(Closed) 59 days left & I have lost the magic… (first ever post and it is a long one!)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m sorry, I didn’t read the whole post. It was too long. But I will say that by the end of wedding planning, I was ready for it to be done, especially the last two weeks. I was so stressed out. People kept asking me if I was excited, and it was like, “no, I just want it to be done.”

Even with feeling like this, our wedding day was wonderful and surreal. It’s okay to want to be done with planning, or to be finished caring about all the details. But on the day of, take it all in and enjoy your day. Be in the moment and it will be surreal.

Post # 4
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

I read the whole thing And it sounds like you are burnt out from making disappointing decisions. it sounds like a series of stressful events!!

 

my advice to you would be to pick one thing (something you can control) to be excited about and do in your own special way. Maybe writing your own vows or dancing to a certain song or have a specific cake. I found it helped to focus on the party aspect of the wedding: your loved ones are all there to celebrate and have fun together! It’s going to be like going to an awesome party where everyone knows you and is excited to see you. 

Post # 5
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Hang in there. It is totally normal to want everything to be perfect but on your wedding day I bet you’ll be happy because you’ll be marrying the love of your life and surrounded by friends and family.

Post # 6
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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canuck24:  I was much like you (not overly girly, frustrated with wedding planning drama) and I agree 100% with PP. Like you, I felt very unenthused in the months leading to my wedding day.

The day before my wedding, my bachelorette party was a major bust because my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t really plan anything and it was just a huge disappointment. I was over the wedding drama, over the Planning drama, and not excited about my dress, as much as I wanted to be. I just wanted it over.

My wedding day had SO many things go wrong and it was still quite simply– amazing! My DH was awed by my dress, and I felt beautiful in it because of that. I had a blast and the day was all of those special things that I was convinced it wouldn’t be. Yours will be just as amazing, I believe. 

Post # 7
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
canuck24:  can you two do something very customized to the two of you? For example a cake layer flavor that your Fiance adores. Or maybe you could have your cake decorated to reflect a shared hobby or how you met. What about your music? Did you give your DJ some faves only you and Fiance would ever dream of including.

As for your dress, I’m sure you will look so gorgeous. Can you add a piece of jewelry that expresses you? For your reception can you buy a cute pants outfit that’s dressy?

 

 

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

I read the whole thing and I started to feel stressed for you, so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I’m sorry that your venues didn’t work out but I’m also very sorry that your loved ones are letting you down. That has to be so hard. Try to focus on the fact that you’ll soon be marrying your partner and starting a life together.

If it’s any comfort, I had to give up my dream venue because my parents are inviting too many people. Their guest list is bigger than both mine and my fiancé’s combined. So, I sort of understand a little bit of what you’re going through. 

Everyone acts like wedding planning is so fun and exciting, but so far, I’m dreading it. I’m just ready to be married. I’m sorry though Bee, and I hope some good fortune comes your way soon. 

Post # 9
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I didn’t read the whole thing but I did read the bit about the dress. I have read many posts where women have liked their dress, but didn’t get all emotional and “this is it!!” about it. I think it has to do with the sort of person you are. you admit that you are not “a clothes person” and that you didn’t dream of your wedding gown as a kid. I expect that if you were this type of person, then maybe you would have felt a bit more emotional. So don’t worry! It fits, you like it, you look good in it. That’s all you need 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Venues cancelling sounds horrible.  Yet the rest of your post is actually…pretty normal, believe it or not.  For those of us who don’t care about the details of wedding planning, and by the time you get to the stage you are at, yeah it gets monotonous and boring.  I’ve personally been very “over” wedding planning for a few months now.  Wedding planning is not as glorious as people sometimes make it seem.  It is a stressful process, probably one of the most stressful times of your life up until this point.  Considering how weddings are showcased on all these TV shows and how people are taught from an early age how weddings are a “fairy tale”…in reality it isn’t that way at all.  For those who are low key and don’t necessarily care if the tablecloths are ivory or egg shell white, it eventually feels ridiculous.  And honestly despite how people try to make weddings their own, the majority of weddings are the same…or at least very similar.

My point being: it will still be a lovely day because you are marrying the man you love.  Who cares if the venue isn’t exactly what you’re looking for?  Who cares if your dress didn’t cause you to cry when you put it on?  All that matters is at the end of the day you will be married to the man you love.

Post # 11
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
ljm308:  Amen to everything you said, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

OP, I was also so sick by all the wedding details and the stress; everything felt like a chore. But the fact is, you are planning a party for a large group of friends and family, and that takes work. Thinking about logistics and worrying about the menu isn’t exciting or magical, it will not give you warm and tingly feelings. Some people really enjoy planning every details and some don’t. Regardless, it will be over soon and you will have fun at your wedding. Keep focus and breathe. 

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I have only just started my own planning process, but I work in an industry where I come into contact with lots of brides and grooms deep into the planning stages, either loving it, hating it, or somewhere in between. My biggest piece of advice: Don’t force it!

Weddings are so steeped in tradition and expectations that it can feel completely overwhelming. But at its heart, a wedding is about YOU and HIM and the people who love the two of you. There is no script that you must follow. If something doesn’t work for you, don’t try to shoehorn it in.

