- 4 weeks ago
- Wedding: City, State
First time poster, long time lurker 🙂
I’m 30 years old, been with my boyfriend (34) for 6.5 years now, and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together. We both are professionals and make a good living. He owns the house we live in and I contribute to most of the groceries, have helped him renovate some rooms in the house as well as upgrades to lighting/ misc pieces around the house, and rent. My job has given me a raise so this past year I’ve been contributing 1000/ month, previously I was paying 500/month. He’s been talking of getting new roofing/paint/ fencing for his home the past few years, and has told me this year he will have the roof done. He’s hinted that he wants me to contribute to these expenses. I don’t feel comfortable considering the circumstances.
I feel hurt because my boyfriend still hasn’t proposed. A bit of a back story: I told him when we started dating that I didn’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend forever, due to a previous bad relationship. When we had our daughter my b/f fought with me over her last name. I wanted to hyphenate, he wanted only his name. Because I had just given birth, and he made it sound like we’d be married soon, I didn’t have the strength to argue, I let it happen.
I feel like I’ve waited long enough, and since he’s never asked me anything about when/where I want to get married, what kind of rings I like, or anything to do with marriage I finally summoned up the courage this past January if/when he plans on proposing. This was difficult for me because I have high anxiety. He acted like I dropped a bomb on him. Had every excuse in the book as to why we couldn’t get married : it’s too expensive, why the sudden rush, even saying I don’t contribute enough to the house chores! Then after further prodding he told me he would marry me in 2 years, a timeline I’m not on board with. I told him I wanted to be engaged in a year, and I won’t be having any more children until we are married. The conversation ended with him being pissed off because this was so sudden for him, and me crying a lot so I couldn’t continue on with talking about it at that point.
This has been devastating for me because he’s known for a long time that this is important to me, I feel that he’s making excuses to mask the truth and he’s become too comfortable with the way things are. I have no other family on my side to talk to about this, which may be an underlying problem for him, he has never met any of my family due to me severing ties with my parents years ago. His side of the family has been very welcoming and his father went as far as to say that he considers me one of his daughters. He is confused as to why we haven’t tied the knot yet.
After reading through the other posts on here I’ve decided to talk with him about it again. I’m giving myself a week to compose myself and be ready for a more mature conversation. I’m afraid that when I ask him again next week that I’m going to start crying right away, which is something I really can’t control because I’ve always been emotional. I’m hoping to get some insight and I have a few questions on how to do this. I was thinking of having my daughter stay at grandmas overnight and for me to write him a letter so I can get everything off my chest, then we can have a discussion without me getting overly emotional about it? Any pointers? advise?
Thank you anyone that can help.