Post # 1
So my fiance and I have made a comittment to abstain from sex for the remainder of our engagement which means about 7ish months. We are doing this as a testament to our relationship and to grow beyond physical intimacy. I have been married before and I also have a two year old so I have had sex before, obviously. My fiance and I also have had a very satisfying and active sex life prior to this (we havent gone more than 5 days without for the year we have been together). Anyway, what in the sam hill are we going to do when we get the urge?!?! Is anyone else comitting to this?
Post # 3
It is possible to do! Just remember what you two are commiting too and each do your part to help encourage the other in the struggle.
It’s harder at first b/c there may be back and forth feelings of rejection when one or both of you gets the “urge” but then stops… Since you both have been and initiated intimacy then it will still come up (atleast for a period) where 1 or both of you want to be intimate…. and then when you or him has to “shoot the other down” it can bring feelings of insecurity and then sometimes even feeling bad about pushing it.
Just be encourging & understanding and learn to be incredibly loving to each other without the physical aspect.
I was married before Darling Husband as well and was very much in the same boat you are in, coming from alot of the same perspective.
I can honestly say though that Darling Husband and I do not for one second regret refraining the months that led up to our Wedding Day… Infact I know that in many ways we felt so much more fulfilled b/c we knew that having already “been there” it was such a struggle at times but we really pulled together and abstained until that day came.
The Day we got married was so awesome in the emotion we held for each other in regards to our intimacy… How we had grown closer together and had such a different outlook about physical intimacy. It was so amazing. We both cried on the way to our honeymoon and we’ve both since just enjoyed so much been able to think back on that.
Goodluck and pm anytime… I do understand where you are and what you’re going through. 😉
Post # 4
You can do it as long as you are both on the same page regarding it and both equally committed to what you are doing. You can encourage each other whenever that urge to do the deed comes up…
My husband and I personally didn’t do this, but a close Christian “couple friend” of ours did and said they were really glad they did it and it wasn’t actually that hard because they both wanted to abstain.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 5
Thank you so much for responding. Your post made my heart so big that I got a little teary here at my desk. Even my fiance gets emotional, in a good way, when we put into perspective what we are comitting to. I will be PMing you when I’m rocking in a corner under a blanket…;)
Post # 6
Thanks! And we both do! It was a mutual descision. We actually didn’t think about it until our first marriage mentoring session with our church. They asked to atleast discuss it. We did, and surprised ourselves!
Post # 7
I wanted to do this, but Fiance and I eventually decided not to do it. I still think it’s a wonderful idea, though, and am sending good wishes for you! 🙂
Post # 9
If you both are able to do this, that is awesome. Glad you both came about it naturally; sounds like you will be able to succeed.
Good luck!! 🙂
Post # 10
Darling Husband and I abstained for 3 months prior to our wedding day. The idea was brought up by our mentor couple for our marriage prep. It was hard, but it really made a difference on our wedding night. There was a truer appreciation for each than we ever had before and we learned to communicate our feelings and intimate thoughts verbally so much better.
Good for you!!! It’s worth it!!!
Post # 11
Thinking of you!
My Fiance and are are down 8 months with about 4 more to go.
Although noneof us were previously married and had sex lives, we have still once enjoyed the pleasures of each others bodies with fooling around which we regret now.
Take this time and enjoy it ! You can develop habits of together time and non sexual intimacy that will carry over into your marriage. It also puts things to the test! See how you fare together without sex as a foundation of the relationship.
You will be able to look back and be proud of what you both accomplished together and for the cause.
Theres times where I want to jump his bones and go to the dark side, but I know its not worth if for one fleeting moment of pleasure.
Stay strong, you can do it!!!
Post # 12
@Eva Peron: Ditto!
@TheJeanses2012: Stay strong girl it’s more than possible.
Post # 13
I know this thread is old, but my fiancee and I are choosing to absatin because we just had a pregnancy scare big time!! But…Phew, AF came to visit now. 🙂
So we have 5 months till the wedding day…I am glad we are choosing to abstain, I think it will strengthen our alreaady strong emotional connection as well. 🙂