(Closed) 579 days to go….’til I’m engaged….would you wait?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

oops.  .misread that.


Post # 4
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think that trying to pay off a 25 year mortgage on such an agressive timeframe would make me one cranky wench because I would be depriving myself of a lot of things that make me happy in order to achieve that goal. And on top of that he insists upon delaying marriage until he achieves this arbitrary goal. Yeah, extreme crankiness would ensue, and I would be asking myself whether my SO really prioritizes me and my feelings as at least being equal to his own. Or is he so single minded that he cannot compromise with me on something so important. And if so, is that behavior something I want to deal with for the rest of my life.

Post # 5
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

No, I wouldn’t. Are you contributing to this mortgage even though you are not engaged/married?

I don’t see how the mortgage should affect whether you get engaged. That makes no sense to me.

Post # 6
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

You could be engaged during that time frame.

Post # 8
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes! That’s one big feat if you ask me! Congrats on wanting to be out of debt but I REALLY don’t think it’s healthy to try to put marriage off until then. Then again, it’s his idea so what are you going to do?

I would go nuts if I had that long to wait. From the last time I talke to my boyfriend I have a few months at least and that’s driving me nuts as it is. I’d cry if him paying off his house was more important than making me his wife.

Post # 9
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t. At all. Especially since my name isn’t on it.

Post # 10
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, absolutely not.

And as someone who is going through the home buying, mortgage researching process – the notion of paying it off in 3 years is not only unrealistic, but puts an insane amount of stress on you both for no reason.  Paying a mortgage over time is actually GOOD for your credit. If it was meant to be paid off in 3 years, more people would be doing that.

The way life works, you can bet your kidneys that some unexpected financial issue WILL pop up (always does) that will end up delaying this goal. What happens then? You are put in the position of waiting even longer?

Paying off a mortgage quickly is admirable – setting an unrealistic and more than likely unttainable goal of cutting 22 years off of the repayment  – and holding up a marriage because of it – is just a recipe for dissapointment and heartache.

Post # 11
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t do that. There’s never going to be a perfect time to get married. There are always problems and there are always inconveniences. There’s no way I would wait that long. 🙁 Good luck!

Post # 12
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I find waiting that long for that reason to be ridiculous, so no I would not wait.

Post # 13
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, I would… but:

Paying off a mortgage quickly is admirable – setting an unrealistic and more than likely unttainable goal of cutting 22 year off of the repayment  – and holding up a marriage because of it – is just a recipe for disapointment and heartache.

@mandypop:  Hits it on the head. If he was realistic about his ability to pay it off and save for a wedding, I’d be around. But since he seems unreasonable… no.

Post # 14
14443 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Agree with PP.. its not the length of time to wait, but the reason.  A man would really wanted to get married would do it no matter what, not come up with what I think is a pretty rediculous reason.  People get engaged and married WHILE paying off a house all the time.

Post # 15
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wait 3 years so “we” can pay off *his* mortgage? I mean, if you live there, and you see it as yours too, fine.

Honestly, my problem is more with the arbitrary deadline. You already own a house, plenty of people take 30 years to pay it off. Why can’t you get married now? Or at least engaged now? And what’s to say that once he pays off the mortgage, he won’t come up with another arbitrary deadline? It’s like people say, “If you wait until you’re financially set, you’ll never do it.” 

I guess it’s one thing to say “wait until we finish school, or until we can buy a house.” Those are to make sure you’re really in a position to support yourselves. But “until our house is paid off” is kinda random.

Post # 16
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I think the missing info is how is he so sure he can pay off the house in 3 years? Is he a lotto winner? Aside from that, I agree with everyone else. You already own the house, which is awesome… and should be enough to be able to move on to marriage.

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