Post # 16
The number invited should be limited to the number that can safely be accomodated under shelter in case of bad weather.
I suggest you give each set of parents and yourselves as a couple, a set number of invitations and let your FIL’s decide who they are going to invite.
Post # 17
@eloping: Invited as in she has them on her guest list, not verbally invited (or at least I hope).
I agree with you, fiance and I should sit down alone with the guest lists and see where we can make cuts. My Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t exactly hold back her thoughts so she may sway my Fiance one way or another…
It is hard for me to explain the situation. I was at several weddings last summer, at this venue, where over 500 if not 600 people were invited and people come in “groups”. It seems that a “group” comes at 5, 6, and 7 to eat.
My parents are paying for the meal. FIL are paying for the alcohol.
Post # 18
You need to change venues or invite fewer people, period. If you guys aren’t paying for it, that at least takes some of the pressure off!
Post # 19
I will add…There is space upstairs where we could seat people as well. I do agree with PP that no one wants to be secluded and unable to see what’s going on. We do not have many places to choose from in my area, and hate to make family travel. Somehow this will work. We will definitely be making cuts, I will put my foot down!
Post # 20
@September2012: I would tell your Future In-Laws that you want to keep the guestlist equal because it’s unfair to your parents.
Post # 21
The only people seeing my guest list are me and my fiance! We dont need people to see us get married and celebrate our day who we’ve never met before(except the +1’s)
Post # 22
Change venues or cut 250 off your list
Post # 23
maybe you need a rule, if you or your Fh can’t name these people, or think of one fact about them, they don’t need to be invited,
please do not sit peoplei the overflow section! just makes them feel unwanted like they are lnly there for the gifts.
Post # 24
Maybe you should try to approach this from a different angle when speaking with your Future Mother-In-Law. Tell her that you understand why she wants so many people and that you want a lot of people to expeirence the day with you as well. BUT you also want the guests that are there to be comfortable. You don’t want guests leaving thinking it was a “bad” wedding (it won’t be a bad wedding..it will be perfect..but maybe you just use that word with your FMIL) beacuse of how crowded and uncomfortable it was.
Tell her that you want the guests that are there to have an enjoyable expeirence and not feel like one of the masses…
Maybe this will speak more to your Future Mother-In-Law…I mean, let’s face it, she’s probably inviting so many people because she wants everyone to see her son get married to a beautiful woman, and have her son’s wedding be the talk of the town (which there is nothing wrong with that)…=) but tell her that if that many people are there, they probably won’t even physically “see” her son, and the talk of the town will be about how croweded it was!
Post # 25
Cut the guestlist to only those you and your fiance know and want there. If any invites have already gone out to anyone else, you might need to have security to turn them away. You should not have to pay your hard earned money to entertain random strangers, nor should you let your mother in law walk over you and insist on something that is not reasonable or feasible.
Post # 26
Good luck with this. Hope you tell us what happens. 🙂
Post # 27
I would say to cut down the list. But, most of the venues I’ve looked at have said a seated reception has so many and then a cocktail reception allows MUCH more. I also had one say that with a buffet of appetizers, they typically have seating for about half the guests b/c not everyone eats at the same time. Is it possible to look into that if no one wants to cut anyone?
Post # 28
500 people is kind of ridiculous. I would ask your Future In-Laws to cut down on their invites and take a long, hard look at the rest of the list, too. Surely all 500 of them are not important enough to you to HAVE to be at your wedding?
Post # 29
I’m more worried about health and safety regulations of this venue…
If they accomadate barely 200 and they’re allowing more than that… is that a clear violation of the law?
Regardless of who is paying for the wedding, they should not dictate anything other than budget. But that’s just my opinion.
I would pick a new location or shorten that guest list!!
Post # 30
@MapleMoose: Totally agree. I recently went to a wedding where the rooms were somewhat segregated and they had an outside tent, and no seating arrangement. I was left without a seat.
THIS. This is not your mother in law’s wedding, regardless of who is paying, it is a special day for you and your husband, and a party for your friends (and yes, some of your parents friends) to celebrate with you. It is not the social event of the year. If you don’t know a single thing about a guest, it’s not okay.
500 people is a boatload. Especially for a space that says it fits 175. that’s more than double its capacity. Granted not all that are invited will show up, but it’s not best to bank on that (and the no show will hardly pare it down to a managble number for the venue).