(Closed) 5 months to go and everything is set! Now FI wants to elope…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Are you going to be “okay” with a smaller reception? “Something big has always happened to make those moments seem unimportant and I tend to put others first”

Honestly, the “spotlight” is going to be more on you than him. And reading your post, I get the feeling you’d regret having the much smaller, scaled down wedding- with 70 people, it already is a “smaller” wedding. This is something you’ve wanted and saved for, for a long time. It doesn’t seem right to give you advice on how to kill your dream.

You can skip speeches at the ceremony- have people do them at the rehearsal dinner. If he’s worried about the first dance, have the DJ invite guests to join you half way through the song. Cut one of the pieces out of the ceremony- a baptism can be done at an earlier date. If he’s nervous, do a first look, so he can see you/calm down before the ceremony.

I realize I didn’t answer this post the way you wanted, but I think you need to go back to Fiance and let him know how important this is to you- seems like you’d be sacrificing a lot more than he would.

 

Post # 4
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely try to negotiate with him because he would be taking away the wedding you want because of his irrational fears.

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My advice give him a double shot of (insert fav liqour here) in 20 minute increments starting one hour prior to the ceremony. Cool (I’m kidding).

Sounds like you may need to point out how many things are already done and (I’m assuming paid for) and also how important this is for you, how long you’ve waited and that while you’re willing to compromise you don’t want to give up this dream. Also, I agree with all the suggestions rebwana made.

70 people is not that many (it was my goal number before I realized Fiance has 50 fam members  that MUST be invited. Now the list is 160 Surprised)

I would say nix a receiving line (if you’re having one) and maybe cut some of the stuff out of the ceremony, if not the baptism then maybe the unity candle or handfasting and if there are any speaking parts or songs maybe cut them out too to shorten the time he has to be in front of people.

You guys could both face the officiant the entire time, so that Fiance isn’t facing the “audience”. Also maybe instead of writing your own vows or repeating after the officiant trade love letters to read later  and just use the standard “I do’s” in response to the officiant to help with the public speaking. I wouldn’t have a sweetheart table (if you are) and I would maybe even have the entire bridal party and close family join in the first dance from the get-go to make him more comfortable.

Here’s hoping you guys get to an easy compromise. I’m sending good thoughts and hope your way. Also, if all else fails, I’m just sayin’ that tequila (in small doses) can do wonders for stage fright. Wink

Post # 6
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@sapphiregriffin:  I forgot about tequila…good call! 😉

@WhatPicketFence:  You could also cut songs out of the ceremony, if you’d planned any, and depending on what your officiant says- trim the readings.

Post # 7
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think this is really about people looking at him.  I would suggest a more in depth conversation about your relationship and what marriage means to him and the future of the relationship.

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is there a way to make him feel more comfortable? Maybe you could rehearse the ceremony in private. Try writing down all of the things that make you nervous, all the things that could go wrong and how you will fix them. It will have a calming effect and you will have a plan for any screwups and this will help him to feel better. 

Perhaps stick to traditional vows, not writing your own. You don’t need speeches at the ceremony. You can stand up together and thank guests for coming, and you do all the talking, he just smiles and stands at your side.

Perhaps skip things like the garter toss, where he is front and center.

Post # 10
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Yeah, compromise! Glad you two have worked it out! 🙂

The topic ‘5 months to go and everything is set! Now FI wants to elope…’ is closed to new replies.

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