- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
Here it is in a large nut shell!!
I am going to ramble…..Yes my fiance and i get along great in alot of areas and for the most part she tells us to watch what we spend and we should eat at home or if we eat out split a meal or go for something less expensive. though she does have a low income. its more or less due to her being sstay at home mom for 19 years. after her divorce she went to work with children and got certificates etc. to get her going.
I will tell you that when we are together its is awesome we talk go to church together walk the parks, go for coffee and go to movies hang ast the house make dinner rent dvds, talk about what we would like to do with the house or possible weekend getaways. how we need to spend time with our kids on our own and together. we both acknowledge that raising kids and blending a family will not be easy and simple , but it is do able. We talk about marriage and how we must learn from our past so not to create the same issue on the new marriage. And to keep God close and part of the marriage.
She always tells me if we keep god in the relationship she feels it can do nothing but get stronger. She also agrees with me that we need to keep our date nights still which currently are wednesdays were we go to dinner or cook in watch idol or wedding shows or a movie sometimes we grab a coffee and go to the park were we told each other we loved one and other for the first time or where i also proposed. and then every other week her daughter and my son are with their other parents so we have the week for the most part to ourselves unless the boys are around. we still need to date each other.
i am more of the frugal one when it comes to spending as i went through a bankruptcy over 16 years ago and it was the worst feeling. i dont carry credit cards if i cant pay cash for something i wait. i do have a mortgage on a 8 year old home and a 4 year old car, my house payment is 1,116.00 a month and car payment is 349.00 I have 2 years left on the car.plus typical utility bills gas, water,satellite, cell phone etc… and i do have a school loan on deferment until I finish my masters.
i have my son 7 days on 7 days off and my ex and I have no issues between us and are good friends to boot. i still pay child support, but it isnt a issue its to ensure my son gets what he needs outsaide of when he isnt with me.
I am not perfect and far from it. I am insecure at times, I do worry about finances at times im very sensative with situations and for some reason its magnified this time around with the wedding. We are both of italian descent so we can at times have intense fights, but on the flip side we are intense with our passion and love for each other holding hands in public bringing each other coffee at work the small things that till this day have not stopped and i still get butterflies everytome i kiss her or see her. and she tells me this as well.
first wedding was different we both had income that was about equal we split the bills for the wedding we cut some corners to save dollars. and my mom gave us a 10,000 gift of money to help out. my ex and i are about 5 years different in age she was younger and when we married she had a daughter that was 5 so my step daughter is now 16.Ex was more into bar scene has also 6 siblings with kids all around my sons age. large family get togethers and lots of support and things to do for my son.
My fiance is 9 years older than me , but you would never guess she cant have kids anymore and her children ar 16, 21 and 23.
This wedding isnt expensive, but juggling everyday bills work school and trying to pay for a wedding is stressful to say the least. the large purchases are on me for the most part and the honeymoon will need to take place a few months after the wedding due to us tryin to move her stuff into mine finish some odds and ends for the kids rooms. organizing bills and consolidating.
As for my child, he is 5. he is great. and my fiance does tell him she loves him she does read books at times or holds him at outings or sites with him at dinner at times. she does say we should take gavin to the zoo this year or all the kids to disney sometime as all the kids would enjoy it. sometimes i probably put to much into her being a Mom with him and that is probably bnad as he has a mom. the kids are good with him and they do interact with him , but they are older. as for family my fiance has family but no kids my sons age and her parents are ill one is in a wheel chair and other passed a week after our engagement.
My fiance is good at talking about what her first wedding was like or what the ex did or did not do. she also brings uyp past issues in a fight or holds on to things when she says she has forgotten etc..
She does panic alot over things and i am more the settleone. if i am stressed i dont typically show it, but times I do let it oit and talk about what bothers me. for the most part i go with the flow. my fiance is a little more idnependent in areas than i am. I can admit that. i think the differences we have in areas help as some of my things rub off on her and vise versa.
I am fully stressed. as wedding stuff is coming together but i have had to push bills or be tardy to meet certain deadlines with thwedding stuff. its a struggle at times. all intensive purposes this wedding is not expensive and is fairly low cost, but the stress of being the only one basically to cover the bills is tough and i wont lie about that.
