(Closed) 78 Guests… 16 cards and 1 present.

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@jaimiemichelle I havent really read through all the posts as it seems everyone just jumped down your throat which was wrong. I got what you were trying to say.

Its funny you mention it bc i know, traditionally or at some point it was thought that your “gifts” would cover the cost (or be equivilant) to the wedding. I never knew this till wedding bee though, never really thought of it after either. But my husband asked after the wedding if he thinks we “made back” our money in gifts..I kind of laughed and thought no.

We spent 11,000 on our wedding, we now have 3000 in our honeymoon fund and our registry was completed. I think all in all our registry was about 3000.00. I dont think we did to bad.

BUT

my girlfriend just got married and she had 100 people and spent about 7000.00. She got about 1000.00 in cash and recieved THREE things off her registry (I felt so bad for her as she has a kid too so all this stuff would have been great!!)

I guess what i am trying to say is it depends on the wedding maybe? My friends wedding was really low key, bbq type thing and mine was a little more upscale…damn it…as i type this it doesnt even make sense….people had to travel and buy nice outfits for my wedding you would have thought they would have spent LESS on us…

pffttt i dont know….ramblings of a mad woman i suppose. :p

Post # 78
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with people who say that the cost of a wedding is rising and the ability of people to give is decreasing. After all, in the ‘olden days’ a wedding was NOT a three-day extravaganza with all meals covered in black-tie venues and transportation included. People might well send a gift or cash from across the country, but were not expected to actually fly, take the train, or drive out to the wedding. I agree that people were also, for better or worse, more excited about giving to a couple that didn’t have a household, as opposed to couple that have been together for years and own a house and have kids together. Also, in the old days, the gifts were often about the status of the bride’s parents, rather than the bride or groom.

I also wonder if some guests feel jaded because they spend money to go to the wedding and send a gift, but never get a thank you card (and we brides do not get a year to write our thank yous). Maybe they get tired of picking something off the registry and then wondering if the couple ever got it!

In our circle, registry stuff generally gets completed, but nobody gives a lot of cash. For the two of us, we don’t live together but have been together for years. There is no doubt we will spend far more on our wedding that we will receive. The other thing is that we are considering asking for no gifts because a flight and hotel for our wedding will already be so many hundreds!

Post # 79
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

we went into our wedding FULLY expecting to pay for it ourselves.. so we kept it at about a price that we knew we could cover but also knowing it will be nice to receive some gifts to help the little bit over budget we went.. i think our wedding cost about 35k. we were soooooo sooo lucky and received an unexpected 10k from my parents about a month before the wedding (really not expected AT ALL) which helped a ton.  We live in NY/NJ as do most of our guests. There are very few that got us nothing and quite a few that were way generous.. i mean, really our families are not AMAZINGLY well off.. from wedding gifts alone we got about 20k from a guest list of 150. We really are blessed and I never expected CLOSE to that.. I kept telling my husband “it will be nice to get 2k or so to cover some of the honeymoon!”   so yes, never expect it and be happy when good things do happen…  i do think it is different for different parts of the country…

Post # 80
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Miss Sequoia: I felt the same way about our semi-destination wedding. Guests are already committing to travel and spend on a hotel, and some will need to take a day off of work. Plus, as an older bride, I don’t need more stuff. So on our wedding website, I encouraged guests to come “gift-free and guilt-free.” Optionally, we suggested donations to two special charities in lieu of gifts, and for those who insist on honoring us with a gift, we set up a honeymoon fund.

Some people are offended by honeymoon funds, but we have both lost people we were very close to at very young ages (my dad at 43, his aunt at 51), and we feel strongly that we want to focus on building memories together, not accumulating more things. I think our guests will understand.

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