(Closed) 5 Year Old with 2 Personalities…. Help!

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 18
Member
7309 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

He’s 5! It’s what 5 year olds do. Raucous behavior with impulse control issues around other raucous childern is totally normal. This is what bugs me so much about modern school environments. The system seeks to label and control what is really totally normal behavior. Definitely talk to the teacher about a positive reward system, but don’t stress about it and punish him at home too much. He’s just being an energetic kid who is learning different boundaries at different places. I kow it’s hard when you get so much negative feedback from the school, but you can’t let their negativity make you frustrated. Keep modeling good behavior at home and rewarding it there, work with the school on rewarding good behavior in the classroom, and try to remind yourself that this is what kids do.

As for trouble transitioning, it’s pretty common. What helped my DS was having his teacher set a timer. She would give a verbal cue that X activity was almost over and that she was setting the timer for 5 minutes. When the timer went off, it was time to stop X and move on to Y. That removed the teacher from being the “bad guy” to be resisted. And you can’t argue much with a ringing timer. It worked well for my kid.

As a side note, that BS was one of the main drivers of me pulling DS out of public school. I sent him to an all boys school that embraced DS’s raucous nature and harnessed it for good. They had recess twice a day AND gym class every day. They learned spelling words by doing jumping jacks. They didn’t freak out when the boys played a bit rough or gave eachother hugs (public schools freak the f out at any form of contact. it’s absurd!). The flexibility of private school was fantastic.

Post # 20
Member
2843 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would work with teacher and ask for a report every day.  I would give him a small reward every day if he gets a good report.  When he shows a consistent pattern of good behavior, I would give him a bigger reward.  My husband had to do this with my step daughter when she was in kindergarten because she was pulling tons of tickets.  It worked, with time and consistency and her behavior improved.

 

PS, I think kindergarten is really hard, especially for boys.  They just have ttrouble sitting still and being quiet (I have a boy and a girl)…. I really think early elementary education is geared more toward young girls’ strenths than young boys.  Just my 2 cents.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 21
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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bkprettygirl:  It sounds to me like he might be bored. I was quick to catch on to things in elementary school, and so I let my mind wander and didn’t want to do the exercises because they felt pointless to me. I’m not a parent, but that’s what it sounds like to me. Maybe talk to his teacher and see if that is the case? If so, ask her to assign him a separate project he can work on when he is bored with what is happening (for a pre-k student, something like counting, spelling?)

Post # 22
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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bkprettygirl:  I haven’t read all of the responses, so hopefully I’m not repeating too much…

I teach kindergarten and it always surprises me when I have students who exhibit behavior problems at school but not at home. It is important to keep in mind that at school he has to share his mental, emotional, and physical space with 20 other kids, all of whom have their own special needs. At home, it is completely and totally different when he has 1 on 1 attention from an adult at all times. You can work with him on waiting patiently, learning how to sit quietly for a short period of time, and not interrupting when you or others are speaking. Basically teach him to take turns and share his space.

Also, I would definitely suggest not taking away so many things, only because it does not seem to be working. Find what works for him. For some children, tangible rewards such as stickers work. Others couldn’t care less about such things! As a teacher, I find the most common effective behavior management tool is positive verbal praise. But your son may be different.

Good luck! Hopefully you can get things under control by next year. In my state at least, kindergarten is much more academic and less play based than pre-K so there may be a difficult transition period.

Post # 23
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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lovekiss:  He’s 5! It’s what 5 year olds do. Raucous behavior with impulse control issues around other raucous childern is totally normal.

Right. This behavior is normal at home. Not at school. If it were, there is no way any learning would occur in a school setting. Ever. I often find kids are capable of wayyyy more than some parents expect.

Post # 24
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does your son have opportunities for play with other children outside of school? Seems like he’s viewing school as time to socialize and have fun (which it is, but to an extent!). Maybe having smaller play groups outside of school will help him “get out his beans” and allow a more focused time to correct any issues you are noticing.. something in between a class full of other students, and the one on one time you share together..  Good luck! :)<br /><br />

Post # 25
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

You know, normally I’d put it on the parent but as a teacher I have to blame the teacher here. Your kid acts his normal way at home. He’s acting up in school but your post says they won’t withold recess. Ok, what else do they do? The teacher needs to work out a discipline plan with you instead of just sending notes home. Your kid is 5 not 15. Most kindergarten classrooms have a green/yellow/red card pull system or some type of positive and negative reinforcement. Find out what she does and maybe that will help you with ideas? 

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