Bee, you keep saying you don’t want a ring, and you came up with a lot of reasons why it was okay to finally admit you wanted a lovely 2k stone.
There’s. Nothing. Wrong. With wanting an engagement ring. Nothing.
That guilt, whatever it is that had you feel you don’t deserve, or needed to backpedal and keep saying you didn’t want a ring – that’s the first place to begin.
I am a full decade older than you, and I just met my future husband. He proposed with a beautiful diamond and ruby ring – a ring better than anything I’d ever dreamed.
I have been “engaged” before, but with no proposals and no ring. And let me tell you, ultimately it feels shitty. It’s fine if you actually don’t wear or want rings, but that’s not what I am hearing.
Your language is that you’d resent a ring that didn’t cost him even half what he paid for his watch (and I don’t blame you. That’s not a good sign. It’s not about dollar amounts, it’s about how much thought and care go toward YOU in that symbol that you’ll wear the rest of your life.) your language is that you are sad the magic you dreamed of simply isn’t there.
Listen, sweet bee. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have to grab at crumbs from the table because you’re x-years-old. At any age, this is YOUR life, and you deserve to be the guest of honor at the banquet.
At a decade older than you, I do remember thinking I was “old” a decade ago, and putting up with crap from a man who did not deserve me… and I cannot express how glad I am that I didn’t stay, and didn’t compromise.
There may be some lonely years ahead where you find your feet again, and there may be some temptation to go back to him just to fill that void, but remember this: if the emptiness by your side is filled with him, you WILL NOT be able to find the one who fills it with joy and with caring and generosity.
You’ll be accepting crumbs for the rest of your life if you accept crumbs.
Let the emptiness be there. Discover yourself. Become interested in yourself. Be your own best life partner. Meet the woman you are, and love her until you KNOW she deserves a beautiful engagement ring.
I am looking toward marriage with a man who protects and wishes to provide for me. We have our troubles and squabbles, yes, but he wishes, above all, to see me happy – it makes him very happy- and he tries his best to take good care of me. That has me resentment-free, and I am good to him without it being (like it was in the past) a feeling that I was pouring from an empty well.
I know we each need to be responsible for our own happiness and for filling our own well, etc, but it REALLY doesn’t hurt to have a partner who helps and cares – because life can get rocky.
The man you find may not be the most wealthy – mine isn’t yet, but he’s building- the stone he may be able to provide may not be your dream 2ct, but believe me when I tell you this: when you know your man moved mountains and worked his butt off to create or find a ring for YOU, just for you, and then got on one knee to ask you to give him your hand in marriage, that ring becomes magic – no matter what size.
Stop saying you don’t want a ring. Hear your inner self that is saying she does. Acknowledge her. You deserve a ring and you deserve a love, not a business deal, NOT a man who thinks he’s cute with prenups.
He sounds so egotistical. You deserve so much better, bee. Go love your life!