(Closed) 5 years and no ring. Should I stay or go?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Has he given you any sort of concrete timeline since your blow up? What did he say when you told him you were ready to get engaged or leave?

Post # 3
Member
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Has he given you any indication that he wants to be married? 

Post # 4
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
rose85 :  You said you hit a rough patch recently…how so? Was this simply a rough patch because you have been so frustrated with the lack of commitment? Or something else happened?

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

You said your baby girl was planned… You guys did not discuss marriage at that point?

Post # 9
Member
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

How old are you guys that he doesn’t have a license?

Sounds like he has no intentions of marrying you. He’s doing what a lot of guys do and saying “No, baby, don’t go! I do want to eventually marry you i’m just not sure when. Plus I still have to do x, y and z. Just give me some more time! To prove how serious I am, we should have another kid and buy a new house! You know I wouldn’t do those things unless I was serious about us. I just want it to be my decision and not to feel pressured. After all, it has to be special!”

When you think about it, what incentive does he have to marry you other than it will make you happy? You already have kids and a home and are his wife in all but name. He’s not going to get anything out of marrying you that you haven’t already freely given him for years. He’s also probably doubtful you’ll really leave him, after all, the way he sees it, he already has you trapped with a home and a kid. If he can talk you into another kid then that makes it even harder for you to leave.

You know when I feel pressured? When someone is trying to get me to do stuff that I don’t want to do. No one ever feels pressured into doing something they already want and are excited to do.

Post # 10
Member
999 posts
Busy bee

If you want marriage, and have talked about this calmly and rationally with him, but he is not interested in getting married aside from “someday”, then yes, that is a valid reason to end the relationship. 

If you love him, stay and accept things how they are. Or you’ll end up giving him an ultimatum which you probably won’t stick to.

Of course if you love him you can still leave if you both want different things from a relationship. 

What are his reasons for not proposing?

How old are you two?

Have you both had other serious relationships?

Those are important factors that might play into why he isn’t asking.

But it’s very possible that he either doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t want to marry YOU, or isn’t ready to marry.

Post # 11
Member
13916 posts
Honey Beekeeper

His reasons are lame. All you need to be engaged is an answer to a question, and all you need to get married is city hall. 

What kind of license does he need and why can’t he get that after you are married? As far as “not knowing” when to propose, I’d be tempted to say he’s already three years too late. 

Post # 12
Member
5166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
rose85 :  It doesn’t sound like he actually plans to marry you.  Having to get his license first is a bizarre reason to delay getting married, the two things are not connected at all. 

I don’t understand how you plan to conceive with someone without knowing if you’re on the same page regarding marriage, but it’s past that now. 

 

Post # 14
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
rose85 :  “he just doesnt know when to propose.”

I don’t even understand what that means. And what license is he waiting on? Why is that any sort of hold up? You said you moved up but, I’m guessing, you’ve moved back in now? Did you guys have any sort of timeline discussion when this happened? 

Honestly it doesn’t sound like he wants to marry you, at least not any time soon. He’s content with how things are and is giving you BS excuses in order to keep you from leaving again. 

Post # 15
Member
3926 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
rose85 :  Why don’t you propose to him?  (I know that it’s unconventional, but you two had a planned baby while unmarried, so you already jumped the shark on convention.)  Then you’ll have your answer about whether he wants to marry you or not.  Hopefully he says yes – good luck! 🙂

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