(Closed) 6yr anniversary- fending off disappointment

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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JenGirl:  I think the surprise might be important to him by the sounds of it. 

OP – if the misplaced ring is actually not misplaced, but taken by your SO to gauge your ring size, then you KNIW that it is happening. It only went missing a month ago and it can take up to 2 months to get a ring made depending on how picky he is about the diamond/stone used etc. So just relax! It. Is. Going. To. Happen. But not tonight. You know what tonight is? Your last anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend! You’ll be married for most of your life and will look back tot this time of dating and it feel so fleeting. Enjoy one of the last special occasions together at this time. A time when there are infinite possibilities about the future, about the proposal. It’s also a chance to find a new awesome restaurant for special occasions. 

This may sound kind of stupid but I am this kind of weird person – you could spend the whole night pretending that you are actually 60+, have been married for years and for one night you can go back and relive this night as a young, dating, totally in love girlfriend. Maybe that sounds stupid to you but it might allow you to see things with new eyes. 

Post # 17
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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Everdeen:  wow that’s so e of the best advice I’ve seen for a waiting Bee!

Post # 18
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t get angry or bitter, but don’t keep ignoring your feelings and acting like you’re happy. If getting married is important for you, the only way to get what you want is to speak up. You can bring it up tonight if he doesn’t, without drama or fighting. This is your life too! It’s not a crime to talk about your plans, dreams and goals for the future. If he won’t give you a timeline, then you do it. “I would like to be married by _____”. Again it’s how you say things – be honest and kind.

If for some reason the conversation doesn’t go well or you sense that he’s not being truthful, make a deal with yourself that there will not be a 7th anniversary dinner with you feeling this way.

Post # 19
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

I am in a similar situation. We are approaching our 5th anniversary and I am trying not to get my hopes up too far. I did that on our 3rd anniversary when I accidently found the Helzberg box that ended up having my butterfly necklace in it (I was good and never looked in the box :P).

We started seriously mentioning marriage right before our 3rd anniversary but didn’t have a “when do you want to get married” talk until last october. I was honest and told him that I wanted it sooner rather than later. For us it isn’t a matter of “IF he will propose” or “IF I will say yes”. I know he will do it and he knows I will say yes. It’s now just a matter of when. We actually tried on rings (both of us at different times) earlier this year, he has a budget set in mind, and already knows where he is getting the ring.

It is hard waiting and especially when there are so many variables. If he is trying so hard to make a special dinner for your anniversary (YAY 6 years!), appreciate that and the fact you have a man who loves you. But I agree with the above post from Cyanfire. Have an honest conversation and try not to give off the “do this or I’m out” vibe unless that is really how you feel.

Good luck.

Post # 20
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

Eh, it sounds like he’s planning something. He may not want to do it for your anniversary because he wants to surprise you. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together just over 3 years, and I know a proposal is coming sometime this year. My birthday is next month, and he’s told me flat out he won’t be proposing then because he wants it to be a surprise. Knowing my boyfriend, he’ll probably come home from work and randomly do it on a regular Tuesday evening. Your boyfriend could be planning something similar.

I do understand how hard it can be to wait though. I think we all understand that. Sometimes I have to remind myself that we’re essentially already married. We’ve already agreed to spend our lives together, we already live together, and our finances are pretty much shared. For us, a ring will only change our status legally. Sometimes too it helps to realize that your life together does not start with a ring, but with a first date. A ring, of course, would be welcomed at any time, but it’s not necessary to have a life together.

I guess you need to sit down and figure out WHY the ring is so important and if you’ll be happy with him if he never proposes. I’d also sit down with him at some point soon and talk about a potential timeline. You don’t need to necessarily know when he’ll propose, but it may be good to see where he sees y’all in the next few years. Does he want to buy a house? Start a family? If so, how does marriage fit into that? As other people have said, an honest conversation (with no pressure!) may help you both get on the same page. For now, just enjoy your anniversary dinner. He’s clearly trying to make it special for you, and who knows what he may have planned for you. 

Post # 22
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

Yay! So glad to hear you had a great anniversary and that your boyfriend has a plan for you! 

Post # 23
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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witchbaby:  So glad you had a great anniversary and that he has talked a little more about it. Do NOT get your hopes up for the vacation though, please. It may (and that would be romantic) or may not happen there. I too, got my hopes up when we went to Cabo San Lucas on vacation, we had been already looking for rings and while there, he said this would be a great place to get engaged, kept asking to go on romantic walks on the beach at sunset, kept looking around suspiciously..I swore it was going to happen there. NOTHING. 2 more months went by until he did..at home. 

I agree that I do think it’s in the works, but only YOU can decide how long you are going to wait. Keeping fingers crossed for you!!!!!  🙂

Post # 24
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

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Floofy:  +100

 

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witchbaby:  I have to agree with Floofy on this one. Granted- my Fiance and I got engaged after only a year and a half of dating, but I told him (after we had already started talking about the future): “You know I’m fine with being just your girlfriend for the next 5 years or for the rest of our lives. However, if we are getting to the point where we decide to get married, I want to be involved *almost* just as much as you (*almost* meaning the actual proposal being a surprise). We are both adults and old enough to make sound decisions- marriage is a huge thing, and this is my life too and I need just as much of a hand in this as you do”. He absolutely agreed, other than wanting the proposal to be a complete surprise :).

I say if he doesn’t propose this year, what’s stopping you from asking him? This is your life and your happiness. Do what makes you happy.

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