Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years since last week and he still has not proposed. We started dating when I was in college and he was working. I was 20 and he was 22. We both started really new and good careers two years ago and have been living together ever since. He always talks about getting married and having a family however, he still has not asked me the question and I dont see him making preparations or plans for this. I know because we have had this conversation millions of time, I constantly tell him how I feel and that I didnt want to have kids before marriage. He doesnt mind having kids now however, his excuse about marriage always comes down to not being financially able to plan a wedding which honestly dont make much sense to me because he wants a child, which I think cost more and is a much greater responsibility and commitment since another person will now be involved in our union. I dont know what to do. Each time I bring it up it is like I am being a bother. I have gotten to the point where I am starting not to care about marriage anymore and I dont think I will be excited or elated when or if he ever proposes. Do u think I am rushing it? I told myself that I am giving up to the end of the year and if he doesnt make a move I am walking away. I am not even sure if I can pull through that long without blowing up, December is six months away. Everyone around me is getting married and it makes me wonder what is happening to us. He claims that he was going to propose last year but then we had an argument so he just changed his mind and decided not to bother with it. What should I do? Please, advise
Post # 2
Isabel2012 : Break up with him. Your time is precious. He has had 7 years to decide whether he wants to marry you. A single argument should not deter him. Plus, he considers proposing to you a “bother”. Also, your instincts are correct: if he is not financially and emotionally ready for marriage he is not financially and emotionally ready for children.
Post # 3
Bee, 7 years isn’t rushing anything. Tell him goodbye and find someone who is excited to marry you. It will be so worth it.
Post # 4
Wow. This guy is the scum of the earth.
-He is well aware that you want marriage
-He has done nothing to prove he is actually interested in getting engaged. All he has done is talk for years
-He is more than happy to use you to birth his children so he can get some kids out of the deal and when he’s done with you he can just trash you and walk away
He knows exactly how you feel and has done nothing to show you that he even cares about your feelings, let alone take steps to getting engaged. He has just bullshitted you and bought time for years.
And now he takes it a step farther by trying to push you into having children outside of marriage, something you are uncomfortable with, for his own benefit.
He can go fuck himself. It is so disgusting to me how blatantly he does not care about you or respect you.
I don’t say this lightly, OP. Do not give this piece of shit another second of your time. He is a user. He will never marry you, with or without kids, and he is too big of a piece of shit to be honest about that with you.
Toss him out like the trash
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa
My Darling Husband and I were together from age 22 to 28 before we got engaged, so 6 years. He wanted to be financially ready before we got engaged/married. Honestly I was semi-planning the wedding before I had the ring, but we talked about it and I knew marriage was in the future.
My sister was in relationship from age 16 to 30, where her bf kept giving the ‘just not ready’ excuse and made ZERO plans to move the relationship forward at all. She wasted a LONG time on him. She finally broke up with him and a year later is very happy in a new relationship with a guy who does want to get married.
I guess you need to figure out which guy your bf is; is he going to propose, or is he going to just keep dragging you along. If it’s the later, then get out now. Dont’ let him waste anymore of your time.
Post # 6
Leave today. Not tomorrow. If you have a time machine, leave 7 years ago.
Instead of wondering why he won’t propose, ask yourself why you want to marry a man who treats you so dismissively.
Post # 7
1. youre not rushing anything bc its been 7 years..
2. an argument shouldnt question or second guess if he wants to marry you.
Post # 8
I’m not usually one to jump on the “marriage or GTFU” bandwagon, but in this case…..He was going to propose but then you essentially annoyed him, so he didn’t and then brought it up later to punish you? That is a glaringly obvious prelude to emotional abuse. Don’t break up with him because everyone around you is getting engaged and you want to be too. DO break up with him because he thinks your relationship is a weapon to wield against you in an effort to control you.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I am sorry but you two had an arguement so he decided not to bother proposing. Yea that’ a lame excuse. Just think about that please. He could have asked you 2 weeks after the arguement. Come on!!!!!
Post # 10
So I’m gonna be blunt here:
1. DO NOT have children with this man.
2. If he wanted to marry you he would have by now. Nothing, not money, parents, kids, jobs….NOTHING would stop him marrying you.
3. Why is he the sole decider of your future? Last time I checked that was your job and apparently you’re slacking.
4. Google “sunken cost fallacy”…you’re a victim of this.
5. This is really simple. You already knew what you needed to do long before you posted so why haven’t done what you KNOW you need to do. What are you afraid of??? There are over 6 billion people on the planet. The idea that this is the only man that you will click with is crazy talk. There are plenty of men out there who are dying to meet you.
6. A bee put this so succintly and I love it. “You’ll only be able to find a man willing to marry you if you leave the ones who aren’t.” Best quote ever!!
Post # 11
You are definitely not rushing anything. It has been 7 years and not 7 “we started dating in middle school” years. I would agree with everyone else and say that you need to stop wasting your time. I would have been livid if my SO told me he was going to propose a year ago but decided not to because of an argument. I call BS on that one. Especially now, if he hasn’t even made moves towards a proposal after agreeing to a timeline. Cut your losses. As hard as it is to leave after putting 7 years into something, it is better in the long run because you can find the person who wants the same things you want.
Some of my relationships have gotten shorter as I have gotten older because I’ve been more willing to walk away from people who have significant differences in goals in life (marriage/kids/etc). Break ups always suck but then we move forward.
Post # 12
Isabel2012 : Aw, this sucks. I was in the same situation about 7 years ago. I was with a man for 5 years and I was ready, he was not. He claimed he needed another 2 years to be more financially stable, best thing I did was leave. We remained “friends” and I put that in quotes bc he will just check in on me from time to time. Come to find out, he never wants to get married and never wants to have kids, he says it was something he realized after I left, I call BS. We had fun, traveled, and his family loved me, it was easy. It was difficult walking away but wow, I’m so much happier. Your boyfriend is showing you what he values, I’m sure he loves you but marrying you is not a priority and telling you he was going to propose last year is a dick move, seriously. Move on and don’t waste another day with this person, sorry, I feel for you!
Post # 13
sorry that you’re going through this it’s hard, I know! I was with my ex for 11 years until I realized if he couldn’t have committed sooner he would never commit.
This sounds like the same with your boyfriend. I say wish him well but you’re looking for more.
You deserve someone invested in you a whole lot sooner!
Post # 14
He’s literally wasting your fertile years. Leave now. Don’t wait.