(Closed) 6 months in and he wants out…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

to me he sounds like an emotional abuser. i hope it works out for you 🙁 if he continues to act like this id let him go. u deserve someone who utterly 100% wants to be with u. it shouldnt be that hard. xxxxx

Post # 34
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i think you need to separate for a while. a true separation, where you don’t talk unless you need to arrange for the kids to be picked up from school. from your post, it sounds like you are the only one trying or doing the chasing. it sounds like you are the only one fighting for your marriage. if he doesn’t miss you or long for you when you are gone, than what is the point? that separation will tell each of you where you stand.

 

Post # 35
Member
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

if someone has checked out, you can’t make them check back in. it’s only going to be more frustrating and demeaning for you to keep trying. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. did you have any idea things were not great before getting married?

Post # 37
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
@soon2bnixon:  So sorry that this hit you so soon after getting married!  I think he’s made it clear that he doesn’t think the marriage will work out, for whatever reason.  Don’t let him come by the house anymore – it should be either all or nothing, and if he can’t commit to making it work, then he shouldn’t still get the benefits.  Focus on your kids and yourself right now.  Good luck!

Post # 38
Member
3087 posts
Sugar bee

Ummm…WHY are you waiting for him to make the choice? Why are you waiting on him to decide on what he wants and keep you in limbo? Back and Forth, not sure if he wants you, you constantly feeling insecure and everyday is a roller coaster ride?  While I am not advocating divorce, if it were me, he would only be able to have ALL or nothing.  Stop being available to him. Separate.  Get on with your life.  Try to learn to build a life without him and take it from there.  You are married, yet he only sees you as an option.  Stop putting up with him.  Stop allowing him to come everyday and hug and kiss and then leave.  You are not a toy.

Post # 39
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Men… they sure do piss you off don’t they.

Sweety – I suggest reading this book:

Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married: Gary D Chapman

Men can be stupid about how they feel and oddly they don’t know whats normal and whats abnormal. As in they don’t usually know how they feel. Its alien and they just react from stupid places communicating terribly. Many men also have a terrible issue called I can’t fess up to my faults. Once they blow something up by being silly they keep on going down the path of completely life altering mistake because hey they can’t fess up to fault.

Your husband sounds just as confused as you are. Hence coming over and hugging you but he won’t go to the counseling because he is getting attacked and having to look at his own faults. Thats the behavior of a very confused man who doesn’t want to or know how to deal with what is happening. If that is truely the man he is – can you really stay married to him if he doesn’t change?

I’m not saying what this man is doing is ok, its not. I’m just trying to give you a little peace with it. Whatever happened don’t blame yourself for it. Know that you were trying to do everything you could. Be confident in that and be confident that any man worth anything will certainly work to be a better man for you. What you did and how you handled this situation speaks to your worth as a woman.

From your last post you wanted to get away from him and create space and keep going to counseling. That is a great choice. Take care of yourself. My heart sincerely goes out to you.

Post # 40
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

You have a few arguments and he wants out because he doesn’t want to get over some things that were said? He doesn’t seem to be taking his marriage vows very seriously, otherwise he has some problems with himself or the relationship that e cannot articulate and is unintentionally using those arguments as an excuse. Congratulations for asserting yourself and doing what is best for yourself and your children. Maybe he will come around and tell you what is really on his mind, and maybe he won’t. He could be just really freaking out now that the reality of marriage is setting in, kind of a post wedding cold feet. But he needs to be able to talk to you about that because you’re in a partnership.

Post # 41
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

How are you doing? 🙂

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