(Closed) 5 Years of Marriage…And I still hate my engagement ring!!!

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel like if you’ve been married for 5 years, you don’t have to pussy foot around the subject anymore. Tell him you find it impractical and that you’re going to have it re set. IME men don’t take hints. You have to be direct with them. 

Post # 3
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does your husband make you feel cherished in other ways? 

3 years later, I still feel very meh about my ring, but I don’t really care anymore. It’s just an inanimate object and I wear it because it makes my husband happy to see me wearing it. He is proud of it and the real sacrifice is the one people don’t see… where he supported us while I went through an internship and finished university, etc…

I did get a small diamond band from him last Christmas that I like to pair up with my wedding band. I wear it all the time and he doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve pretty much left my e-ring in a box. Maybe you could ask for something like that from your husband… just explain that you’d like something you can wear all the time, especially at work, and if it can be worn with your wedding band, all the better.

Post # 4
8019 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is he a good husband otherwise? Maybe he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. People don’t always wear their e-ring after awhile, so in theory, you could just wear your wedding band. If your e-ring bothers you so much, why don’t you just get it reset yourself? 

Post # 5
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

cowgirl09:  If your husband is like many men, he is goig to feel “meh” about being involved with this process. Just pick out a setting you love, reset, and go on with your life. Don’t try to force him into this, or you may end up feeling more resentful when he doesn’t put in the effort you want him to because he genuinely doesn’t “get” the big deal about a piece of jewelry.

Post # 6
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

cowgirl09:  I would stop dropping hints and just sit down and talk to him about it. Bring pictures of exactly what you want (bring the exact product numbers if that’s possible), get all the info for contacting your parents jewelry shop (just so he has no excuses), and explain that it would mean so much to you if he took the time to do this….and that it would be a wonderful Christmas or Valentine’s Day gift.

Post # 7
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

You’ve tried the indirect approach and it didn’t work. If this is really important to you I think you need to clearly communicate exactly what you want; the same way you have done here, but with your husband. I agree with the other posters, he probably just isn’t clued into how important this is to you. 

Post # 8
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

cowgirl09:  I feel like you want to recreate the experience of him picking out an engagement ring for you since you didn’t get that the first time. My feeling is that if he didn’t do it when he actually proposed, there’s probably a reason (especially since you didn’t want to pick it yourself). It sounds like he really is not comfortable picking out jewelry for you- so I don’t think he’ll want to pick out your new setting either. I think you should just get it reset how you like it- it sounds like he’s just not a jewelry picking kind of guy, and it’s not really fair to like put him through a test of picking out a second setting when you might then not like that one either. 

Post # 9
10596 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Some men just don’t get it. Since your family owns a jewelery store I’d just go myself to pick out a new setting and be done with it. At least that way you will be happy with your ring. You can’t expect your husband to go pick out a setting and surprise you if he isn’t a romantic type of guy. My husband is just about the least romantic as you can get so I understand where you are coming from. He basically just tells me to pick out something I want as a gift and he pays for it, that’s his idea of romance lol I’ve learned to accept that I will be picking out my own gifts for the rest of my life 🙂

Post # 10
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 1995

I agree w/ppl – if u really do not care AT ALL about the style tell him to buy u a ring but be prepared cuz men often misunderstand our ideas and do not necedsarily even see the subtle differences in jewelry types/styles. BUT if u want a ring you will love pick it out/design it yoursrelf. Men are generally farless romantic or intuitive than we would like to belrive and most of those romantic notions are from fairy tales anyway (tho I know there r some exceptions) Once you have the ring give it to him and ask that he create a special date night to present it to you in a romantic way. Tell him it is important to you and it will be fun and a special memory. He couls get some ideas from the internet. That way you get what you want in a ring and hopefully he puts some effort into the experience of officially presenting the gift. You are both involved and it becomes a new memory to share. 

Post # 11
1929 posts
Buzzing bee

You knew the kind of man you were marrying when he made you pick out the ring and he put no effort into proposing- he is not going to put any effort into picking out a setting. And obviously he is not listening when you tell him you want the ring reset, right? He doesn’t care about the ring–> If you want something done you are going to have to do it yourself.

And if you keep pushing him into picking the setting, he will half-ass it just to get it over with.

Post # 12
5946 posts
Bee Keeper

cowgirl09:  He may just not want to get you another ring or reset the current one.  Look at it from his perspective “You picked out that ring.”  Yes you were pressued into doing so and didn’t feel comfortable, but perhaps he saw no issue with that, and now can’t understand why someone who picked out their own ring can’t love it?  I read the previous post a bit, before coming and posting here.  Unless you said in plain words “I don’t like this ring.” When you first picked it out than maybe he would have understand.  It’s human nature to accidentally make mistakes and thing one thing and then realize it’s not really your style.  But it’s been nearly if not 5 years.  He’s not going to get any hints you drop because you’ve worn it for five years.

I think if you don’t like it, you change it.  Don’t pressure him into making the change for you and then giving it to you some sentimental way.  The past is the past, he didn’t propose to you in the way you thought he would, but that was five years ago…

Post # 13
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think he probably doesn’t give two sh*ts about having your diamond set in a new ring. To be honest, once most men propose I think they are over the ring business lol…

Just ask him if he’sokay with the change and do it yourself. I get the feeling it probably doesn’t interest him too much or he doesn’t get the significance so if it reallt bothers you, you may have to do this on your own

Post # 14
553 posts
Busy bee

Men do not get subtle/hints  just tell him exactly and explain your reasons for being unhappy with the ring as clearly as you can explain the cost and designs and tell him of the significance of this to you without hurting his feelings ,,goodluck

Post # 15
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

As much as you dream of having this romantic gesture, it’s unrealistic if the guy isn’t naturally romantic. You can’t force it. Just do it yourself. Let go of the fantasy and get the ring you’ve always wanted

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