6 years no proposed is it time to say goodbye?

posted 1 week ago in Engagement
Post # 16
2294 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, but does every older man have some sort of playbook or instructional manual? Because OP, your story is not new nor is it different. It is the same story that I read almost every day. 

Older man decides to get with a barely legal girl – check

Older man tells her that she’s ‘so mature for her age’ – Ew Ew Ew Gross check

Older man makes promises about committment – check

Younger woman has a kid – check

Surprise surprise surprise. You aren’t going to school so you don’t have a way to successfully provide for yourself or your child. That gives him control over you. You having the child at all gives him control. Now you are badgering him about a house because you think it will show committment? DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH HIM. All that will do is further entangle you, and he will not marry you because you have a house together. 

My advice for you. Do a quick google search and read the millions of similar stories and see how they all turned out. Spoiler – the man was using her and she either wised up or he left her for someone younger. 

I hope you wise up. Leave him, find a way to get back to school or find a decent job. It’s not too late for you to have a good life. 

Post # 17
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would leave him. That man is never going to share the life you want together. Ever. 

I was you. I was the early 20s girl that started a relationship with a man in his 40s. The only difference being that he was completely up front about never marrying me and never having children. Of course, being the “mature” person I thought I was, I figured he’d change his mind after a few years. That never happened. After years, I finally accepted the fact it was never going to happen, and I broke it off. It was an incredibly painful experience because other than the marriage thing, our relationship was loving and beautiful. I realized it was wrong of me to demand marriage from someone who didn’t want it, and it would be cruel to stay when I knew eventually I would resent him. Never compromise your dealbreakers or put yourself in a position where your real desires are silenced by someone else. 

Post # 18
145 posts
Blushing bee

These two sentences don’t go together:

We have a huge age difference he is 40 I am 26 but I am very mature. Idk I put my university , career and life on hold to give him a child and I helped him build his business.”



you aren’t that mature if you’ve given up your education and career to get with a man who was 34 and into dating a child. Move on. Move out. 

Post # 19
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@Lilybee 8474:  

Dear OP, l can only, sadly, agree with pps who outline all the reasons why this is all going to go wrong , and why , despite thinking you were/are mature for your years  ( we all do at 20 ) this relationship is proundly unequal. In some ways you are the future  of the very young bee in another thread agonising over her apparent failure to give her husband nice home cooked meals. 

 Nothing wrong with cooking, nothing wrong with having a baby young , in or out of marriage , the problem is believing your choices were      going to lead to certain desired outcomes and your failure to see that they never were because you had seceded all your power and agency to him. I have nothing good to say about him, he is, as a pp suggested, pretty much textbook older man with very young girlfriend.

I hope you can leave him and , best of all , get back into University and take back the reins into your own hands. It will be hard of course, but l hope for the very best for you. 

Post # 20
546 posts
Busy bee

Ask yourself this, since you’ve been together how much of the “parenting” have you done for your “stepson” compared to your partner? When he told you that you were mature for your age, did it have anything to do with the fact that he was unloading a lot of the work of his child onto you?

Post # 21
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
@Lilybee 8474:  LEAVE AND MEET SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE, there is a reason he is a bachelor at 40. 

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