5 years -Ruining my own birthday

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
11965 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He’s had plenty of time. With two children, my priorities would not be an expensive reception that outdoes the ones he sees on TV. You could be married next week if he wanted to be. 

His comments were nasty, vindictive and punitive. I wouldn’t tolerate that level of disrespect. His choices would be couples counseling or child support. 

Post # 3
Hostess
8414 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

beeplume :  Oh gosh honey, what a tricky place you are in. You obviously realise, and are grateful for him being a good father etc, and we know that having a child with someone is the biggest commitment, but it doesn’t mean that you are not right for feeling upset that you are not married yet. He should understand how important it is to you. He actually sounds like he just doesn’t want to (sorry, brutal honesty) and the fact that he is making you feel bad for “wanting it too much” is wrong.

 

You should want to get married to him if you love him. Why wouldn’t you? He is undermining your feelings and acting like a child. Saying he would propose on the last day if you set a timeline. That’s pretty poor behaviour as far as I am concenred.

 

It kind of sounds like your only option (apart from leaving him) is to realise that he may never ask. Are you happy with that?

 

 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It sounds like you need to have a serious “Come to Jesus” talk with him. A lot of guys seem to go off on the “surprise proposal” train and have to be reeled back in a little bit. All you can do is tell him (again) what you want and ideally when you’d like it by. He can agree or disagree, but I think after that conversation you need to set an internal walk date. If nothing has happened by then, leave. You have two children and life is too short to be playing silly, immature games with this guy.

For whatever reason engagement/marriage is not on his radar right now (and, unfortunately, may never be), and he’s giving you every excuse in the book. All you can really do from this point forward is take care of yourself and your children.

Post # 5
Member
6799 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

beeplume :  “again he got angry and said if we put a date on it, he’d ask me the day after just because. He’s told me he doesn’t want to ask me now because I want it too much.”

I really don’t like the sound of this. It sounds like he takes pleasure in making you suffer like this.

Post # 6
Member
9729 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Doesn’t seem like he wants to marry you. 

Post # 7
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry but his whole attitude seems disgusting. Telling you he doesn’t want to talk about it because you want it too much? How dare you be so excited and passionate about spending your lives together that you actually talk about it? (sarcasm!). And then saying he wants a wrestling themed proposal? (why is he allowed to talk about it when you aren’t?) And then critiquing others’ weddings when he hasn’t even proposed to his own girlfriend yet? Who does this guy think he is? 

I’m sorry bee, I really hope I’ve interpreted this wrong but I don’t see any redeeming qualities here. Sure you say he is a great father, but there are plenty of great fathers who treat their wives like crap. I mean just because he is a good father doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for you to stay with him. 

Post # 8
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

“he got angry and said if we put a date on it, he’d ask me the day after just because. He’s told me he doesn’t want to ask me now because I want it too much.”

What kind of bullshit mindfuckery is that? Is this how he speaks to the mother of his children? And for the crime of wanting him to keep his promises? For the crime of wanting to be married to the man she loves? Boy needs a serious attitude adjustment, I hate the way he speaks to you. 

Post # 9
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

He seems so rude and manipulative. It seems like he is  gaslighting you into shutting up about marriage. 

He should have proposed a long time ago and now he thinks he runs the show because you’ll never leave because of the 2 kids. And I sure hope he hasn’t been filling your head with the idea that you’re “old” and undesirable! 

Based on the rude things he says about you wanting marriage, I bet he’s saying rude stuff otherwise. 

Although he thinks the ball is in his court, bring it back to yours. Tell him marriage is non negotiable and start to demand respect and if he doesn’t significantly shape up be prepared to leave and know that 1) you can find somebody else who loves you enough to legally commit to you and 2) he can still be the kids’ father and you can also find somebody else who can be a good father too. 

Post # 11
Member
9609 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Impatience? It’s been 5 years and you have a kid together! I’d tell him exactly where he can shove that excuse. He’s being an asshole about this. I’d ask why he clearly doesn’t care about your feelings? If he sees you getting married then what the hell is the hold up?

Post # 12
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t think he wants to marry you. Can you say 100% that you two would be together still if you didn’t have kids? 

Post # 13
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

beeplume :  Your impatience is offputting? I find his entire being profoundly offputting and would be done. Seriously, he told you he’d propose two years ago and now he has the gall to say your impatience (with a two year delay that seems very likely to extend into infinity) is offputting?

fuck this guy and all the other guys in the world that pull the same flaky manipulative gaslighting bullshit! 

Post # 14
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

beeplume :  You wouldn’t be leaving him because he didn’t give you a ring, you’d be leaving him because you can no longer trust his word or his ability to be a caring partner to you. HE is the one fucking things up royally, so IMO he is the one acting like he’s willing to lose you. 

Post # 15
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My blood is boiling for you just reading this. What a cruel asshole. You don’t deserve this, bee. 

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