Want to meet up with people you care about in your hometown? Go for it! Pick out a day that works and have people meet you at your mom’s house. You can call it a shower if you want, or just an informal gathering. Does that sounds more stressful than fun? Then skip it. Nowhere is it written that you MUST have a shower to be eligible for a marriage license. Want a complicated bachelorette party involving hotel stays and space rental? Make some calls and make it happen. Or assign someone trustworthy to do it for you. Sound like too much work? How about cocktails at your place? Still think it sounds like a drag? See above comments about the shower vis a vi the marriage license. Dress didn’t make you cry? I’m not the least bit surprised. You said you don’t care much about clothing, and a wedding dress is just an article of clothing. It may be clothing you wear for a special occasion, but it’s still just a dress. It’s a few yards of fabric to cover your body.

I completely understand feeling frustrated and disappointed about your venue(s). That absolutely sucks. You were going for one style and it won’t be able to be that. But the truth of the matter is, nobody is going to notice or care or remember that the space was “too maroon.” What they will remember is the love you share with your new spouse. Oh, and the food/drink. lol

I think the kind of letdown you are feeling is very common, and it stems from the immense expectations heaped on weddings and the modern concept of the fairytale wedding. You know what? It IS “just another church.” It IS “just another dress.” It IS “just another hall.” These places and belongings are not inherently “magical” or “surreal.” It is what takes place there, wearing that dress and standing in that church, that is meaningful.

The expectations are downright damaging. Right now you feel awful because things just aren’t as magical as you feel they ought to be. So if the venue and the dress don’t make you cry and the bachelorette party isn’t like something from a movie, that must mean something is wrong, right? Something is missing? Your wedding is flawed or damaged in some deep, invisible way? NO! This is life, not a hollywood movie. Life is not big and perfect and theatrical with an unlimited budget and a never-ending cast of characters to enact a script. You aren’t close to your sister? Your wedding isn’t going to change that. You can’t cast her in the role of “doting bosom buddy” if that’s not how your relationship exists in the real world.

Long story short: let go of the script. Life is messy and flawed and beautiful. Your wedding is a part of that. This is about the love you share with your fiancé, not about shoehorning yourselves and your loved ones into some pre-existing script that may or may not fit who you are and how you move through the world.

 

Post # 13
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
saintpaulgal:  incredibly well said, and I totally agree with every Point you made. 

I felt like OP At the beginning. I moved away from my country due to my fiancé’s job, left behind a very close family and large close knit group of friends. my fiancé was born and raised in a less prosperous country in Europe and so to ensure his family could attend we chose to get married there (they would not have been able to travel elsewhere). This meant that I had to adapt to organizing a wedding in a country I don’t live in, I don’t speak tbe language, and most of all, it meant that some of my friends and family would not be able to attend (unavailable time off from work and other reasons) . Also my dream beach wedding was impossible and the best venue available looks like its a room in the titanic. 

None of my family could help with me choosing the dress etc, or help with organizing the wedding (language barriers etc) . I am hosting my own hen party the night before the wedding as its the only time my friends and I will be in the same place since I moved, and my sister is going through a rough break up so has understandably not been a great help. 

You know what? I was sad when I was facing these situations. But the truth is that my family and my friends and my fiancé’s friends and family are rallying to make it the best day of our lives. The people who will come wI’ll be people who have made a real effort to attend, and will truly share our joy. My parents are looking forward to the “surprise” of seeing my dress etc. My fiancé’s family are excited and proud to be showing off their country to our family and friends from abroad. We have “rewritten” the script and made it perfect for us, because the changes to tradition reflect us and this stage and situation of our lives. 

Dont stress OP, EVERYHING WILL BE AMAZING. Make it your wedding, not a script from a play. Do what makes you two feel good and happy regardless of the rules. 

I am looking forward to the crazyness of the day, and I wish you great luck!!

Post # 14
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar

Wow, that is just plain bad luck! I read the whole thing. If I were in your shoes I would be inclined to call my mum and MOH/sister and open up to them about the stress you’re feeling and that you would really appreciate it if they could help you by being a bit more organised with the shower/bachelorette party. But as stpaugirl said, if it’s too much of a drag, then don’t bother (unless it means a lot to you – in which case I would go bridezilla haha). 

My Fiance and I were talking about a registery office wedding much sooner and we both got really excited about it, then realised we wouldn’t have enough money for a honeymoon so we’re sticking to our original plan. Do you get excited if you think of an elopement/small wedding? Maybe you could reconsider the whole thing.

I’m with you in not wanting to spend thousands on a dress I’ll only wear once! You have a dress that fits and will look like a beautiful bride on your day! Most wedding dresses are generally similar anyway so I doubt anyone will think you don’t look gorgeous, especially your FI! Perhaps you could get some really nice accessories or a veil to make you feel more WOW, but aside from that, maybe casual browsing of bridal salons in case you see something that really takes your fancy? I wouldn’t worry too much about the dress though.

In short, tell those closest to you what you’re going through, set aside a day where you can knuckle everything out and get it all booked. Then have a day or two off planning, do something special with your Fiance and remember what it’s all about. PS. Does HE know about all this stress? Can he help in any way? Maybe he could be the one to call up your attendants and tell them how worried you are?

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