(Closed) 7 1/2 years and counting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

How do you expect to explain where your relationship is if you don’t even know where your relationship is? I think you actually need to sit down and talk to him about exactly what he wants, where he sees things, etc. It sounds like all you have are a lot of indirect assumptions about what he wants, and you’re blindly following that instead of being proactive and talking with him/asserting your needs as well.

What is the point of being in a relationship if you can’t even talk about the relationship?!

Post # 4
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Perhaps just tell them that you’re happy in your relationship, and doing things on your own schedule, and it is not up for discussion. If they try to bring it up, change the subject or leave. Ask why it matters to them how you are living your life. Above all, act confident and cheerful and the is less chance they will continue bothering you about it.

Post # 5
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

They won’t stop asking and/or pressuring EVER.  You could always say what you’ve said here but I don’t think you’re okay with your decision.  I think you’re settling to make him happy.  Guess what?  The only person that can truly make him happy is him and the only person who can make you happy is you. 

That’s advice from this old gal.  Good luck to you whatever happens.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
2415 posts
Buzzing bee

@OctBride-2012:  

They won’t stop asking and/or pressuring EVER.

 

This.

Also, the longer you continue with this arrangement, expect the questions to escalate. Whether it’s right or wrong, you have to know from a purely factual standpoint that people are going to view your relationship as unconventional and out of the ordinary due to your being together for 7+ years with no talk of engagement even on the distant horizon. They will have questions and that is life.

Rather than trying to figure out how to make people stop asking the questions (losing battle), focus instead on asking yourself why it bothers you so much that they are asking the questions. You mentioned that the pressure is wearing you down and “causing issues” in your relationship. I think if you were truly, 100% unaffected by this arrangement that you and your boyfriend have, other people’s comments wouldn’t get to you to the point that it “causes issues with” your relationship.”

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have had an unconventional relationship for 20+ years, staying together as  committed life partners. Goldie Hawn has been questioned about this in numerous interviews over the years. Never once have I heard her say that all of these questions are affecting her relationship. She seems truly OK and happy with their arrangement… it wouldn’t work for me or for most women, but more power to her because she is happy with her choice. No offense, but I just am not getting the same vibe from you based on your comments.

 

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