- 3 years ago
I wasn’t sure what to title this thread but I’m hoping I can vent and get some input from you all.
Im currently 7 months pregnant with SO and my first baby. I’m so excited to be a mom and I’ve worked with children professionally and as a nanny for over a decade so I feel confident about the type of mommy I’ll be and what needs to be done to care for baby girl. With that being said, after a long and uphill battle of a conversation with my SO, I’m feeling really uncomfortable with his approach to parenting.
During my pregnancy I lost my job, so financially we took a hit and all of the financial burden is on my SO. As a result we’re living in an apartment with his extended family. I’m thankful that we’re able to do so even though it’s difficult to know that I’m not going to be bringing our baby girl home to our own home once she arrives. I’ve sucked it up and I have a plan to go back to work and SO promises that we’ll be in our own place by Christmas.
With that being said, my SO has his mom, grandma, siblings and other family members who live in our building and are all in and out of the apartment we stay in with his grandmother frequently. I loved this because it seemed great to have a large, close family and support system. UNTIL, tonight my SO is expressing to me that I “should just know and be aware” that his family “will be parenting our daughter when she gets here.” I said, well of course their welcome to help out with her and be apart of her life and love and dote on her. And he said, NO, you don’t get it– and explained to me that his mom and grandma will be raising her THEIR way, in their way, with their rules, methods and way of doing things. WAIT WHAT?
Ok, so I’m more than okay with taking parenting advice from grandparents, I appreciate help with the baby because I know what it entails and I’m fine with her being raised in his Hispanic culture and being bilingual. (He’s Hispanic, I’m Italian) But there’s no way that my daughter will be PARENTED by anyone other than SO or myself. I’m her mother, he’s her father. No one else is her parent. SO went so far as to express to me that there’s family members who “gave” their children to his grandmother to raise until they were 3 so they would be brought up her way from when they were young and that when our girl is older if she needs to be disciplined his grandma and mother are free to spank, and discipline her the way he was raised if need be. WTF!!! A light spank on the tush if she’s 5 and acting out is fine but over my dead body is anyone going to go ahead and discipline my child without my knowledge consent or approval in a way that I don’t agree with. I was never disciplined that way and there was no need for it.
Now im worried. I’m more than worried– it’s 2:30am and I’m having anxiety and rethinking my entire relationship over this, because I’m not going through an uphill battle on how to parent our baby girl. This doesn’t seem like a regular mommy to be issue to me. He can’t see that this is entirely entrusive, and I’m not just passing my child off onto someone else, having my toes stepped on and having someone else be her parent– when baby girl has a mom and dad and that’s OUR title.
Bees, help! Any advice would help! Is this just a cultural thing? Because I’m ready to put my foot down but I want to do in in the right way. Thank you for reading!