(Closed) 6 days til wedding and I've got drama – advice needed please

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3080 posts
Sugar bee

Nope, you don’t have to include your stepmother. She didn’t help to raise you. However, you have to keep it the same for the groom’s side of the family – only his biological parents. I’ve frequently seen ceremonies where the mother sits in the first row, with the grandmothers, and the father sits in the 2nd, with his wife. And I wouldn’t do the thing where they introduce the parents and have them enter the reception room, ahead of the bridal party. I can’t imagine your mother would want to walk-in with your father, and the stepmother might insist she enters with him.

My 1st daughter to marry listed all four parents and 3 grandmothers. My 2nd daughter had a longer musical prelude, and wanted to thank guests for traveling (the sides were either 1.5 or 3.5 hours away), so she didn’t include parents or grandmothers. At that point, I agreed, since we were 100% hosting and I got nothing but aggravation, from his side.

Post # 3
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I not list “parents” then you won’t offend your mother or your step-mother. Is your step-mother going to be walkking in during the processional? I’d just list people who are in the processional and list them in order with their relationship

Laura Carpenter, bridesmaid

Janet Kim, step-mother of the bride

John and Sarah Brown, parents of the groom

Susan Baum, mother of the bride

Post # 5
5 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would definitely not list your stepmother if your mom is going to be so upset about it.  At the end of the day, she’s your mom and if she’s upset on the day, it’s only going to trickle down to you.  You won’t want to deal with that on your wedding day.  I probably wouldn’t list parents on your FI’s side either though… just to avoid any talk.

Post # 6
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Toronto2014: My mother passed away when I was a child and my dad has an awesome lady friend who he has been with for the past 7 years but they aren’t married – I had a similar dilemma – do I list her under “parents” because she is not my mom (even though she’s wonderful!). I ended up listing “Father of the Bride: Mr. WeatherBugsDad, accompanied by Ms. Girlfriend”. 

Would this be an option for you? List your mom under “Mother of the Bride” and your dad + wife under: “Father of the Bride: Mr. Torontos Dad, accompanied by StepMom”. That way she’s not getting the parent title, but you are acknowledging her – she is your step mom after all. 


Post # 7
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
weatherbug:  I think that’s a great compromise! Acknowledges her, without drawing too much attention to her. In the end, I think it’s more important to honor and keep your mom happy, unless you had a really great relationship with your stepmom. But it would be nice to name her in some way, so this could be a good compromise!

Post # 8
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
weatherbug:  I really like this suggestion, +1 to ” accompanied by” 

Post # 10
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Toronto2014:  It sounds like you’ve already made your decision, but I just also wanted to add more support to leaving your stepmother’s name off the program. I think that should be fine.

My parents have been divorced for 9 years and my Dad is remarried. My stepmother is a lovely woman who I get along with, but I was a grown-up by the time she came into our lives. Under parents in the program I just put my Mum and Dad, and there was no drama (at least that I was aware of!).

I think the important thing is that you don’t blanketly exclude her from all family activities (i.e. family photos etc.). So long as it’s just the particular ‘parental’ column of the program, I think that in the event anyone does take offense you can readily explain why there was this one and only exception, but hopefully it’s just a big non-issue. 

Hope your next 6 days go nice and smoothly and you have an amazing wedding 🙂

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