Post # 1
Im a bridesmaids and the Maid/Matron of Honor let us know she found a venue and asked if $450-$500 each was ok. 2 girls replied it worked and then me and another bridesmaid messaged her on the side.
I let her know that it was much more than I anticipated and more than double I’ve ever spent for both a shower and shower gift combined. I offered to help in anyway to keep costs down by doing any graphic designing or DIYing but $500 was a lot for me financially.
She responded with just “how much are you willing to contribute”. That response turned me off. I’m much more than “willing” to contribute I’m HAPPY to but within reason.
I get the idea from the bride that she’s expecting top notch events from comments she’s made. She is definitely expecting a destination international bachelorette which is just starting to make me feel she has no regards for our budget. I kept costs down by telling my girls to just do a shower at a residence for mine cause I knew we would have a beach weekend for my bachelorette. The cost involved in other weddings she’s been in with me have never even been more than $150 for a shower with a gift.
Happy to spend a little more than usual but how do I respond to the MOH?
Post # 2
Wow thats outrageous! How much ARE you wiling to contribute? Give her that number and stick to it. “Hi Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m happy to contribute $100 towards it. Let me know if you need help decorating or designing the invites!”
That really seems like a very expensive shower though. Keep your budget in mind with everything else too, if its an internation bachelorette, thats going to cost you too.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
“Unfortunately that exorbitantly ridiculous amount isn’t in my budget. I would be happy to contribute _______ but if that isn’t sufficient I will be unable to attend this optional event.” This is the petty in me coming out bc I think she’s bat sh*t crazy but feel free to word it however you like. I’d also like to point out how wrong it was not to ask each individual about their personal budget. A group message? Ugh. 😐 Set some boundaries now. Sounds like this will only get worse.
Post # 5
Heck no. I’d do $100 max if I’m even still going to do it after how she’s acting. That’s so entitled.
Post # 6
That’s more than my entire shower is costing by a decent amount. I would just be honest and let her know how much you are willing to contribute. In my opinion that’s is an insane amount.
Post # 7
I would be turned off, too.
I’d say, Maid/Matron of Honor, it is my understanding that people OFFER to host or contribute to a shower and if they do, they also have input into the budget and type of party. Since what you have in mind is far more expensive than anything I would have considered, I am happy to have you organize and host.
She was way out of line.
As for the international bachelorette, I’d be sending my regrets for that one, too.
Post # 8
You are in no way, obligated to meet the bride’s expectations. She should be grateful that her bridal party is hosting a shower of any sort.
Tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that you cannot afford to participate if it is held in a venue, that you are happy to help find someone who is willing to host in their home and you expect the whole shower will not exceed $150-$200 for light refreshments.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I’d tell her you’re willing to contribute X amount and leave it at that.
Post # 10
Wtf? Then there’s the cake, the food, decorations, and your gift.. why can’t someone host it at their house? I would never ever pay $500, nope. Not even if the money was inconsequential – by principle, no.
Post # 11
What the hell!
Is the bride or Maid/Matron of Honor very wealthy and sort of “out of touch with reality” about money issues? Or are they just using this as an opportunity to spend a lot of money and feel like they are glamorous or something?
500 is a ridiculous amount, it would be in my friendship circle anyway.
Stand your ground, as PP have said just state how much you are willing to pay and say that it’s OTT. xo
Post # 12
In our circle $500 is 5 times more than we’ve ever been asked to contribute. She’s only been in 1 other wedding and I can’t imagine she contributed that much.
Post # 13
The cost for cake, and decor and favors were factored in but still seems excessive.
Post # 14
How many people are in the bridal party and what’s the total cost of this event?! That doesn’t affect the etiquette—I’m just trying to wrap my head around this ridiculousness.
Edit: I deleted the rest of my reply because I am an idiot and misread the post. But the Maid/Matron of Honor is way out of line. Tell her what your financial contribution limit is and stick with it. She can find a less lavish venue if she needs to.
Post # 15
3 maid of honors and 2 bridesmaids who are currently out numbered! Not sure what the MOH’s are thinking. It’s not even in a major city so I don’t know whats going on.