500 bucks each for a shower?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
2742 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re taking MOH’s question a little too personally. I don’t know her, but it sounds like a fair question to ask, depending on tone, which you don’t know because it was in writing.

$500 is absurd, but answer MOH’s question and don’t take offense to it.

Post # 17
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

pearlybaker :  

If her text was just the bare, unadorned  ‘how much are you willling…. etc ” then I can understand   why you might be feeling a  little put out . I would too, it’s rather poor manners to  put a person on the spot so obviously . But  she may not have meant to.  . I’d  reply to the effect that   it  is not a matter of ‘willing’but a matter of only being able to afford $150 or whatever and reiterate your offer of doing stuff.  

FWIW, I think it’s a mad amount, its in the region of what  ? $2, 500 all up between you. Hell no.

Post # 19
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

pearlybaker :  Umm no. This would not go down well with me. $3500 is hugely excessive for just the shower, not including a gift plus all the extra costs of the international bachelorette too. 

The “3 maid of honours” thing is setting the scene for me as to how extravagant/ demanding the bride is.

I would just say “I am more than willing to contribute to Bride’s shower and would love to be able to afford the $500 however realistically I can only afford $X amount.”

If the other members of the bridal party/mothers/bride want all the frills of this shower badly enough, then they can cover the difference in addition to their $500. 



Post # 20
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

A $500 contribution toward a bridal shower expected from a BM? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK KIND OF NONSENCE IS THIS?😨😱

Post # 21
4144 posts
Honey bee

pearlybaker :  $500 could be half of someone’s rent! Most people have bridal shower in residences. What has happened? Why is she picking venues herself anyway? Sounds like she’s milking people for her wedding. I can’t believe the level of expectation some people nowadays have for their wedding. Too much celebrity tv watching perhaps? I’m quite pissed for you!

Post # 22
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

pearlybaker :  I would be dropping out of this wedding so fast….. $500 is almost 1/2 of my mortgage, its more than our car payment, THATS TOO MUCH! $3500 for a 3 hour party?! and thats just the venue?! There had better be gold falling from the ceilings.


Post # 23
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is insane and completely pathetic to even expect someone pay this ridiculous amount! 

Post # 24
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

$3,500 for a BRIDAL SHOWER?!?!?!

Are these people insane?!?!?

Post # 25
283 posts
Helper bee

That is a totally absurd amount to expect from a bridesmaid. That is the cost of a catered lunch at a super fancy hotel near us. I’ve been to showers like that, but they were always paid entirely by an aunt or something. I’ve personally never contributed more than $50 for a shower. 

Post # 26
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

WTF is wrong with these girls. Its a freaking shower for god’s sake. Having insane over the top showers is so freaking unnecessary. Like just asking for a second wedding.

That Maid/Matron of Honor is out of her mind, if someone asked me that I would literally laugh and e transfer them tops $100.


Post # 27
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hi Bee,

Just going to offer my been-there comments, because I’ve been in a very similar situation recently.

It was slightly less than what you are being asked for, but still excessive, in my mind and in prior experiences ($375) and it was actually demanded by the Maid/Matron of Honor via a group text of everyone else. It caused an uproar because those that could afford said, great, wonderful, and those of us that couldn’t were looked at off when we questioned why we weren’t asked prior and why we weren’t allowed to help plan/make decisions.

I’ve been in many weddings, and even the one where we hosted at a restaurant, and only split among 4 people, didn’t cost more than $250 each and that was for favors, food, games, gift, everything, for everyone. So the $375 that didn’t even include food seemed excessive. (And I am in a big city area).

So I’ve been there and I feel for you. My takeaway in my situation is the bride (although a sweet person and I do truly believe that) was raised with money, always had more than enough of it, and didn’t understand that to some people that’s A LOT of money. I ended up not giving the full amount, only giving what I could afford (and yes, more than at most of my other friends showers). 

Bottom line, MOH(s) should ask, never assume, what people are comfortable with first, and separately, to avoid any awkwardness or unfairness. A shower (or bachelorette) isn’t a given and should be given under the agreement of all those paying. Big, small, expensive, inexpensive – whatever. Everyone has to agree in advance. No blindly asking for money after. That is definitely rude.

Best of luck with everything. I feel you.

Post # 28
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oh hell no.  I think $100 (MAX!) is a very generous amount to pay, knowing all the other forthcoming costs, unless you’re a freaking millionaire or something.  Try to stay cool though, you don’t want to escalate some annoying bridesmaid drama…

socalgirl1689 :  $500 is more than half my mortgage!

Post # 29
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

The only thing I can think of is the shower from Bridesmaids hahaha

Post # 30
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

5 people EACH contributing 400-500!??!  WTF kinda shower is she having.  There is no way any shower should be upwards of 2000-2500.  Nope…not a chance I would contribute that much for a shower. 

ETA: OH!  I just saw that the moms are contributing too for up to 3500!?!?  Seriously, can I get an itemized list of expenses for this shower?  That’s insane. 

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