(Closed) 579 days to go….’til I’m engaged….would you wait?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Based on the numbers you provided… “unrealistic” is actually not the right word… It’s impossible. I’d wager that 75% of the engaged girls here, along with their fiances have school or mortgage debt. It may be a very valid reason to get married on a budget, but not a reason not to get married. Time for you to move on, you deserve better.

Post # 63
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@lookingglass:  have the goalposts been changed AGAIN? i remember last time you said it was until he’d paid off ‘more’ of the mortgage – now he wants to pay it ALL off??


Holy moly!  I didn’t realize this wasn’t the OP’s first post on the subject.

OP, reading your previous posts, I would RUN, not walk, away.  This man seems to be using every excuse he can come up with not to marry you.  Not only is it unrealistic for him to pay off the mortgage in three years based on his current salary, I have a feeling that if/when it is paid off, there will be some other reason to delay the engagement.  Every day you waste waiting on him to finally be ready is a day you could be out there searching for someone who loves you and WANTS to marry you.

Going to go Dr. Phil on you for a minute, but “the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.”  How many times does he get to push back the proposal?  How many YEARS does he get to push back the propsal?  You mentioned in another post being concerned about being able to have kids due to age/health…does he get to take that from you, too?  When do YOU get to make some decisions?

Post # 64
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@KatyElle:  Agree wholeheartedly. No way.

Post # 65
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Looking at his current salary it seems to be VERY impossible to pay his mortgage within 3 years… except he expects any kind of inheritence from his parents or to win the lottery. 

Plus, even if some miracles happen and he ends up paying off his mortgage within 3 years, how long will it take him to feel that he has saved up enough to actually have a wedding? Another 2-3 years? 

Seems like it will be another 5+ years before you are walking down the aisle…Frown

I understand that some men want to have a good job and savings and/or investments before they are getting married. I guess this guy is just taking it to the extreme. I think you just need to understand that it will be a long wait if you decide you want to stay with him and there is a chance that it will not happen at all. 

Post # 66
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m waiting almost two years so I can’t judge the timeframe, but we came to the deicision together – we’re starting to have children in three years for sure, and we both want to be married by that point, so we’re working backwards from there. I think he should take you into consideration in this situation. You should talk about how this makes you feel with him. Not in a pressuring way, just tell him the way this is making you feel!

I agree with other posters who say this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, you just need to clarify exactly what you are waiting for and what happens at every step.

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