does an amazing job of doing all five.  I try my best to reciprocate, as well.

We usually don’t have problems with them, since we both have read the book, and know what the other “views as love.”  If we are ever feeling like we are missing a certain love language, we just tell the other person.  I think the book is a very helpful tool to understanding yourself and your partner.  

MrsA44:  have you read the book, and if so, what are your and your partner’s languages? πŸ™‚ 

Post # 3
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

I thought that book was really helpful. Something that stuck out to me the most was that people tend to express love in the way they themselves would like to receive it. This was definitely true for us.

I always found myself buying my SO little gifts here and there because my love language is gifts (and a tie for quality time). And he is always telling me how much he loves me/complimenting me all the time and that’s because his love language is words of affirmation (and a tie for physical touch). I think most guys are physical touch though, haha. So now we both work on speaking each other’s love languages and it works out great!

Post # 5
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsA44:  We read it.

My primary is Acts of Service followed by Physical Touch. His is Quality Time followed by Physical Touch.

We do sometimes have issues with balancing our primaries because I feel most loved when he does things around the house, and tend to express my affection by doing things for him around the house. However, he’d really rather just sit with me and spend some quality time alone together, which makes me feel like we’re wasting time. But I know how important it is to him that I drop everything, let the dishes and chores linger, and just sit with him or walk with him or chat with him without doing anything else. He’s also learned that I’m more likely to sit back with him when I’m feeling fulfilled by him doing things around the house for me. It’s a give and take. It doesn’t always go smoothly, and I have to remind myself every day to sit back and focus on spending time not doing anything with him except just sharing love.

Post # 7
Member
3387 posts
Sugar bee

MrsA44:  I agree!  I’ve bought it for several friends as part of their engagement present πŸ™‚ 

Post # 9
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - City, State

MrsA44:  I just realized we’re totally twins and so are our FI’s!!! That’s so awesome! πŸ˜€

Once we read that book and I made a real effort to speak his love language, it felt very unnatural for me to tell him how I feel about him (because I’m not very good with expressing my feelings or being all “gushy”). So I found that complimenting him comes much easier to me. I just make it a point to vocalize what I’m thinking like when I think he looks extra good looking that day I’ll make sure I let him know.

Unfortunately for me he is not really a gift giving person (his family just doesn’t really do that) so he’s had to work on that for me. But him buying my engagement ring and getting me a new setting means that he won’t have to get me anything for a very long time! Physical touch and quality time aren’t very difficult for us. I make sure to play with his hair when we’re watching a TV show or give him a back rub and he’s perfectly happy with that.

Post # 10
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I took an online quiz for the 5 Love Languages. I am Service Acts. I tried to get Fiance to take it, but he knew he is Physical Touch. The book might be cool, but we’ve gotten along fine without it since we understand each other pretty well. 

Post # 11
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is the book our pastor is having do for marriage counseling !! havent taken the quiz offically we just started we are suposed to read it together and tie is hard to make on our different schedules but Ive looked over and its prob going to be quality time … the little we looked at the quizzeds together his will prob be words of affimation… Ill post back when we take it prob tonight actually when he gets home bc we nned to finish it before our next meeting 

Post # 12
Member
3198 posts
Sugar bee

I love this book! My Darling Husband and I both read it, and it was illuminating! I find it funny that it basically just points out things that, in hindsight, seem very obvious. 

For me, I am a quality time/physical touch person (they seem to go hand in hand). He is an acts of service kind of guy. He would get so frustrated that I wouldn’t be working around the house as much as he does (he has way higher standards of living cleaning wise), and it makes him feel taken for granted. I would get so frustrated that he didn’t want to spend time with me (unless we were watching TV-which I don’t count as quality time). When we read this, the light went on. 

Now we know that we need to do things like cuddle daily or sit down and eat dinner together at the table for me to be happy and I need to help around the house more for him to feel appreciated. 

Post # 13
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I have not read this book, I need to read it asap. But any Bees here read it, please help figure out my husband love language. From what I learn reading around the threads about this book, I think my husband is the “Physical Touch”… Or maybe “act of service”?

I think My husband is a ‘physical touch” type of guy. ….‘Physical touch’ is Totally NOT NOT my style. I am not a touchy person. But what can I do, I married him he is my husband now.

I think ‘Physical touch’ is my husband style of showing love/affection because even when we not have sex, he still like to kiss tooo much…. When I lay in bed, he would kiss my butt cheek.. I thought he only kiss it I’m naked, but boy I was wrong!… When I have underwear or jeans on and if I’m laying in bed, he would still kiss my butt cheek.

He just like to kiss. Even when we not in bed, would randomly come up and kiss my neck, face, and touch/smell my hair … perhaps he likes my long hair and shampoo smell… but you know what he do is ’Touchy’ stuff.

So from these things he do, we can conclude that my husband is the ’physical touch’ type right? Or “act of sercvice”?” …. so what I do to show him back I love him? I’m not a touchy person, but for sure I know I love him….. I wake up in the middle of the night to cook for him, so I darn sure know I love him. It just the way I show love, is not the same way as he show love. It just so weird for me.

 I grow up in the traditional Chinese household that is cold, does not show affection at all. There was no saying ‘I love you’ between parents and children. There was no hugs, no goodnight kisses. No physical display of affection between children, parents, relatives family…….. You know, I grow up NOT seeing any of these affection, and now married to a guy who is tooo much into touching and affection, I get awkwarddd.

So do I need to get my husband to take the quiz to find out his love language, or we can just conclude from his touching style that he is Physical Touch kind of guy?……..And how am I suppose to reponse back to his love language? Be all over him? Freaking, he stand in front of me, I still get Nervous, let alone be all over touching him.

Post # 14
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes, we have to read it for pre maritial counseling.  πŸ™‚ Mine are Acts of Service and Quality Time.  His are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.  It makes so much sense and we are both really trying to make sure since we are opposites πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

independentgirl:  There is a test you can take online, which is really easy.  I’m not sure on the rules on posting links, can I do that?  Just go to the main website for the book and there is a quiz.  We took it and that is how we know.  Although, we knew when reading the book as well πŸ™‚

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