500 bucks each for a shower?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

pearlybaker :  If they want to go somewhere tropical just let them and send your regrets. Not everyone can go to everything, this is part of life! Dont let them make you feel bad about it. “Im avoiding places with zika right now but Ill take the bride out some other time to celebrate. Have fun!”. Or “honestly, I can only spend XXX on a weekend right now, but if you guys want to travel I totally understand! Ill take the bride out another time.”

Post # 77
184 posts
Blushing bee

pearlybaker :  I really wouldn’t back down on this. honestly, this is an ABSURD amount of money to spend on a shower, and the fact that the Maid/Matron of Honor has ignored your budget is just plain RUDE?? Xx

Post # 78
4910 posts
Honey bee

pearlybaker :  So, a $500 bridal shower AND a destination bach? Wtf? Too much. If you’re really comfortable with $250, ok. But your can remind her that your budget of $200 WITH gift. Good Lord they sound entitled. Honestly, if be tempted to drop out completely but I also have a much lower budget than that. 

If you do go ahead with the $250, please do not let them rope you into spending a crap load of money on the bach. I have no doubt they’ll expect you to pay even if you don’t go. I like the suggestion that you say you’re taking the bride out separately and that’s that. 

Post # 79
4910 posts
Honey bee

Unrelated, what do they do for a living? No judgement, I just think I’m in the wrong line of work because even if I wanted to do ask this for a friend I really wouldn’t be able to not even saving. 

Post # 80
20 posts

OMFG that is rediculous! Also to everyone saying their bridesmaids had to/should contirbute …..

According to EMILY POST:

Contrary to popular belief, the maid/matron of honor and the bridesmaids are not required to host a shower as part of their official responsibilities.

I think its beyond tacky to have your best friends/bridesmaids contribute money to a shower and have them buy a gift (as if you havent asked enough of them already- dresses/bachelorettes/wedding gifts etc)




Post # 81
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

pearlybaker :  “Next battle will be the destination bachelorette. Can’t go to anywhere that has Zika so I’m sure they will be thrilled about that.”

You’re being too flexible. You should say “no” to any destination bachelorette at all, and don’t feel embarassed about it. It’s a ridiculous expectation – both in terms of time and money. Tell them it’s local, or to enjoy it without you. You didn’t sign up to expenses like that when you agreed to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 82
539 posts
Busy bee

aussiemum1248 :  + 1 

Especially if you’re going to let the extra $50 above your budget slide here, this is perfect opportunity to say something like:

“I see that you’ve made an effort to reduce the costs somewhat, and I really appreciate that! But at this point I think I should be really clear that I can’t afford to attend a destination bachelorette as well. That sounds amazing, and I’d love to be able to afford it, but it’s all becoming too much for me budget-wise.” Apologies etc. etc.


Post # 83
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

pearlybaker :  

 Next battle will be the destination bachelorette. Can’t go to anywhere that has Zika so I’m sure they will be thrilled about that.

God I was joking when I said that about a  destination  bachelorette !! You have to stop backing down and giving in to these ridiculous demands ! Work out what you can (and  want to) afford in money and time off work terms and say so, to all concerned. PP above suggested a good formula to use.

Do not go ‘ oh all right then  anything to keep the peace….’

Post # 84
627 posts
Busy bee

pearlybaker :  Don’t feel like you’re going to have to make it work just because she said so. You said that you are comfortable with $200. It’s not okay for her to make you feel you have to add on another $50. This is already so much money for a shower!

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