Post # 1
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
Hello Bees.
I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. You were all very helpful. I decided it was time to stop assuming and have the serious “talk” with kody.
I have learn alot through our discussion and we need to be more open with each other as well as not keep my feelings to myself. I know now there is nothing I could say to make him think anything different about me.
From my prior post I talked about how we went ring shopping 2 years ago but have had no talk or it seemed an interest in taking that next step in our relationship. He admitted he was serious then and still serious now. He blames himself for it taking so long. It has taking us longer to get the where we are and he feels respondsable for putting our plans on hold. He admits he doesn’t talk about it because he feel ashamed. I never thought about it from his point of view. I was more concerned that he just changed his mind.
Forward to the timeline. We discussed how we want to pay off debt so we can buy a house in a few years. He said he wants to marry me before then. I know that we will have at least a year engagement since we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. Kody doesn’t want to give me a time on when he proposes because he wants it to be a suprise and I don’t blame him. He says it won’t be a year from now but “soon”. What does that mean?
My head is full of more questions.
What do you ladies think?
From a more confused bee.
Post # 2
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
It means he just bought himself some more time, and it doesn’t sound like a proposal is coming.
If you are serious about being married, and you are in debt and can’t buy a house, go to City Hall or your church and get married. You can do this pretty much whenever (unless your religion requires lots of classes, or something like that).
Then, pay off your debts and work on getting a house. It doesn’t sound like you will have the money to throw a big wedding anytime soon, but you can always throw an anniversary party or marriage celebration at a later date.
Post # 3
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
From what you wrote it sounds like nothing changed and he just bought himself 364 more days. I’m sorry Bee, and I’m also a waiting bee so I know how it feels but what does him being “embarrassed” about have anything to do it. After 6 years you deserve better.
Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee
It wont be a year from now, but soon? As in more than a year could possibly be considered soon after 6 years together and 3 cohabitating? Thats just ridiculous.
I’m sorry bee 🙁 This puts you in such a rough spot. Can you wait at the very least another 2+ years to married to this man? You don’t have to just sit back and do everything at his pace, its your life too and if waiting that long doesnt work for you he needs to know that. Stay strong and good luck *hugs*
Post # 5
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
Oh boy, the good old “I want it to be a surprise” excuse. After six years together – and going ring shopping two years ago – the element of surprise is long gone. Frankly, that excuse has been used and abused so much by men dragging their heels that it’s becoming a cliche. I don’t have specific advice because I wouldn’t have the patience for this. I’m very sorry – you deserve more than this.
Post # 6
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
sassydingo: thank you for your imput. He says he saying not like in a year but soon. I assume that means less than a year. Least I hope before then. If our 7 year happens in March of 2017 and nothing…. I can’t wait anymore. 6 years is already to long. 7 is ridiculous.
Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
annd2015: thank you. I am afraid of that….. I don’t know what to do at this point.
Post # 8
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
He is buying time. This isn’t getting you anywhere closer to the answers you were looking for. My husband proposed when he was earning less than $1000 per month and in school. He bought me a simple solitaire. We paid for about half of our (LARGE) wedding. We had an engagement of 8 months. And you know what? We made it work. When a guy wants to marry you he will marry you. It really is that simple. That “surprise” part is bullshit and I think you know that. The surprise aspect is long gone. He needs to get over that.
A man who truly wants to spend his life with you wouldn’t drag you along like this.
Post # 9
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
You havn’t had “the talk” since the two year mark when he took you ring shopping? Time easily passes without people reflecting about it. Now that you let him knows how you feel about it, I am sure he will speed things up! 🙂 let him have his moment to surprise you! You will appreciate it too when it comes! And I am sure it wont take long! Also, a year is nothing compared to the lifetime you will spend together! just enjoy yourself now that you know it’s coming! No stress! 🙂
Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee
futuresmith4: Oh ok, if he meant less than a year that would be more understandable. It would still make sense for him to give you a more precise timeline, but regardless I think it depends on how much you trust him to put his words into action during the time frame he says.
Post # 11
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
futuresmith4: no, no, he just put you off again. Tell him you want to go to the courthouse Thursday and get married. He won’t do it, he’ll use you as an excuse “you deserve more”, he wants to do it “right”. Insist to him that you don’t care. He still won’t do it. I would then pack.
Post # 12
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
I thought setting a timeline was setting an actual time you’d walk if he doesn’t propose by then? Less than a year can mean anything, he has up until 363 days honestly. Also, he hasn’t even said he would propose by then it just sounds like an excuse. If he is so embarrassed wouldn’t he already proposed? I don’t understand what that even has to do with proposing?
Post # 13
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
Please don’t get to the point that I did, 6 years in. I had every excuse under the planet – “surprise” “no money” “new job” and then eventually, FINALLY he just admitted “I don’t think you’re the one”
My relationship ended in March and to be honest, I’ve never felt happier. I hav actually met someone new who is making no bones about how he feels about me..I’m really not in any doubt.
The wondering and confusion in this type of waiting scenario is palpable. I mean, now I can really see the light now I’m out of such a confusing relationship – what was I thinking?
Carefully think about what YOU want as at the end of the day, if he wants to marry you he’ll move heaven and earth to do it – my sister just got engaged after 2 years and neither of them have any money – a bit of a costume ring that they’ll upgrade later and a courthouse wedding – but they just want to get married! Money should never be used as a reason.
Sorry if my insight is a little blunt but I really hope it gives you some food for thought.
C x
Post # 14
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
Sorry girl but this guy is just stalling and is giving you more excuses. You deserve a definite timeline.
After 6 years together you know what be a SURPRISE?
Actually proposing.
Post # 15
Member
1717 posts
Bumble bee
Sancerre: “After 6 years together you know what be a SURPRISE?
Actually proposing.”
+1000!!!