Post # 46
pearlybaker : Just respond with what you are comfortable with paying and don’t worry about whether her tone was rude or not, that’s her problem. I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend’s wedding and did a back yard shower…it cost me $2000 (I didn’t ask anyone to contribute and nobody offered) just saying…events add up quick.
Post # 47
$3500? who the fuck does she think she is? Haha, well ridiculous for a shower IMO unless it’s someone’s rich aunt or friend that wants to foot the bill then cool. But asking your friends to is rude. Normally the entire group sits and and decides what type of event to host.
I did spend about $500 to co-host a baby shower for a friend but that included our gift and it was just me and one other person hosting so the whole thing was maybe $900-$1k with a gift. Most of the $ just went to food (which we did ourselves), alcohol, decorations, and we made centerpieces (diaper cakes with toys and other things attached). Plus a gift. Maybe 20-25 people. So they can add up quick for a large crowd or restaurant setting (ours was in a rental room of an apartment complex for $50) but that’s really rude to plan it without your input and expect you to pay lots of $$. $1k is a long way off from $3500. Although I don’t know how people plan showers for only a couple hundred dollars either, I enjoy real food and decor too much I guess and get carried away.
Post # 48
Give us an update with what she says – and offer $100 🙂
Post # 49
pearlybaker : If you are paying for the shower that can easily be considered your gift. Especially since none of this was ever planned or organized by you.
I would spend no more than 100 for a contribution and gift combined. It has nothing to do with budget, and everything to do with the principle. I would not feel the least bit intimidated or pressured.
In general, shower gifts are supposed to be practical and MODEST. You should decide what your total budget is for a wedding gift and divide between a small shower gift and a more generous wedding gift.
Post # 50
pearlybaker : Don’t cave. If you don’t have the money for $300 DON’T DO IT!!!
Post # 51
After talking to another bridesmaid in the group we figure $200 including gift seems appropriate. No one should have to pay $400+ for a shower. Its not practical. We both agree if you want something over the top and the best of the best your family needs to step in to give that to you.
Now I got to let the Maid/Matron of Honor know. Ugh. Delicately wording things is not always my strong suit.
Post # 52
Your posts sound like mine! This is rediculous, I had a shower at a hall (no alcohol and like 50 people and it was less than 500), these girls need to find somewhere else to have it. I was trying to get a feel on here of a reasonable amount for a shower and no one said anyone near this high. I think 100 including a gift is more than sufficient for a shower (or if I had to I guess I would go 100, and a 20-30 gift). I will say I was in a sitution where they wanted me to pay 300 and I was already contributing a lot and traveling a lot, and I basically said no I can contriubte 100, and the MoH wrote back and made a huge fuss about it and basically called me out in front of everyone and sent it back to the bride- really inappropriate. Be prepared for the worst. I would never contribute that much to a shower.
Post # 53
pearlybaker : If you don’t want to be confrontational and feel that your finances are none of her business, which they aren’t, just tell her that you are comfortable contributing X.
That’s both straightforward, polite, and vague enough to imply whatever you want it to. Most of all, it gives you back control of your own budget.
Bottom line, the Maid/Matron of Honor was rude and presumptuous. You don’t have an obligation to participate at all. Again, it’s a generous thing to do, but it is optional and voluntary. Certainly if it causes financial hardship or stress of any kind, you can always attend as a guest.
Post # 54
Think I’m gonna say:
I’m more than willing to contribute and happy to do so 🙂 Around $200 for the shower combined with the gift seems more realistic. Do you have a budge put together? I’m happy to help try and figure out ways to cut costs or research more venues. Also, if you would like me to take care of the invitations let me know the quantity so I can get you pricing for printing.
Post # 55
Another thing I want to add here. It sounds like this girl came frome money. Maybe this isnt the appropriate thing to do, but why dont you ask the MoH if they asked the parents of the bride or groom if they were interested in hosting. I know my mom felt bad for the bridesmaids because they had so many other costs (destination bachelorette, traveing to wedding), that she picked up a large part of my shower. Honestly, this is very common in my circle (for the mother of the bride to ick up a large portion of the tabnow there are etiquette rules against it, but with the cost of being a bridesmaid these days I think its becoming more and more understandable). Especially if she has a large amount of family guests there.
Post # 56
TwilightRarity : 😂😂😂
Op, that’s crazy. I keep hearing about these ridiculously expensive showers and bachelorette trips. For the average person I feel like they are a pain in the ass. I would politely tell her what you are willing to contribute and leave it at that. You shouldn’t have to struggle to pay for a freakin party.
Post # 57
pearlybaker : Maybe instad of saying the more realistic part, you could say,With my other expenses at this time, I think it is within my means to contribute XXX amount. I like your part about researching other venues. I personally would send my own gift and take that from your amount (if you can contribute 200, give 150 and a 50 dollar gift). I would want to know they actually used some of my money for a gift at the end of the day.
Post # 58
pearlybaker : “…seems more realistic” isn’t very delicately worded in my opinion, but I actually think it’s better that you sound a little annoyed rather than delicate in this situation. Hopefully this will be enough :/
Post # 59
pearlybaker : I didn’t read every reply, but make sure you make it clear, when planning comes up, that you’re not prepared to do an international destination bachelorette. If they insist, tell them to enjoy it without you.
Post # 60
K guys. I revised! This is what was sent:
I’m more than willing to contribute and happy to do so 🙂 If money were no object I would love to afford to give $500 however, realistically, I’m more comfortable with around $200 for the shower combined with the gift. Do you have a budget put together? I’m happy to help figure out how to cut costs or research more venues. Also, if you would like me to handle the invitations let me know the quantity and I can reach out to my printer to give you pricing.
I’ll keep you posted.