Post # 1
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Hi bees,
My 5 years long relationship ended last week. Out of the blue he said he wasnt sure about anything. He said he loves me but is not sure about marriage or anything. He even went to meet another female friend of his in another city a day before the break up. A friend of mine saw him there and told me about it. After a lot of denial he said that he had visited her. He is also confused whether he wants me in his life or not. Imagine after 5 years of knowing someone and giving so much, you get a “I am not sure about anything’. He keeps calling, says I love you but what can I expect from him if has got no spine???
He told me that he has not been sure about our relationship for a very long time. He could have saved those years and told me about it. My mom knows about him my entire maternal side does. I am 25, Indian.He too is 25 and an Indian. Parents start pressurizing girls to get married at this age. I have just broken up and do not know how to deal with it. Somedays I am very confident, the other days I am really low. Is it possible to find love again? How soon can I come out of this ugly situation. I cant help him make up his mind, I cant be his relationship guide. He thinks he has done a good thing by breaking up because he does not want to hurt me anymore and That I should find a better job and stay happy and not be with a jerk like him. I dont know whether he did not want to be with me or not be in a relationship at all. It has been the longest week of my life. need motivation. please help!
People keep telling me that will be ok but waiting for that to happen is too taxing.
Post # 3
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
I’m sorry this happened. The truth is, it takes a long time to heal from something like that. Longer if you keep in contact. I do think it is definitely possible to find love again, but I don’t think it’s something you can just jump right into. First, your heart has to grieve for the loss you are suffering now. It’s normal to have ups and downs, to feel great and then break down crying again, to question if this was right. All I can say is you need time. Eventually you will love again. Someone who deserves you and won’t hurt you. But it is very hard to love someone new if your heart is still with your ex. I think the best way to move on is a clean break. Don’t communicate with him. Surround yourself with loved ones, and focus on yourself. Love will find you when you are ready for it.
Post # 4
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
@Nishtha: Here’s the thing, this only just happened and it was a shock so it is going to take you time to see it from any other point of view. You know what they say about hind sight being 20/20? Well I am sure you will find this is the case. I don’t know what kind of a relationship you had but yes, you can find love again, you are still really young!
I sympathise with you for the position you are in, especially considering you are being pressured by your family to marry but I also admire you for standing your ground and not taking him back so quickly. I would give him space, explain that you want to take some time out and if he continues to call ignore his calls because you need your space too. Maybe it will work for the two of you, maybe it wont. Right now it will consume your life because he was a big part of your life for so long but there will be better days ahead…..it just takes some time and patience.
Take care of yourself. Remember, how you feel and what you want matters, don’t make decisions that come from a place of fear. I found my true love and now Fiance at age 27!
Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
@BriansBride: Thanx a lot. I am trying to take the No Contact route. Its his birthday tomorrow and mine is on the 8th of this month. Such an awful time to face a break up. I dont undersatnd how not to keep in touch with him because we have spent such important years of our life together. Honestly, what I realllly want is that he realizes his mistake and sorts his mind out. And them come to me asking me to take him back. But chances are high that it might not happen because he is somebody who can stay in a solitary confinement for long.
Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
@One_Day_Ill_Bee_Mrs_G: We did have a very loving relationship. We did all the cute things together. Ate out, discussed future plans. We celebrated our 5 year anniversary this October and made an engagement ring with fancy paper and all. It was all very cute. And them last week. Bam!! He is not sure. After the break up he called multiple times a day but now its just once a day.
Post # 7
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
That does make it very difficult! I know what you mean about how you are so much a part of each other’s lives that it makes it incredibly difficult without that right now. I just hope you have a good support system. I know when I went through a bad breakup that seemed to come from no where I kept the idea in my head for a long time that some day some how we would end up together. It didn’t happen, I met someone so much more amazing who loves me for all I am and who treats me how I deserve, but then for that time I guess I just needed to think that. It will get better, but slowly. I guess it’s all just such a shock right now. It wasn’t really fair to you. I just hope he doesn’t lead you on at all. 🙁 I’m wishing you the best.
Post # 8
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
@BriansBride: Thank you so much for your advice. I hope I get over the heartache and the hollow feeling soon. Not for anybody else but for myself.
Member