(Closed) 5 Years and Couting… Endless Counting…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

Yes, do back off. I made the mistake of constantly asking about it, helping him save (ceate budget, deposit monthly into a certain account that was hard to reach, etc).  A part of me feels like I should have just trusted him and let him do it on his own…because it would have spared us some fights…and maybe let me focus on something else lol 

Post # 5
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Agree with Monicax3x3! Might be best to back off a little and just enjoy the relationship where it is at the moment. It sounds like you’ve already had a heart-to-heart with him, and he knows where you stand. Plus, if he is planning to propose soon (V-Day and your trip in April are coming up soon!) it will give him room to plan his surprise 🙂

Post # 6
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

You have your wedding taking place November 2017 does he know about that ☺ on a serious note bee I would be vary wary of the “I am deathly afraid of divorce” routine.  That indicates he is using an excuse to either put off marriage or put off marriage to you.  My 0.2 cents sit down outside of your home and calmly ask him where he sees himself in 5 years. His answers will dictate your future action. Best of luck.

Post # 8
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
wishmrscook:  You guys sound so cute and compatible, genuinely friends as well as partners. I’m happy to hear you can talk about everything together. IMO if the two of you have already agreed upon a wedding date together, you’re engaged & the proposal is a formality.:)

BUT….’letting him do it in his own time’, sweetie you need something more concrete than this. His own time could be a year from now and you’re already thinking it may be Valentine’s Day. If you go getting your hopes up for every event or occasion & reading too much into a weekend away or plans for a nice evening out, that mean nasty virus aka Waiting Resentment is going to start sneaking its way into your relationship. He can still plan the proposal himself if that is what he wants and you’re happy with this- but I’d get a firmer notion of what ‘in his own time’ may be. Especially if you’ve picked a date, he may not have a clear idea of how long it takes to plan a wedding, especially if the two of you haven’t discussed the basic details of what you both want for a wedding.

Based on my own experiences, I have learned to get clarification. My FI’s definition of ‘soon’ in proposing drove me batshit crazy TBH- ‘soon’ to a procrastinator and ‘soon’ to an impatient planner are worlds apart. lol ditto having a ‘small wedding’- well, this one’s on me because I knew I was marrying an Italian and should have asked for clarification,  but small to him means 200 instead of 500. Even couples who think they communicate and think they’re on the same page, should clarify what they say as it can mean 2 different things to 2 different people. “Let’s have an inexpensive wedding” could mean ‘let’s do cake and punch in the church basement’ to one person and ‘let’s just spend 40k instead of 50k’ to another. What I’m trying to say in all this babbling, Bee, is that you and your bf may have different ideas in what ‘his own time’ will end up being. Clarifying this now can prevent misunderstanding and disappointment. He can still plan the specifics of his proposal, but I think the two of you agreeing on a timeframe would be hugely beneficial, keeping in mind the time you’ll need to plan a November 2017 wedding.

 

Post # 10
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
wishmrscook:  That’s great 🙂  6 months is quite reasonable & it sounds like you’re both good with it. I know it’s super-hard to be patient though, easier said than done. Congrats, hope to see an update from you soon-ish

Post # 11
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

wishmrscook: I’m with you here. Been with my SO for going on 8 years this March, we’ve purchased a home together and already live like were married (many assume we already are) I’ve been waiting for sooooooooooo long now I’ve learned to just back off and let it happen when it happens. I now let everyone else bug him about it 😉 It’s def working because he’s finally getting to a place where he’s really start “looking” at rings. So I’ve been told by many that when they really looking at rings it just a few months from that point that you’ll hear the words you’ve been waiting a LONG time to hear….

I wish you the best of luck, don’t give up, don’t be disappointed, just live each day as if it was your last and enjoy the time you have together because it can change in a heartbeat.

 

xoxox 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Misstiff.
Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I would back off for a while. At least not hard press him about it. It could make the situation worse, as I have learned from experience. I have been with my SO for 10 years. Everyone thinks we are married. We have 2 kids and house. We have talked about the M word. At this point I drop little hints here and there. I know his feelings on it and he knows my feelings on it. But he has come around and has opened up more about the idea. Whereas he used to be a hard pressed absolutely not. I know it is hard and just right sucks. But at the end of the day married or not, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. 

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Im not wanting to rush him in anyway at all Im just siuper giddy about it.
He said ask me any question you want and I will tell you the answer I know he expected me to ask when it would be but I truly dont want to know.
Instead I asked will I at some point in 2016 become more than your girlfriend.
Answer was without any doubt I could tell you to the hour when it will be.

I truly love him and he is my bestest friend

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