- 4 years ago
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and been living together for 3.5. I actually posted here in June with the same question. Heres my post from June.
I’m 27 and he is almost 32. We’ve been friends since 2007, started dating in 2010 and moved in together a year and a half after that. We both have established that we want to get married and have kids. We both have careers that pay decent. I’m not doubting his love or commitment to me, he just moved 1000 miles with me because I took a job offer 4 states over. He has no family or friends here, just me.
His sister is getting married in a few months. Her and her fiance have dated 2 years less than we have and they both make no money. His mom is pretty much paying for the wedding. I brought up the topic of us getting married a year ago when his sister got engaged. He told me “I have to save some money for the ring, who knows maybe we’ll be married before they are.” Well obviously thay didn’t happen. 6 months ago I asked him for an update and he said “I want it to be a surprise. Take you somewhere nice.” I waited another 3 months to see if he was planning a vacation and he had no plans. I waited another 3 months and recently I asked him when we’re going on vacation and he told me “next April ish would be ideal” I told him I’m going to hold him to his 6 month promise and will not wait until next April for a proposal. He just got silent and was in a mood the rest of the day.
He’s been talking about “within the next 6 months” for the last year and a half. I know his finances and he hasn’t saved any money for the ring. I’m not just sick of waiting, I feel like I’m not good enough of a girlfriend and feel inadequate compared to everyone else whos getting engaged. I keep asking myself “why not me? What does she have that I don’t have that made him propose to her?” people refer me as my boyfriends wife and I always get tagged on facebook articles on married life by my friends. I feel like I die a little inside every time it happens.. I make twice his income and now I’m starting to think if I need to move on for someone who can actually save up for a ring.
Do I give him an ultimatum? For how long? I avoided ultimatums for the longest time thinking that it wasn’t fair for the other person. I don’t know what to think anymore.
Thanks for reading my previous post. Okay so yesterday was his sister’s wedding. 5 people came up to me and asked when we’re getting engaged and I had no answers for them. Many responses I receiced on the last post was “he needs time to save.” Or “he would have done it already if he really wanted, ditch him” we had a serious talk in June and he gave me a somewhat specific plan of what he’s going to do to save money for the ring (second job, cutting down spending) and that it’d be february or so before he can propose. I was willing to accept the time frame and we went back to being a happy couple. Well, he’s cut down some of his spending such as eating out or purchasing dvds but also signed up for anWWE network and NHL subscrubtions adding $30 to his monthly bill. I know $30 a month isn’t that big of a deal but it kind of made me question his dedication to proposing. His cousin has been dating someone for a year now and yesterday I jokingly said “next wedding in our family is gonna be Dave and Lisa.” And he said “yeah probably.”
I’m done bugging him about it at this point and I plan on telling him that if we’re not engaged by next April (our lease is up then) then we get separate apartments. If we do get separate apartments it probably will lead to a break up soon or later. Before anyine say anything, I’ve talked about me pitching in for the ring or settling for something cheap and upgrading after we get married. Giving him another chance until april, is this a fair plan? I’m becoming numb to the word “engagement” and very annoyed that I even have to bring up an ultimatum.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.