Post # 1
I have been with my boyfriend 4 months and he is saving for a ring. We plan to get engaged in the next 2 months. My parents were engaged after 3 months and his also pretty much right away so it is typical in our families and also feels right for us (we had dated people for much longer before and knew they weren’t for us). I don’t have any fiends with who were only dating a short time before engagement. Can you tell me your quick engagement stories?
Post # 2
My parents dated for only 4 months before getting engaged 🙂 She was 29 and he was 32. He had been 10 years post-divorce (shotgun wedding at age 19…didn’t last long, obvs). He got custody of his son finally when he was 28 and began getting back out there, but he was admittedly scared to love, because he didn’t ever really love his first wife and was basically like “well what IS love dammit”
He interviewed my mother for an organic synthesis lab job when he was 31 and she was 28. He admits that the second he saw her, he was in love and knew it. Even today she still has a broad, beautiful smile, and huge brown eyes. She thought he was cute, but she wanted to take the interview seriously. He hired her (people tease him about his conflict of interest but he was able to separate it out – she was well-qualified for the position!) and she began working in his lab, but only worked there for a couple months before my dad was promoted and moved to a different lab (same building though). It was then that he got the courage to ask her out, and she said yes.
Their first date was the state fair, and it was such a mature, lovely romance. They dated for four months and he proposed on Valentine’s Day, 1990. He didn’t kneel or anything – they just sat on the couch and he proposed with a ring that they had picked out together 🙂 They got married on June 9th, 1990. They continued to work in the same lab building until 1992, when I was born and my mom became a Stay-At-Home Mom.
Just one of my favorite stories 🙂
Post # 3
kaylarae02 : FH and I discussed engagement at 6 months, got engaged at 1 year, and will marry at 17 months. We are also both turning 35 this year so I think thats helpful.
To me our timeline felt fast. 4-6 months is definitely still the honeymoon stage. Im not saying dont do it — but understand it could all work out magically OR it could go down in flames. Making such a serious commitment so early on has its risks.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
My Brother-In-Law married someone after dating her for 6 months. Needless to say…. they are both learning a lot about each other now that they’re married, and I dont think they are as compatible as what they originally thought…
Post # 5
kaylarae02 : We started talking about engagement/marriage very early, but didn’t get engaged until about 1.5 years in, then had a short engagement and got married on our two year dating anniversary. I felt our timeline was a little rushed compared to our friends, but so far it’s worked out for us. We were 30 when we got engaged, if that matters.
If you do get engaged at 6 months, I would suggest having at least a year engagement so you can make sure it’s not just the honeymoon stage feelings making you think marriage is a good idea.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2019 - City, State
My husband and I were engaged within three months and married a little over a year later. We are very much in love.
Post # 7
I remember your last thread. I thought you decided to wait a bit longer?
It seems like from your posts you’re rightfully nervous and wanting stories that it will turn out fine. If that’s so, maybe you should hold off a while longer and stop doing what everyone else around you did.
Post # 8
My parents were together for less than a year when they got married. They met in September and married the following June. They have now been married for 37 years! I will say though that their marriage was not without its hardships especially as we were growing up. They had me a couple years into their marriage and didnt really have a lot of time to “date” and build a deep strong marriage before becoming parents. That was stressful. Since they have become empty nesters though it’s been amazing to watch how happy they are with each other. All of this to say, nothing wrong with getting married quick, but my personal suggestion is maybe wait on having kids and take the time on building that strong marital foundation.
Post # 9
megm1099 : Thats such a sweet story. I’m not sure why it’s not as common to be engaged quickly anymore but I guess it’s also a good thing!
NowMrsS : Thanks for sharing, that completely makes sense. I Know the first few of years will be difficult as we really are still getting to know each other, and we don’t plan to have children then.
slomotion : Yeah, it’s funny but ever since that post I’ve been really calm. I think it was helpful to get my feelings out there. I don’t think I’m really doing what everyone else does because like I said, I don’t know anyone in this position these days. A lot of what I read on this site is actually the opposite- people dating 7+ years so I was merely wanting stories, good or bad. I’m also fine with waiting if that’s what we decide to do.
futuremrs2020 : that’s helpful! Our wedding date would definitely be a year or more from engagement.
