(Closed) 6 years and nothing.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Of the 3 gf I’ve attended in the last 3yrs, only one bride had been w/ her then Fiance for 5yrs.  I am getting married a yr after meeting my Fiance.  One gf had ended a 5yr relationship and met her husband a yr later and then married him a yr to the date.  Now, we’re all in our 40s.  If my SO wasn’t interested in marriage in the 1st year, we separated.  Now some ppl thought I was crazy but I was always upfront w/ my intentions after I turned 35. 

Don’t worry about how long.  Keep living life and it will happen.

Good Luck:)

Post # 4
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you need to find out if you are on the same page. If you have been together six years and have not talked about plans for the future including marriage and children that is a concern to me.

Sit him down and have a talk. You may find he has been waiting on you to bring it up. 

Post # 5
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends on age and life phase.  I dated a guy for 6 years in my twenties and wouldn’t have fathomed getting married.  My Fiance is 33 and Im 40 and we got engaged 9 months after meeting and are getting married a year and a half or so total after meeting, but it was just right for us now.

Can you talk frankly with your man?

Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Good things come to those who wait.

We got engaged shortly after our 7 year anniversary and will be married 2 weeks before our 8 year anniversary.

i think you should definitely talk to him though to make sure you’re both on the same page in your relationship. We knew we would be together but we each had certain things we wanted to accomplish before we got married.

Best wishes!

Post # 7
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Definitely talk to him about this.  If you’re making fun of others marriages/relationships (and I’m not judging you for this – I do it too!) he may think that you think marriage is not for you.  I’ve talked about marriage with my SO since we met, not specifically in regards to us, but marriage nonetheless.  We’ve been together over 6 years and are still not engaged, and in the past 3 years we’ve had many serious discussions about marriage that were painful for me, but now we are at a point where a proposal is imminent.  So… talk!  The only way to reach any sort of agreement or conclusion is through adult conversation where each of you lay it all out on the line with no holding back for fear of being hurt.

And stop making fun of others’ relationships to your SO and leave it for your other friends or here.  He could take it personally whereas your friends and us won’t.

Post # 8
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You say the only time you’ve talked about engagement or weddings you were making fun of your friend’s engagement/wedding.  I think you need to talk to him about your situation and tell him that you would like to get married and ask him what he wants to do.  Don’t be pushy but have a conversation with him.

Post # 10
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sirene: I feel your pain. I have been with my Fiance for almost 10 years. We are engaged, but still not planning the wedding. I am also 28 and my Fiance is 34.

Everyone keeps saying, “Wow, Kate waited 8 years for him. That is too long.” Insert my grimace. I’m like, tell me about it. I have been waiting almost 10!

I honestly don’t know why it takes some men so long. It seems to me the longer it takes… well, the longer it takes! Haha.. It feels like forever. My friends who are all married with children haven’t even been together for 8 years after the wedding and children!

I would have a good talk with your SO about his timeline. Getting into your late 20’s and watching everyone else go through the process starts to build up resentment. I have to admit, I am extremely annoyed with my Fiance at times. I am really starting to wonder what the _ _ _ _!

Sorry I didn’t have any decent advice. But it usually helps me to know that there are other women out there, waiting for their SO to take the next step.

Post # 12
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

I would think at 38 if he was going to ever want marriage and kids it would be now or pretty soon so you need to find out if a. he thinks you aren’t ready or b. he just doesnt ever want to be married. the only way to find out will be to have a talk. I was afraid to talk to my guy about it and one day something set me off and I was in a mood and asked why he hadnt ever brought it up and he said he was waiting for me to say something because he wasnt sure if I was at the point where I seriously wanted to talk about it so you never know, just remember your not alone in waiting*hugs*

Post # 14
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sirene: Thanks! Hugs to you too! Hang in there!

Post # 15
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sirene:  I’ve been with my SO for 10 years – so I know how you feel! But we’ve also talked about marriage and our future together – so I know it’s going to happen. Have you talked to him about marriage and how you feel?

Post # 16
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You really need to talk with him to make sure you guys are on the same page about marriage. Have you talked about wanting to have kids or not? Just curious, because if you haven’t, you should.

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