(Closed) 7 weeks left =(

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

One day at a time, honestly. When you live on base, you will be able to get involved with the other women. You can skype and all that other stuff when your Fiance is deployed. But, I doubt this training stint will be the worst 3 months ever…there is likely a deployment in his future, so look at this like a baby step towards that. I feel like after a month, you settle into a routine. You have to find things to keep yourself busy and distracted. Otherwise you mope all day and it just festers.

You just get used to it.

Post # 5
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Take a bus or a cab? Take up running? Learn to make and sell things online? Learn to knit or read or something like that. Maybe your dad will start to wear ear plugs so you don’t just hide in your room all day.

How is this any different with your Fiance gone, though? Aside from communication being halted, couldn’t he take you to get your permit? If he can’t take his car to training–can you borrow it?

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I guess you could talk to your dad about it. Explain the situation and see what the deal is. I can’t believe your father just forces you and your daughter to hide in your room all day and not make a peep. It sounds sort of like a prison type set up! It’s just weird. Unless he’s just against you driving at that age, I can’t see your father not encouraging some sort of independence from you.

If the only difference is that your Fiance comes over and sometimes you go out, you’ll just have to find ways to be content, just the two of you. It’s a good life skill if you’re marrying into the military because they are gone a lot.

If you literally have exhausted every option and no ideas work for you, then you just have to make the best of the crap situation you have.

But truly, my advice is to just take it one day at a time.

Post # 8
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@cyndistar3:  I won’t say being apart from your Fiance gets easier, but you do find a way to adjust to it.  In the 2 1/2 years Darling Husband and I were in a LDR, we saw eachother 8 times, so I definitely feel your pain about the distance. 

It does sound like your situation is a bit tough beings you don’t have a means of transportation or a way to get out and get a bit of fresh air.  I would urge you to talk to your parents to take you to get your permit/license.  That little bit of freedom will work WONDERS on your spirts 🙂

Like Ejs said, the next few months are likely going to be no where close to your hardest months being married to a soldier.  Deployments are hard and they down right suck (for both you and him), and when he’s home, he’s likely to be gone….ALOT…for training.  I mention this because the sooner you find a routine and way to deal with it the better.  I too suffer from depression, but more so anxiety, and that coupled with Darling Husband being in the military isn’t the best combination sometimes, but you do learn how to adjust…it just takes time 🙂  I always broke the segments up into little time frames…That seemed to make the time go by faster.  Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.  I can definitely relate to the military life and all that goes with it!

Post # 9
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do not underestimate the power of a job or friends while your Fiance is gone. Do you have friends who could provide a means and an excuse to get out of the house? Do you work at all? Could you get a job within walking distance or car pooling with a friend? What about your FI’s family? Is there any way you can ‘escape’ over there and spend time bonding with your future in laws and letting them bond with their grandchild?

Whatever you do, do NOT and I repeat do NOT spend all day every single day cooped up in your bedroom. Even if it is something as small as taking your daughter for a walk around the block twice a day, you NEED to get out.

I have to say that I am very worried about you. You are young with a lot of responsibilities, no transportation, and a history of depression. Once you are married, please, look into Military One Source of help with your depression. They have some great mental health resources there that will be of infinite value when you are forced to endure an even longer separation. Obtaining a reliable means of transportation is also a necessity for you. I second ejs’ suggestion to borrow FI’s car while he is gone. Have him take you to the DMV, get your permit and license before he goes.

Post # 11
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Could you get your permit while he is still here?  It sounds like you’ve got a good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law, so maybe she would also take you?  Also, with BAH, could you get your own place someplace close to a bus stop or something while he is gone?

Post # 12
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You’ll find strength you didnt’t know you had, because you have to. You do get used to it! Fiances first deployment was 11 months and we made it, you can too!

Post # 13
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@cyndistar3:dont worry you’ll be alright! it literally will get easier with time! being seperated from your Fiance only makes your love stronger for each other. you should pick up a hobby like scrapbooking your good times together or knitting! just try to find something to keep your mind off the time and seperation and before you know it you’ll be in each others arms once again!

Post # 14
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m not sure how you and your Fiance cover the expenses of having a child, but is there any way you could work out an arrangement to cover the cost of having a sitter so you could work- at least part time? You could probably at the very least recoup the amount you’d be spending on the sitter and in turn get a little extra income, plus a social network so you won’t go crazy! Best of luck.

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