- 4 years ago
I moved to the US from Germany in 05 and am a citizen by now. All my family is back in Germany. The last 5 years I have a relationshhip with my man who is 45, i am 33. After two years of dating we got engaged but we never married because he always had an excuse not to. I just always was hoping next year, neat year etc…
Another thing that is bothering me is that he still lives with his parents ( he takes care of them), his sister (45) and her daughter (27) and his brothers son (21) all under one roof. he has never moved out or lived alone.
Well, I always had my own apartment but moved in last year after I almost lost my job. Then the problems started – his family is so f.. up – no one pays anything but my fiance and unfortunately he always makes excuses why all these people have to stay in his house ( he owns 50% and his father owns 50%).
During the last 5 years i always mentioned to him to please move out and get our own house but nothing happened.
The daughter of his sister and his brothers son also live there for free – they never had jobs but just sleep all day which bothers me becase when i get up at 7 am to take a shower to go to work, they have to shower at the same time so i get cold water because that is their time to go to bed. They get up at 6 pm and go to bed at 7 am in the morning. whatever. But at least they coulod respect that i need warm water. My So doesnt want to get involved in any discussions so he just keeps quiet. What bugs me most that in this family everything is just swept under the rug. Nothing gets discussed.
Then last month, his nephew (21) and me got into an argument and he ended up hitting me so police was called. He has now a battery charge but never ever apologized to me. SO tells me to just let it go but how – if the guy lives in the same house than me.
All this led him to look for houses now and i should be happy right? But i am so scared now… why would he not marry me first (courthouse) and then buy a house? if i buy the house with him, i am tied in – have 50% of the house but if anything happens to him , the other 50% goes to his sick family.
Then there is the issue with financing my SOs current house – the plan is that everyone currently living in it has to step up and pay for the mortgage and living costs according to my So. But they dont pay anything now so how can i be sure they will in the future. I am afraid it will be a arguing point always in our relationship ( marriage). He loves his parents which is ok but his father is always manipulating him and i am scared staying with my So will be a mistake. Once you buy a house, i am tied to his family forever. Also he doesnt want to buy a house more than 5 min away from his parents.
I am not sure – i could walk and go back to germany and start new with 33 or buy a house with him but risk that his strong ties with his fanily will ruin our relationship in the long run anyways.
in germany i have my family and friends. here i have no one but him.
any suggestions ??????