Post # 10
“I’m also fine with waiting if that’s what we decide to do.”
So I take it you’ve discussed all of your feelings with your SO about this? Including the negative ones? And he’s okay with proposing even though you have anxiety and fears about it?
I really love all the success stories on this thread; they’re super sweet and inspiring… but I have to agree with slomotion here. You were just super nervous about this a week ago.
Post # 11
We dated for 6 months and are getting married next Saturday! We had a year long engagement. We’re best friends and we are late 20’s so we’ve both had our fair share of experience and know what we want/didn’t want and it’s worked out good for us! FH parents dates for 8 months and they have been married 30 years now 🙂
Post # 12
My husband and I started discussing marriage around 3-4 months, got engaged at 6.5 months on his birthday, and then got married a few days shy of 13 months at ages 23/24. We’ve been married for almost 5 months now and we’re really happy. Things aren’t always perfect, I struggle with anxiety and depression and he has his own struggles, but none of it is due to any fundamental incompatibility between us. We always try to lift each other up and take care of each other, and I feel really blessed to be with him. I truly can’t imagine a man more incredible.
I also know a lot of other couples who got married pretty quickly and who it’s worked out for (my husband’s in the navy and I went to a Christian college where “ring by spring” definitely wasn’t a joke, quick marriages are pretty pervasive in both communities), but if you’re having doubts, I’d recommend that you wait until you feel more sure. Despite many successes, I’ve also seen the old adage “marry in haste, repent at leisure” be very true for other people I know.
However, if you choose to become engaged, I HIGHLY recommend premarital counseling – either online or in person. We did a free online program called Prelude and it was definitely worth the time. The books “5 Love Languages” and “For Him Only” and “For Her Only” we’re also really helpful to us.
Best of luck.
Post # 13
bouviebee : Yes, we’ve talked about it all. I’m not sure if it was apparent or not in the thread but I was more scared that something bad would happen and we wouldn’t necessarily make it to the engagement. Nothing in our relationship was signaling that. I have an anxiety disorder and when I posted that I was in a moment of freak out and not like basing anything in reality or using coping skills. That is relatively rare for me and I feel bad for posting about it to strangers on the internet. I have been in therapy working on all of this for about a year and my therapist is also in support of the relationship and timeline and is helping me with any anxious thoughts that arise about anything in life. But I completely agree with you and slomotion, and would definitely give the same advice you both gave just by reading the posts.
nodoubtaboutit : Thanks for sharing! We are definitely planning on doing pre-marital counseling. Also thanks for those book suggestions, I was looking for some and will check those out.
mrsbee2019 : Congratulations about the wedding next Saturday! You must be so excited!
Post # 14
Bee, the risk you run is that you’ll be getting married during the Honeymoon Phase of your relationship. This supposed to be the best time. It foams the runway for later as you shift into a more settled, Real Life kind of relationship. By cutting the Honeymoon short, you could experience an especially hard landing.
To really get to know someone requires seeing them in a wide variety of different situations to observe how they handle themselves. You won’t get to do that until after you’re married.
What is the rush?
Post # 15
My husband and I basically decided to get married after 3-4 months and he wanted to get engaged at 6 months. But even though I felt sure by then, I knew that i would feel more confident and resolute in my decision if we waited at least a year.
If we’d gotten engaged at 6 months we’d still be together now, so it’s true that you can ‘know’ that soon. There are definitely examples where it does work.
But I also think that there’s no harm in waiting another half a year before making a decision that potentially affects the next 50-60 years of your life. It made the commitment feel more substantial to me when I knew we were out of the honeymoon phase and making the decision based on established partnership rather than being swept up in emotion. even getting engaged after 14 months felt pretty quick!