Post # 1
Hey ladies. My Darling Husband is a Verbal Affirmation kind of guy. For me, this is the HARDEST way for me to express appreciation because I was raised without verbal affirmations. I have to acknowledge that this is what I need to do more often for him, but I am not sure how.
Can someone give me ways or prompts to do this besides “Good job, babe” or “I like that you ____” … they seem too generic and insincere to me. Thanks so much~
Post # 3
I would just increase the amount of compliments. If you notice him doing something special, say it out loud, don’t just acknowledge it. I’m a mix but I’m definitely HUGE on verbal affirmations. I know my Fiance thinks it, but I like to hear, “You look nice in that dress” “I had a lot of fun today doing _____” multiple “I love you”‘s through out the day (and always before hanging up the phone ). If you notice something, say it out loud. If I come up with more, I’ll post them!
Post # 4
Go back to nursery school with old school please and thank you.
A simple thank you goes a long way. “thanks for doing the laundry” or “the burgers you grilled were great”. Say it when it’s happening and it will bemore natural feeling. Also don’t forget the word please. It’s also an affirmation that you are requesting not demanding something. “could you please take the trash out” is much better than “here, take this out”.
Also just remember that when you leave or enter the house give hima kiss and a “luv you”.
Send him and email periodically saying “saw a “…..” and thought of you. Hope your having a good day”
They may sound generic but if you mean it, it wont be generic.
Post # 5
This website has some cool tips
While the bolded part to the numbers seem generic, if you read the part below it tells you what type of compliment you can give.
Post # 6
I’m a verbal affirmation person and I know it sounds simple and dumb but just the “you look great today”, “I love you”, and “I had so much fun with you today” little statements really make me feel good!
Post # 7
Find things he does and just say thanks. It’ll sound funny at first but the more you say it the more sincere it will sound.
We say have a I told you I love you today. even if you have already said it – we find it cute. Also we say the things we love less than them. Mine is always I love you more than Starbucks. I realllllyyy love coffee. His is I love you more the Manchester Utd – He is a footy fan.
Post # 8
Ah, yeah I was not raised with verbal affirmations. I think this will be good for you!
Well, what does he do that you absolutely appreciate? Do you verablise this and tell him exactly why you appreciated it? For example…he did the dishes without even asking. Tell him it made you feel so good that he did them without even telling him to. Say that it’s just something less you have to stress about and he just helped you cross something off your list for the day and you appreciate it. 🙂
Even if you think it’s generic, that little statement may make his day! You could also ask him what you could say more/ acknowledge more to fulfill his needs. I know I talk to my Fiance and tell him how I want to speak to my love language specifically and vice versa.
Don’t feel that it’s generic or insincere, because if you really mean what you way, it won’t come off that way. I know that for a while I would try to appeal to my Fiance in this way and it felt cheesy but the more I did it the more I REALLY REALLY meant it (not that I didn’t mean it before, but I felt that I had to say it to fulfill that need). Everytime he thanks me or acknowledges something I did, he makes it a HUGE deal and it makes me feel special and happy that I did it…someone noticed and it makes me want to do it more often because he appreciated it.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the tips ladies.
I don’t usually thank him for chores because … well it’s supposed to be half and half and I don’t get thanked for doing them so I never really saw the point in doing it. Actually… if I get thanked for doing chores, I kind of get offended. I kind of feel like household duties are supposed to be done, not a favor (both ways). Not sure if this is a mindset that needs to change, but that’s how I always saw it.
I always say please and thank you as well as multiple “I love yous” daily.
I will try to improve on texting/calling him more often to let him know when I’m thinking of him. I’ve texted him a few jokes before.
I think I’ve done a fair amount of praise. Maybe I need to work more on “encouragement”? I have no idea.
Post # 10
@mrsbruff2b: Totally understandable! I still need to work on the way I think sometimes. I think by picking something out he did and really complimenting it will satisfy his “affirmation” need and it could also add to the “encouragement”. It’s hard for me to do this as well because I think “THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO THANK YOU ALL THE TIME” (maybe the way I grew up, lol) but then I realize that if he didn’t say anything about what I did and didn’t acknowledge the time I spent on it, it might make me a bit angry or like he doesn’t appreciate anything I do, I tend to make things into a personal attack. So this may make him feel good about what he’s doing and will not feel like a chore – or whatever it may be.
Definitely try more encouragement. Or just straight up talk with him and see what he would like more from you and then you could tell him what you would like more from him and both of you thoroughly explain how you can do it. Just say “Darling, is there something more I could do in our relationship that I’m not giving to you now? I’m just going over the love languages and I’m worried that I’m not fulfilling your love needs and I would like to start improving on it and maybe you can improve on mine (if he isn’t already).
To me, the idea of doing this was so offputting, cheesy and lame, but I’m being more open to it and I’m finding myself happier, because these things are starting to come natural (appealing to his needs & speaking out) and I can tell it makes him so happy and in return, he is giving me more. But like I said, I won’t lie…bringing up stuff like that (for me) is weird because we never talked about our emotions in our family, weren’t really affectionate, so it’s hard for me to be this way…but for the sake of my Fiance & our future family, I’m willing to change if it makes him happy and is making me a happier person too!
I hope this helps and made sense & good luck! Have you read the book? That could also help as well, perhaps reading it out loud and talking about it
p.s. change it up! Maybe it’s becoming too routine for him the way you are communicating your “please” “thank yous” “i love yous”! Be creative and try to express it in a way you haven’t before
Post # 11
@PeachyKiwi: I will! Thanks so much~
Post # 12
Neither my man or I are verbal affirmation people – however that’s the language that is the easiest for me to “speak.” I notice that I am constantly spouting it out, and mostly it just boils down to saying what’s on my mind when I am secretly adoring him. If we go out to tea and I notice that he looks really handsome across from me, I say, “You are really just so handsome.” If he comes home exhausted from work, I say, “I am so grateful that you work so hard for us.” If he puts a lot of effort into a date, I say, “You are so selfless and thoughtful. How can I do the same for you?”
It’s kind of an acquired skill, I suppose, but that’s a place to start. When a kind thought comes to your head, just spit it out. It’ll get easier and more natural – I promise. And since it’s his language, it’ll be worth it a million times over!