Post # 16
There is definitely no harm in waiting to get engaged but I know how the feeling can be overwhelming when you know you’ve found the one. I think even if we waited 3 years it wouldn’t have changed anything. I’ve shared my story a few time already but it’s always so fun to tell.
I was casually dating a guy already when I met my now husband. He was dating 2 others and debated whether he could afford to date a 3rd LOL! He thanks his lucky stars he decided I was worth a 1st date. Within the 1st week of our date he broke up with the others and exclusively wanted to date. By week 3 he proposed. And very much unlike me, I said yes! We bought a home and planned the wedding and married in 2 years. So definitely a long engagement but very on track towards a life together.
We have just had our 7 year anniversary and have the sweetest 3yr old son He is our world.
So if you know and are ready to marrry, do it. Waiting won’t change a thing if it’s the right person. To each their own.
Post # 17
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
My now fiance proposed to me 1 month into our officially exclusive relationship and I said yes. So, as much as proposal is considered engagement in the Western world, the official engagement was about 5 months after the start of our relationship. In that time period, we were ready to even get married asap, but circumstances kept us back (and I’m glad we waited), so our wedding is just in two months. There will be 1.5 years between the wedding and the beginning of our relationship.
At the beginning love really makes you blind but as time went we faced financial problems, change in jobs, unemployment, and so on. After facing soo many obstacles together, we solved most of them together. But you really get to know each other during such problems. There has been times I personally questioned certain things, and marriage and my fiance did as well.
It was really really amazing to get engaged early in our relationship because both of us knew that if there is a problem between us we have to be as polite and level-headed as possible when we react. I’m known to overreact and upset the other person easily when I’m mad, and this would have been more had I thought he was disposible.
Delaying marriage as much as we could (I mean we don’t live together and really want to) helped us to question each others behaviour without the fear of you know, divorce. 😀
When people say get to know each other before marriage, I now partially agree. I’d say don’t rush so much, but don’t wait too long because it kills the sparkle.
Post # 18
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? If you’re 35+ (or maybe even 30+) and financially stable, you might have more experience to say, “yes, he is the one!” Especially if you’ve had long term serious relationships before. But if you’re younger, why the rush?
Post # 19
My husband and I dated for 6 months before getting engaged. He had just come out of a 5 year relationship where he was massively unfaithful and I was having a good time dating after I’d broken up with my college boyfriend/fiance. I figured I wasn’t going to settle down any time soon and was content to play the field. I was dating another man who was making noises about engagement, but I wasn’t into it. Then my husband and I met. He said he was hit by the thunderbolt – it’s a reference from The Godfather. I knew he was the one when I saw him interact with my little cousin. We married one year after getting engaged, and we just celebrated our 33rd anniversary. So I guess it worked out!
We have two couples who are friends who also got engaged very quickly. One of the wives told me they both knew they would marry on their first date. Both couples met in college. Like us, they’re still together. I had zero desire to live with someone before being engaged. I like my space and don’t share it willingly, and certainly not with someone who’s not defunitely committed to me.
Post # 20
By six months we were definitely heading toward engagement, but we waited to get engaged until after the one year mark. We actually set that as our minimum timeline because we agreed it was sensible to date at least that long, but we were very excited to marry each other and didn’t see the point in waiting years and years. As it was, we got engaged at just past the year mark, and married at 2 years. I know that seemed fast to some but it felt right for us. We were late 20s/early 30s when we got married so we had both dated a bit and felt very ready to commit.
All that to say, I get where you’re coming from and how exciting that stage is. I’d still suggest either waiting a bit to get engaged or having a longer engagement though. And most importantly, make sure you talk through all the big subjects before you commit — kids, religion, finances, where you want to live in the future, lifestyle needs, how you’d deal with a health crisis, navigating family relationships, how you’d deal with a rut (is couples therapy on the table?), etc. This list has some good starters: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/23/fashion/weddings/marriage-questions.html
Post # 21
We got engaged at 7 months but we’re talking about it pretty early on. 10 months of engagement. So far no regrets 🙂
Post # 22
We got engaged 7 months in, having moved in together a month earlier. We got married at the 2-year mark and have been married for 3 years. We have a 2-year old kiddo and another baby on the way, and we’ve been together just over 5 years in total. We are very happy and have zero regrets so far haha. We were in our mid 20s when we met and had each lived with 2 long-term significant others. When we got together, it just clicked. We haven’t been together long enough to shout from the rooftop that we’re a success story, but I feel very confident in our compatibility and partnership. Good luck!
Post # 23
Engaged 6 months in, but are waiting until 1.5 years to marry. We both were extremely clear on what we wanted (and didn’t want) going into the relationship and we’ve had conversations about all the important things. There have never been any doubts.
Post # 24
hm2012 : I absolutely love your story and how it’s turning out for you!
betyl : so much of what you said makes sense. I definitely think that when you make a commitment so early on it co platelet changes fighting. You’re not so hot tempered and considering breaking up at every little thing. You have to be mature about it. We have also had to deal with a lot even in these 4 months (big moves, new jobs, death, financial trouble, etc). There have been times when I thought that if I had to endure those big things with anyone else we wouldn’t have made it/it would change the relationship. With him, these big things were easy.
moissamight : I’m in my mid twenties and he’s in his late twenties. We are financially stable though and both have advanced degrees. We would definitely wait at least a year for the wedding and he’ll be 30 then. We just don’t see a point in waiting for engagement as we want to start planning our future.
browneyedgirl24 : the engagement will definitely be at least a year and we have talked about almost all of those things but thanks for linking the list because we haven’t talked about them all and I would like to. We will also be doing pre-marital counseling.
Post # 25
kaylarae02 : My father proposed to my mother within 6 months of meeting her. They were so young (18).
She said no.
To be fair….he was still living at home, had his Mum cook/clean/launder his clothes for him. Compeltely look after him. She said: show me you can actually take care of yourself and then I will marry you. He instantly moved out with his cousin. After about a year of living outside of the house she accepted the propsal and they have been married almost 40 years.
Just wanted to show the flip side to that coin. A rejected proposal after 6 months, haha.
Post # 26
My fiance and I got engaged at the 6 month mark, and had started looking for rings around the 4 month mark…but we have known each other for 15 years and had dated before, so we already felt that we knew an awful lot about each other. We are also in our 30s. I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone young and learning about themselves, or for people who have just met.
Post # 27
Two of my colleagues at my last job got engaged / married at 6 month. One of them married so soon to get her visa sorted but they also knew they were the one (still going strong 20 years later). The other, they got engaged but she wanted to get to know him more, so even though she said yes, she wanted to wait a year for the actually wedding. So they married at 18 months. Also happily married after 20 years.
Post # 28
I met my now husband and moved in with him about 19 days after that. During those 19 days we vacationed for 5-6 days in London together. We talked about marriage after about 4 month maybe? I can’t remember really. We got engaged on our one year anniversary, I moved with him across the ocean and married 6 month later. I am still in seventh heaven. I knew he was the one from the beginning. We met at 34/36 (now 37/38)
when you know you know.
Post # 29
While I am truly happy that everything worked out brilliantly for you and your hubby, your love story is the kind that always makes me think: yes, and some people hit the lottery, too.
Post # 30
Bee, all things taken together, now I am wondering if your wish for a quick engagement is really panic driven.
. . . but I was more scared that something bad would happen and we wouldn’t necessarily make it to the engagement.
This does not sound like a woman crazy in love, Bee.
You are very quick to own all of the responsibility for your struggles with anxiety. Are you truly certain that there is nothing about your SO or your relationship that is triggering some of your anxious feelings?