- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
My DS told me tonight that he feels he doesn’t belong anywhere. My heart BROKE. When asked further what he meant, he expressed that when he’s bounced between my house, his grandma’s house, and his dad’s house, he feels like he doesn’t fit in anywhere except mommy’s house. He said mama’s house is home and he doesn’t want to leave home anymore. When I asked if he wanted to see his dad on the weekends, he said that’s okay, but not any more than that.
I feel heavy because I had to tell his dad that, and we have to have a conversation on Wednesday when he’s off work about it, and that I’m not looking forward to either, but… I also feel a sense of relief.
Hear me out.
Ever since he was a baby and his dad and I were still together, Tuesday night was our “date night” and his mom would babysit DS overnight so we could work on our relationship. Well that never really worked out but DS was used to grandma nights and complained when he went without, so we kept up the Tuesdays with grandma’s for years.
When we split, Wednesdays he would go to his dads place after his mom babysat on Tuesdays. That’s just the way it was for a while. I didn’t care for it much but that’s what it seemed DS wanted, and his grandma almost had an emotional breakdown the day I even questioned it a little bit.
So now that he says he would prefer to stay home with me throughout the entire week, I feel happier. I felt like it couldn’t be too good for him to continually bounce between three homes and exchange parents every other weekend and now he agrees.
Now I have to talk to his dad… gulp. I’m not *afraid* of him and I do hold a lot of power over his head (I don’t ask for child support and we don’t have a court order) (I don’t wave this power around though), but I do have nerves about what he’ll say or do. It’s not rational, I know. There’s nothing he could do to threaten me. Yet I still have old, residual feelings of serious mistrust and fear when it comes to this man (if you call him that).
I’m also afraid of what his grandma will say or do. We’re on very good terms, but she’s not the most mature woman I’ve ever met. One day I got upset because she took him out of state without notifying me, let alone asking my permission, and she broke down crying begging me not to take DS away from her. I assured her that’s not what I wanted, but she was inconsolable. I don’t even know what to do with that.
Any advice on how to handle these two will be much appreciated. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.