5 years -Ruining my own birthday

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
11809 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

An expensive ring, a themed proposal, and a costly wedding should no longer be his or your priorities. People get engaged and married without them all the time. A dream ring can always be an upgrade when you can more easily afford one. Those things are not worth going without the legal protections and the emotional commitment at this point. Is he under the impression that you have certain standards he has to meet? 

But a huge issue remains, i.e. the taunting and the threats. I don’t care if it’s the first time. There is a first time for everything. You need to draw the line on emotional abuse in no uncertain terms. He should know that it’s a dealbeaker for you. I’d still advise counseling. 

Post # 33
Member
5972 posts
Bee Keeper

beeplume :  Sweetie, if the two of you work as a team- why don’t you have any say in your own future? Why can’t you discuss your mutual future and what each of you wants? He not only refuses to have an honest open discussion about it, he gets nasty and punitive when you ask about it. 

Post # 34
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You are in denial of how bad this guy is. He will not marry you. He has made it very clear that he is not rush to get married and he clearly does not care about your own feelings or children. He just wants to prolong what he has now because he doesn’t want to really commit. Id run not walk away. I am so sorry for you but you are blinded by hope of something that seems like it wont ever happen. A pay raise doesn’t have anything to do it. He could buy a simple ring if he was serious and upgrade later. This is complete BS. Please update us. I honestly don’t see this going anywhere.

Post # 35
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Sounds like my ex-husband. He didn’t want to be married, and certainly didn’t want to be married to me, he just liked the idea of the wedding/wife he had in his head (which doesn’t exist, loser, nobody wants to be momwife to you). 

Post # 36
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

beeplume :  Ew, I don’t like his attitude one bit. If being married is a PART of being that happy little family that you want, then you should by all means have it. It outrages me that he calls it offputting. I have also had similar convos with my bf and it pissed me off to no end. Ultimately, I gave him a timeline/ultimatum. I just had to… he was dragging his feet and I’m thoroughly convinced he’d never ask on his own volition. Not a great feeling. 🙁

Post # 37
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Yes, this. I married my ex-husband because he wasn’t as bad as my abusive ex, and because I didn’t think he’d leave me like the guy I really loved and dated after the abusive one. 

It took me four years to realise that “he isn’t a date rapist” should not be your only criteria for choosing a husband. 

Post # 38
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

He won’t ask because you “want it too much”?? What kind of crap is that?

He’ll ask when “HE” is ready?? Since when is your mutually combined future all HIS choice exactly?? 

Sorry bee, but as another poster mentioned, it would be couples counseling or child support at this point

Post # 39
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

beeplume :  sounds like you repeated history for yourself.  You got involved and pregnant by yet another man who is unwilling to marry you and somewhat abusive ( just verbally to you this time). I would make plans to move out, seeing their mother treated this way cannot be good for the kids.   Please take yourself to counseling so you will stop choosing men like this.   I feel bad for your children,  especially the first who will now lose another “father”, however, I don’t think you have much choice and maybe the 3rd time is the charm after counseling …

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