- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I’ve been a WB member since before he actually proposed, but for privacy, I created this alternate screen name.
I am just frustrated and sad and lonely.
I didn’t know that his “style of communication” was the silent treatment. I didn’t know that I would become invisible in my own home and most of the time, some perceived slight that he wouldn’t even bothering telling me about until maybe 3 or 4 days later. I’m direct when it comes to emotional issues because I’ve been accused (by siblings, mom, some ex’s) as being “cold”. I’m not, however I do tend to see things in black and white (that’s a scientists mind for you 🙂 ). Because I know it gets me into trouble…people think I don’t care when I’m not acting/reacting “normally”. So, if something has bothered me, or upset me, I tend to tell him when I realize I’m bothered. Like, if it’s fleeting, I’ll allow it to pass. If I’m sitting there like, ‘hey, that really bugged me’, I’ll let him know so that stuff doesn’t fester. I’ve asked him to just TELL me. Even if the cause is a little unreasonable. Even if you don’t know why you were upset/offended/hurt/angered/whatever, to just TELL me.
Every. Single. Time. “It” ends with him promising to “work on” saying what he’s feeling, etc. But then it happens again. At least once or twice a month. And, if you have never been on the receiving end of the silent treatment…whew…it is so far beyond “I’m not talking to you”. It hurts to the core. To have someone, and the ONE person who is supposed to love you most, move around you as if you didn’t exist is painful.
This latest issue started because of a dream he says he had that I was still in contact with a male friend that he doesn’t like. Now, this is a platonic friend, who I’ve known for going on 20 years. We are friends. That’s all. When he first expressed discomfort, I asked if meeting him and getting to know him would help (friend lives out of state), he said no, that he didn’t want to meet him. This was a fight. Then after we got engaged, he was upset that I called friend to tell him about the engagement, this was a fight that ended in me asking if he needed me to end the friendship. he said no. I scaled back talking and texting with my friend and haven’t seen him in over a year and a half now. So, he was still upset 3 days after the dream which honestly, I did not understand. I asked what would make him feel better. I assured him that there was nothing to worry about, that texts/calls are pretty much left to “events” now (holidays, birthdays, my dads major illness that I let him know about). This was a week ago, he’s still not talking to me.
I’m lost. I am under extra stress because I have final exams. I went in to a walk in counselor on campus and was told just shelve the entire thing until after finals, and he of course suggested couples counseling, which I’m going to suggest to my husband.
I just feel torn. It’s so early in the marriage which takes me down the path of…1)early as in needing to adjust and make it through and 2) early as in, do I want to continue this if this is “how it’s going to be”.
ANY btdt, advice, suggestions, are appreciated. And thank you for letting me vent.