6 years relationship, latin relationship and feeling desesperate.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
4063 posts
Honey bee

1. You’re 26. That’s far from “old.”

2. 1 year ago when you talked to him, he said 2 years. Then you brought it up (during an argument, at that), and were shocked that he isn’t ready yet when he already asked you for 2 years. It’s been 1 year. By staying with him after that convo you had a year ago, in my opinion, you were agreeing with the 2 year timeline. So why are you putting the pressure on when you haven’t hit that timeline yet?

Post # 4
4063 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
stressedgirl :  your OP doesn’t mention that. When did he say that the timeline was starting over?

Post # 6
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I mean, he told you in his exact words, “I AM NOT READY TO MARRY”.  It sounds like he means that so you ought to believe it.  You can either wait around until he is ready or you can leave and look for someone who’s ready now.

Post # 7
4063 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
stressedgirl :  the fact that he went back on his original timeline and is asking for an ADDITIONAL 2 years would be a dealbreaker for me. 

Post # 8
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i think he said plain and simple he is not ready for marriage. i think after 6 years he would know if he wants to marry you or not.  you are very young so it time to wait for him to come around and waste the best years of your life. or leave him becuse he is wasting your time. there are a lot of reasons why a man will not simply marry. 

marriage is all about communication, if you are unable to have an adult conversation about both your futures togther, you are definetly not ready for marriage, as he has already stated.

sit him down calmy and tell him you no longer want to waste ur time, if you want to have kids young you will need a partner who will give you what u want and more. there are plenty of men who feel marriage is important as you do. he is prob comfortable with you situation. as you implied  he is nearing his 30s. what are his plans?

are you on board?

or are u going to leave him?

we can give you all the advice in the world but it is up to you to do something about it. there are plenty threads on here  with women who are 10+ years and waitin… that may be you

Post # 9
5910 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would leave. You’ve given this man 6 years and he’s still not ”ready”. You can meet a wonderful marriage-minded man within the year and be married within 2 years, no excuses, no bs, and have your children by 30. You’re just wasting time at this point.

Post # 10
351 posts
Helper bee

I am over my 30s. My fiance was only ready to marry me after 7 years. I never pressured him, never asked him. I was happy with us feeling very sure. Most of my friends are married before me but I was never bothered it.  Last month I got  best proposal. I also got to enjoy my life more than others. I travelled alot and did so many other fun stuff with my fiance until we both were ready. Every one is different though. I am not one of those girls who is defined by marriage but if you are some one who has to get married by a time line then you have to decide between waiting or breaking off the relationship. From what I read, you seem to be pressuring him in my opinion. I can never imagine myself arguing about this topic. But I am a different person and my advice may not be applied to every one. Good luck with your decision.

Post # 11
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I think instead of “in 2 years”, it might be more useful to ask him “at what age” is he considering marriage. He could still be not ready then, but it’s better than “2 years” indefinitely.

Post # 12
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

He’s telling you he’s not ready. So you either stay an wait (unhappily), or you leave and find someone who WILL marry you, and won’t take over 6 years of your life to do it either. I recommend the second option.

Post # 13
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason he’s not ready to get married is that he isn’t ready to be an independent adult. He’s living at home, he’s got his parents taking care of him, his brothers there, his life is easy and comfortable. He isn’t ready yet to move out on his own, live as an independent adult with you, look after himself. That wouldn’t be acceptable to me. If I had a boyfriend who, after 6 years together, at the age of 28, he’d rather stay with his parents then move out and start a family of his own with me and be an independent adult, I would be done.

Post # 14
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

He’s told you with both words and actions that he does not want to marry you. After 6 years together.

Only you can decide if you want to wait around and *hope* he changes his mind, or if you’d rather try your luck with dating again.

You met this guy young. You likely “fell” into this relationship without considering a lot of factors. Dating as an older adult is very different. You can easily filter the guys you date for the ones who feel ready for marriage. 

You are already looking at at LEAST 2 more years before this guy will even consider getting engaged. 

In that same amount of time, you could break up with him, find another boyfriend, get engaged, and get married. 

DH’s ex before me, she broke up with him, was engaged to another guy a year later, and married 6 months after that. 

Post # 15
10 posts

Timelines are only useful if a partner is “stalling” for reasons that can be measured or reasons that are tangible such as finances or life circumstances. A partner who asks for another six months while he hunts for a better paying job is a lot different from someone who just throws out random timelines. If he isn’t there mentally, a timeline is irrelevant. No one can you tell you when they will be emotionally ready for marriage. Not with any precision, anyway. 

Do you know, with 110% certainty, that you are his forever? Has your relationship been tested? Do you ever doubt his loyalty? Even just for a second? 

How does he generally feel about marriage? Does he view marriage in a positive way? Does he seem to look forward to getting married someday? Does he ever speak negatively about his friends getting married?

I ask these questions because those were the things I looked for in deciding whether or not to keep waiting in my own relationship. I knew I was his forever, and I knew marriage was something he really wanted one day. If either of those elements are missing in your relationship, it’s best to cut and run.


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