(Closed) 6 years and disappointed

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you think it will happen this year?

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  • Post # 2
    Member
    5018 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    You didn’t share enough details that would lead me to believe that he is planning a proposal in the near future.  After 6 years together and 3 cohabitating I think its time you discuss a timeline with your SO.  It will take some of the anxiety and guess work out so hopefully you can relax.  I would make sure he hasn’t become complacent after giving you a promise ring.

    Post # 4
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Have you talked to him about how you feel? It’s not pressuring him to talk about timelines, especially after 6 years together. I think it’s way past time for a talk about where he sees this relationship going, and when you will take the next step. He’s not the only one who gets a say in when the two of you get married. Obviously your SO has to be on board, but you also get to assert yourself and let him know  what you want out of the relationship and your life with him.

    From the little details you put, I would not guess he is planning to propose soon. It sounds like he’s just going with the flow, not looking to go to the next step. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you, but sometimes guys won’t take that next step without a little encouragement.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I don’t know. You are still very young. When you start pushing 30, that is when you really start worring. I personally, would have a very serous talk about what you want for your future with him. I feel that after a certain amount of time, you either know that this is “the one” or not. I was engaged after a year of dating, followed by a year long engagement. I felt that was a good amount of time for our relationship. We were also 28 and 29. Have a good heart to heart talk, but be ready to listen. Good luck! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee

    I wouldn’t wait to “push 30” to worry. If things don’t end up working out, you will spend time grieving and finding someone else, and spending year(s) with them before ever getting married. I think 6 years together, 3 years living together, 25 and 28, it’s perfectly reasonable to be disappointed that you aren’t engaged yet and want a timeline of when you will be. However, considering the financial and emotional hits with the new job and the stroke, I would wait a bit to say something because you don’t want to pile on. Maybe discuss it seriously if it doesn’t happen on your trip in October? If you don’t want to wait that long (which would be understandable) talk to him when things seem to calm with the financial and emotional issues. Good luck

    Post # 8
    Member
    387 posts
    Helper bee

    It isn’t considered pushing if you have a sit down conversation about expectations. 

    I never understand why grown adults can’t sit down with the person they care about most and say what they’re feeling. I get it can be uncomfortable, but marriage is a lot of uncomfortable discussions. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    10553 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    You need to have an open talk about timelines and expectations and come to an agreement.

    Post # 10
    Member
    281 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    futuresmith4:  After 6 years together and 3 cohabitating, it’s more than reasonable that you initiate a discussion on timelines.  If I were in your shoes, I’d probably be feeling the same. It shouldn’t be seen as “pressuring” him. You’ve been together for 6 years, so you deserve to know if and when he sees himself marrying you specifically. There are recent challenges that you both have faced, but that shouldn’t stop you two from having the adult discussion.

    Post # 11
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

    You are not ‘too young’ to ask him genuinely when he plans to propose. Do not shy away from asking for a timeline. After 6 years he should definitely be able to give you more of a firm date to when to expect to get engaged. Don’t beat around the bush, ask him directly. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee

    I agree with the others that have replied, have a talk with your guy. It might be uncomfortable but it’s important he knows your feelings about the subject. Personally, my guy got lost in hypothetical details (he wanted to buy an outrageous ring, be able to afford a big wedding, a honeymoon, etc etc etc) and 11 years went by with nothing. I was angry and resentful. It wasn’t until a very serious (and teary) talk that we were able to understand each others expectations and put together a plan. I thought he was dragging his feet, he was saving for an extravagant affair. I know what it’s like to have massive wedding fever, but trust me it’s only self torture unless you are communicating clearly with your partner. Good luck bee!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    4423 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I have to be honest, I started getting engagement fever at the 5 year mark as well.. I hinted a lot and was also direct in what I wanted BUT I refused to push him. I knew he would eventually do it but I also know he is the type that cannot feel like he was being pressured, I had to make him know that it was HIS idea… He’s kinda alpha male that way…

    However I will say that we bought a house together in 2013 when we had been together 5 years.. But before we decided to buy the house we had “the convo” We knew we wanted to take the next step and I ultimately chose the house instead of engagement (financially and practically it made more sense at the time and we couldn’t do both) but still even after we moved in together I tried to let it go but I was just really getting the fever…

    I would still hint a bit but I just decided to let it go after our discussion that I wanted it to happen within a reasonable time frame after we bought the house… Well I dropped it, had zero expectations, tried to focus on other things and he proposed about a year and a half after we bought the house.. (After being together 6 years and 8 months-but who’s counting?)

    I’m not sure if explaining my situation helps but I wanted u to know you are NOT alone in feeling the pressure after 5 years and also I think it would help to KNOW the timeline and where you stand. Good luck Bee… Def a good idea to have low expectations of your trip but hopefully he will… It doesn’t hurt to have a calm and chill,discussion though to speed things along hopefully

    Post # 14
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    You’re still very young, so I don’t think 6 years is a long time at all!  My fiance and I got engaged after 14 mths together and 6 months living together, but we were 30 and 31 (getting married at 31 and 32).  You have plenty of time, I wouldn’t rush it.  Maybe just start talking about when you’d like to get married and see if you’re on the same page. Don’t push him though.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    4423 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    View original reply
    futuresmith4:  oh also! I would probably bring up the timeline so just in case he was planning on doing it at the San Diego trip and he wants you to be surprised he will at least still get to “surprise” you 5 months from now.. And also if he wants  to be “his” idea like how mine was then bringing it up really soon won’t affect his plans… You know?

    The topic ‘6 years and disappointed’ is closed to new replies.

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