Post # 31
sassy411 : I’d like to hit the lottery. It would come in very handy right now.
But I don’t see the correlation. Based on prior experience I knew pretty much what I would accept in a partner and so did he. I never felt the urge to marry before I got to know him. Although I had been engaged previously, I did it to humor my ex, as he was the one pushing for it. I didn’t want to discuss any particulars, like setting a date, and I broke up with him. I really don’t think my story is terribly unique since I know people who married within a similar time frame.
Post # 32
The short verson of our engagement: first date on a monday, second date on Tuesday, on Wednesday, he went back to Iraq. Ten months later, he came home and a week later we were engaged. So a wee bit longer than six months.
More detailed version: During the deployment, I sent many many old fashioned snail mail letters & care packages to him. Most of our communication was done via middle of the night (for me) IM chats, and the occassional phone call, that would last about 10 minutes. It wasn’t uncommon to go several weeks without being able to talk. Needless to say, it was not normal, at all. When he got back, it was still another month before we saw eachother (He was stationed in HI and I was saving my time off for when he had leave). We knew there was something special there, and if we were able to get through a deployment, then we thought we could make anything work. Truthfully, the worst of it was when he was finally home, but we still were long distance. It was brutal. We got married 10 months later, and it was another 10 months before he was able to move where I was. And it was LDR to the extreme. Obviously we didn’t see eachother during his deployment, our engagement (10 months) we saw eachother twice. And in the first 10 months of marriage, we saw eachother twice. Do I recommend that? No. Did we make it work? Yes….wasn’t easy, but we celebrate our 11 year “together” anniversary this month and our 10 year wedding anniversary in December, so we must have done something right.
Post # 33
I got engaged/married to my exhusband around 8 months (military, otherwise we’d have waited longer). While I don’t regret it and definitely learned a lot about myself/love/marriage, 8 months wasn’t enough time (for me/us) to really see if we were compatable for the long haul.
Post # 34
sassy411 : I do want to say that I am not pushing for this in any way. When we initially started dating we both thought a good timeline in general was 1-2 years before engagement and then wedding 9 months- 1 year after that. If our timeline does end up looking more like that for some reason then that’s okay too. I would definitely not walk if he didn’t propose at 6 months. My anxiety isn’t rational and when im In that state im just convinced something bad will happen, and it appears in other areas of my life as well. But regardless, I did stop to think really hard about your question because I definitely want to be honest with myself. I can honestly say that there is nothing about him or our relationship that gives me a reason to be anxious. He’s obviously not perfect but I think we are both willing and we’ll-equipped to handle the others particular imperfections.
Post # 35
nodoubtaboutit : do you mean Prologue?
Post # 36
kaylarae02 : Why would you be discussing detailed timelines for engagement and marriage early on? Could be a normal conversation but that throws a red flag to me. Are you both really into the idea of being married? Sometimes people want to be married more than they really want to be with the person. They just like the idea of BEING married.
Post # 37
mel2 : It was in general not even talking about each other. It was probably a 30 second conversation total. I asked if he ever wanted to get married and he said yes and asked he what I thought a typical timeline was for when I’d like to be married. I completely know people that just like the idea of being married and not the actual marriage part, or even just the idea of a wedding. That’s not the case here, I know how hard marriage is. A year before we met he was just coming out of a 4 year relationship, had he wanted to he could have married her and the same for me if it was just about marriage.
I smiled at your first comment, you said something about how it could magically work out or it could go down in flames. Neither of those scenarios are what would happen. Our relationship working out wouldn’t be magic, it would take work. I do know it could end, but it also wouldn’t be quite so dramatic. Maybe our ideas on marriage and finding a life partner are a bit odd but I believe there are many people in life that I could possibly have a strong loving marriage with. But he is one of those people I’m choosing to do it with and vice versa. We sometimes say to each other “I chose you” because to us it is a choice. Loving someone and being there for them everyday is a choice not a feeling, and he’s the first and only person that I’ve wanted to choose. I suppose that’s not super romantic, but luckily it’s something we’re on the same page about.
Post # 38
kaylarae02 : Loving someone is choice, but why not take your time to make sure you’re really a good fit for each other (dating longer) and make that choice easier? You don’t have to wait 9 years to get married like I did, but generally the honeymoon stage is 1.5-2 years, why not get engaged in another year?
Post # 39
- Wedding: November 2020 - North Carolina
My fiance and I got engaged 3 months into the relationship. That was in early 2017 and we are still very much in love. We wanted to get married sooner but he had a big change in his career (for the better) and then I got pregnant and had our daughter. I absolutely refused to get married while pregnant. I wanna wear my dream dress you know We’ve finally chosen a date and have started planning this whole thing.
Post # 40
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
We were together for maybe 4 months or so before we started talking about marriage. Granted we did not get officially engaged until last June after 2 or so years together but we felt unofficially engaged. I always knew my fiance was the one from the start. I do not think anything is wrong with a fast relationship, unlike what people stereotypically think. You really could know that soon! I am happy to say we are getting married next month. Best of luck to you too. If you know the love is there and see the future with this person, go for it. Some people will argue it is too soon but it is your relationship – sometimes ya just know.
Post # 41
My current almost Fiance and I are together for 5 months on May 14th. We have talked about marriage since after the first month. We picked a ring around 3 months, and he moved in. We were going to get engaged in April however my father died unexpectedly. During these 5 months, we have faced financial issues (his), a death, a long 10 hour drive back to Oklahoma, during this drive my mother informed me of my fathers passing and we had to divert our destination, meeting my entire family at 1am (their first question was “tell us your political views”), jumping in and helping with absolutely everything he could. I can honestly say that I have never felt more supported, cared for and secure with any other man in my life. We have faced so many other issues and life changes and through it all, we have grown stronger together. We are planning on making the engagement official by mid-June, with marriage plans for winter of 2020. We have had arguments, disagreements and deep long talks about what we want, need, desire etc in life. In this time his father moved to Thailand, his mother’s health is declining and developmental issues with his daughter. To be honest, if we did not handle everything how we have, through communication, open discussion about feelings, reality check of potential issues etc I would not be considering being engaged to him.
I think we rushed things in some ways and in other ways we have just know that it was right. My mother I had this talk a few times about relationships should be based on life events and not always time. Although, time and life events do go hand in hand. I would say to know your risks, use your head and to wait for the actual marriage aspects.
Post # 42
bctoquebec : I do mean Prologue, thanks for catching that! 🙂