(Closed) 78 Guests… 16 cards and 1 present.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

What exactly is “old school etiquette”? There’s no etiquette I’m aware of that says anyone has to give you cash for your wedding. Or a gift, for that matter.

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Technically etiquette says guests have up to a year to give a gift after a wedding, so you never know what may show up in the mail down the road. Personally, I would never show up to a wedding empty-handed. If I couldn’t afford to give a gift (cash or otherwise) I would still at least bring a card and hope I could give something further down the road. But you never know what each person’s financial situation is, as you said, times are hard. The gift is that you were surrounded by the people you love and who love you on your wedding day. Everything after that is a bonus 🙂

Post # 6
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not surprised, and I would guess that most of the monetary gifts came from your older relatives who wouldn’t consider ever attending a wedding empty handed. I know I never would,so I guess I still believe in the ‘old school etiquette’ as does my entire family. Both of my daughter’s weddings were in this past year and they received something (almost all cash) from every single person who attended (except the brother and sister of the groom at my first daughter’s wedding last June).

Post # 7
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

  I do have to say that I did experience that people just are not in the financial posistion lately to give out much money or gifts. I hate to say that I was dissapointed with my gifts because that would just be very selfish of me BUT I do agree that when you look at wedding gifts 10 years ago compared to now, it is a little discouraging.

 We had about 125 guests and only got $900. Not that it wasn’t appreciated at all, but it is a good look at how we as American citizens are doing in todays economy.

 I would never get mad at someone coming to my wedding empty handed. But speaking for myself, I do give whatever I can at whatever I may be invited too. I just wouldn’t feel right not doing so. I guess the point to my post is that I understand completely where you are coming from. I know your not trying to be rude and that writing a post dealing with the gifts (or lack there of) can never really come acrossed as good as you would hope. But I do understand 😉

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@jamiemichelle: Totally agreed. I mean, it would have been wonderful to *hope* that we would have balanced out gifts received vs cash spent, but I knew that would never happen. We stayed within our means though which I agree is SO important.

Post # 10
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@jamiemichelle:  Totally agree with you! I’ve seen this change happen to my friends + family over the past 5 years.

Post # 11
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

At my wedding we had about 5 families that did not give us anything, not even a “Congratulations” card!

I was actually looking forward to sweet cards, but did not even get that. It did make me a little angry, but then the wedding is not a way of making money, it’s a day to celebrate. I was angry at those families that they brought about 3-4 people each, had a nice sit down dinner that we paid 50$ for each person. I don’t know what their finances are, they might be without work, but i hope they had a good time, a card with happy wishes would be enough for me and i would keep it in my wedding box as a memory, but they did not even do that for us! Sorry, for a longer post, just wanted to share.

Post # 12
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Did you have showers that your guests may have attended and given you gifts then? Some people don’t give more than one gift. Some simply cannot afford to.

Post # 13
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s interesting. Technicallt, your sister got married at the worst part of the economic fallout. Now, things are actually a lot better. Maybe your perticular region is having a harder time now than it was then?

Post # 14
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hope I don’t get torn to shreds for this comment but its a wedding and couples expect gifts! It’s only natural. Years ago, couples would recoup close to what they spent on their wedding in gifts. That is totally not the case anymore and while we all have to understand that the economy sucks, we still have the right to be a little disappointed.

Now, I know its our choice to have the weddings that we want but spending $10,000 to feed and entertain your nearest and dearest and for a night and receiving a fraction of that back, must be hard to handle. 

Most couples have plans for the money that they receive in gifts, whether they admit to it or not. For instance, Fiance and I hope to put a down payment on a condo with help from our wedding gifts. If it happens, great! If not, oh well, we still had an awesome wedding!

I understand that times are tough and not every couple can afford to give us money for our wedding but bringing a card with a heartfelt note will cost $5. Theres no excuse for coming empty handed.  

Post # 15
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Our guests were fairly generous. However, a few of them showed up wthout even a card, which was shocking to me. Every wedding Darling Husband and I get invited to or go to we send a card and something. I’m not saying guests HAVE to bring money or a gift but for heaven’s sake, at least get a card! Two of my going through rough times, so they went together on a gift. And one of the girls made me the most beautiful pillow for my shower that I treasure even more than so many of the gifts we got. I just think not even a card is incredibly rude.

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