(Closed) 7-8 Year Old With Insecurity Issues Already??

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, I have kids that around that age and I can’t imagine.

Personally, I would try getting her involved in activities outside herself that can challenge her and/or also get her involved in doing something that can help others. For instance:

Girl Scouts

Some type of organized Sports

Assisting in helping to feed the needy, etc.

If that doesn’t work, I would then look into counseling.

Post # 3
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Check that she isn’t being bullied at school. If the other kids are putting her down, it’ll likely affect her self esteem. 

I was bullied really badly when I was little and no amount of compliments from my parents would help. It’s a tough world these days ๐Ÿ™ my niece is being bullied right now for no good reason (she’s 6) and my SIL is trying to nip it in the bud.

I don’t know how to help with the dependency thing… I was really shy growing up (due to the bullying) and hated going anywhere without my mum. I grew out of it eventually though ๐Ÿ™‚ 

What helped me was finding a better friend network. I was bullied at school, but once I changed school at 16 and made some new friends, everything improved. 

In short, make sure her friends are real friends and not being cruel

xx

Post # 4
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island

Therapy would be a really good option to find out where these insecurities are coming from. 

To be candid, I vividly remember the progession of my own body negativity in 2nd grade and its stuck with me since.  Be proactive and have a professional help you.

Post # 6
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

JMer711:  I would talk to the teachers. Maybe they could do an assembly on the importance of words? Kids don’t always realise that they’re being hurtful, they are by definition brutally honest! The teachers could then speak to the parents.

I was always told to “just ignore them” but that doesn’t work in every situation. Some kids will do anything to get a rise out of someone. Instead, she needs to learn to rise above it. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job right now and I’m sure she’ll get past this ๐Ÿ™‚ I would suggest having her watch the new Cinderella film though as a learning exercise. Ella was always so kind and gracious and, in the end, she was better off. I think they’ve done it really well and they show that the bullies end up with nothing. Plus, who doesn’t love a princess film? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

JMer711:  “Don’t let it bother you” is kind of a trap that makes it a character flaw to feel hurt when you’re treated badly by other people. An 8 year old is not a master of emotional control and shouldn’t be expected to be one. Instead of brushing it off, talk to her about it. “How does that make you feel?” “Why do you think she would say that?” would be a more effective way to show her that the mean kid is acting out of insecurity, not speaking some grand truth. 

Re: putting herself down and fishing for compliments. Don’t teach her that that’s an easy way to get approval. If she says something bad about herself, say “That’s a really mean thing to say about yourself” or “Hey, that’s my favorite person you’re talking about!” If she gets a negative reaction or gets shut down she probably won’t keep doing it. Another method is telling her she has to say three, or five, or ten nice things about herself each time she puts herself down. 

Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

This might sound odd but what kind of TV / movies does she watch? I used to babysit a kid whose parents let her watch shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians all the time and it turned her into a bratty little diva who was really insecure, she was 8….her favorite singer was Nicki Manaj….. Pop culture these days plays a massive role in kids’ lives and it’s not always for the better. 

Post # 10
Member
5028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

JMer711:  I would definitely look into thearpy.  I too was insecure at a young age and it has followed me throughout my adult life causing a range or issues regarding self worth.  

Post # 12
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds to me like she’s having trouble with her peers. She’s younger than the age group focused on in “Queen Bees and Wannabes” by Rosalind Wiseman, but I think reading that book might be helpful for you anyway. It’s basically a self-help group for parents of tween/early teen girls that explains how to help daughters navigate this kind of stuff. (Side-note, it was the book Tina Fey bought the rights to for “Mean Girls” … apparently she had no idea it was nonfiction when she bought the movie rights. She ended up turning it into a movie anyway.)

Post # 13
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

These are kinnda old but I know I used to LOVE the ‘chicken soup for the X  soul’ books. They have chapters that focus on these sorts of issues and some of the stories in them have followed me throughout life and reflect on how I am today :] all good things though! They have them for every walk of life but I would start out with the ‘kids’ one, that was always my favorite and is what has stuck with me through the years. It might be a little old for her but it’s definitely worth a try!

Post # 14
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I second the bullying. Check to make sure everything is okay at school. Dont take her word for it. Talk to the teacher ask her to keep an eye on it. 

 

Get her involved with sports or girl scouts with a different set of girls. 

Post # 15
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would read numerous books and articles on childhood insecurity and try to find the missing link.

My child was insecure at 6 years old. Looking in the mirror saying she was ugly. She’s so beautiful!

Turns out for her, the insecurities came from my overposessiveness. I’m a first time mom with her afraid to let her get hurt even the slightest. Gave her no independence and it effected her confidence. I learned this in my own therapy.

I’ve since given her much more freedom and her confidence is growing. 

For me, I was insecure because my mom was insecure. I watched a beautiful thin woman call herself fat and unattractive all the time that I thought if she wasn’t attractive, no way I could be.

Insecurities in children don’t always come from being bullied. Maybe it is but that’s why I suggest looking into causes of insecurities in 8yo and see if anything rings true

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Profile Photo anonladygrace.

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