8.5 years & no ring, need advice on how to bring up the conversation.

posted 11 months ago in Proposals
Post # 31
Member
6503 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Lots of things are “nice” to think about when you aren’t truly faced with them. DO NOT buy real estate with this man if you aren’t at least engaged. You’re a fool if you do.

Post # 32
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

So…. you asked him what’s up, he bought an entire year of extra time on top of the 8 years and you said ok? Wow you really bought his excuse hook line and sinker. He has had 8 years to propose, it’s stupid to give him a whole extra year to do it in. He is ready to buy a house? Clearly money isn’t an issue. I’d give him 2 months max. 

nic15 :  

Post # 33
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I don’t agree with Ladyjane123 – if your saving to buy a house where is this extra money for the ring meant to magically appear from? I, of course, don’t know your finances but he might need the time to actually buy and I think ahead of 25 (at least in the UK) most people aren’t thinking about marriage and only now would it start to become a real thing they would start planning for.

I was in the exact same position – meany my fiance at uni so at 18/19 and were together for 7 years before proposal we get married this year at 9 years.

When you start young although the relationship is long for a lot of that time you arent event considering marriage as a viable option so it just isn’t the same.

 

Hopefully, he sticks to his word, and if he doesn’t hold him to it. I agree – do not buy a house without the ring – just for security purposes but that is just me. I did have joint accounts until we were engaged.

Post # 34
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

It comes from the savings ear marked for the house. If ring comes before house why wouldn’t he prioritize the ring and buy that first from the savings and then go back to saving for a house together. 

 

Roxie_S :  

Post # 35
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t buy a house together before at least being engaged and close to the wedding happening. It sounds like you’re on the same page, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful with sharing assets. 

Post # 37
Member
40 posts
Newbee

@Ladyjane123 – it depends on what they have prioritised – some don’t want to get engaged before the house as they don’t think it makes sense to do it that way round as house is more important etc etc so taking the money away from the house wouldn’t make sense to some.

But as OP clarified they have money for both so then not sure on the delay. 

@OP have you asked him when he is thinking of getting married? I find that generally, men don’t think big picture and timelines and forward planning generally. It is like I want to get married, but no thoughts on when how, when to buy the ring to meet a deadline because there isn’t one lol. 

So if you haven’t discussed a when then just sit down and say, this is what I was thinking in terms of marriage and I want to be at least engaged before we move forward with buying a house, what were you thinking or does that timeline work for you?

 

But if he knows you want the rings before buying the house then he may already be making plans, if you plan to be looking now though you never know how long these things or how quick they can take sooo maybe he needs a little nudge.

 

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