Did i know what my fiances income was? To be honest I did not until the past two months. she always told be she makes ok money and that it was nothing to brag about. she never divulged what ok money was to her. when she got tight on some bills as of recent I found out in depthj what she makes in pay with child support and spousal support. when she marries me she will lose about 850.00 a month in spousal support that would of ended in another two years and her duaghters child support is 700 and ends in two years as well. when that is gone and if she is still working at the school she is currently at she will bring home 400 every two weeks.
typically more but they spread her pay across the year so when school is out she still gets a check insteads of the alternative. She doesnt even get health insurance at this stage so she will be added to mine when we marry.
wheni talk about budgeting she cringes she says when i talk about budgeting it reminds he rof her ex because thats all he did. but he made about the same as i do and was the only one working and bringing home a income. they have also moved over 14 times since she was married to him an three time since she has been divorce.
The shallow part of me is saying i dont want to struggle and want to be comfortable and the other side of me is saying i love this woman and want my life with her, but tis will me adjustments to life style or missing out on things. It is a bad thing to think about, but it does cross my mind.
my family is italian but they are spread out. my mother lives 2 hours away as well asmy father and step mom. cousins are far and family ge t togehters are little to non with a family as large as mine. i have two brothers one has passed away and other is a loner basically. so between my fiance and me we really have only oursleves and our kids for holidays etc.
My fiance doesnt care for my ex as i guess is typical. and she does have her share of comments and that if my ex called and asked for me to take my son for a longer time or she is working and would like me to take him i would do that so i could see my son. my fiance tells me its her problem and let her get a sitter and not use you. i guess i look at it as additional time with my boy and not the other way around.
Yes it is true my fiance does get her nails done every couple weeks and hair ever 6 or 8. from what I observe. it makes her feel good and its the little treats she gives her self. she does work and i dont see a problem with it for the most part, but when things get tight skipping a session would not kill her, but thats me and I am a guy so i wont even try to act like i know what she thinks or feels about that.
As for her kids her daughter is nice and is in acatholic school her father pays for. she has her mom run her around at all times of the day and she is volunteered to take her daughter and her friends to all kinds of places i can tell my fiance likes it at times but i also see her daughter taking advantage of her as well.
her sons are 21 and 23. they are in school part time but not every semester they work her and there and typically have their friends over her house at all hours of the night. she complains they leave dishes in their rooms or never take out garbage and leave dishes in the sink. they are nice kids , but responsibility is not really there.
my fiances gas bill at times is 300 and her water is about the same if not more due to the kids always showering or keeping heat way up. i am used to 120 gas and electric together and 45 in water. lol
i take my son to waterparks, zoos and other things togehter i try to include my fiance, but she soemtimes wont go as she prefers to shop or wndow shop instead if soent time with metaking him to the water park. or when we do go to the water park she will sit in a chair ans text and be in her onw world.
my fiance is very big on her looks as she has told me she has been like this all her life and seems to of gotten worse as she has gotten older . she starts work at 730 and is only 6 minutes from worok.. She is up at 4:15 am to shower and do make up she has a routine if three different shampoos tow conditioners several lotions three razors and is slightly OCD in my eyes and she admits to ti as well at times. i have never seen her with out make up and she tells me i never will. she is always done up perfectly no matter what and at times we are late to places or will not go to other places if she feels she isnt her best. her family always says we hope you know what your getting yourself into. she isnt a spontanious person as she needs to know in advance things goin on as she needs to get ready. my obsesses about her wieght i aboslutely doent see why she is 5’7 and 106 lbs total . she eats very light and works out a few days aweek. she is good at self diagnosing herself for illnesses and when test dont come back perfect she assumes the worse and always relates the reuslts to cancer or she is dying. I am very nurturing in nature if she gets sick i take care of her rub her back when she is sick etc she wont come near me if i am sick and if my son is sick or her kids she stays clear of them. and afterwords she cleans the house like you would not believe. i agree with her cleaning, just very intense to say the least.
So am i totally confused, jittery over my head etc…