8 Years and no proposal

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Your feelings are justified. Proposals can happen any time of the year. If you are both already certain you want to get married, it just makes sense to get engaged. I think you should have an open conversation with him confirming that’s what he really wants. Let him know you’re certain you want this, but it’s only fair to you that if he’s not certain, he let’s you know. That way you can make a decision based on the facts. Personally, I think everybody deserves to be with someone who is head over heals for them. On the surface, it seems he’s not living up to that.

Post # 3
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

Part of wedding vows has traditionally included “in sickness and in health”. He sounds like he is very unsympathetic to your situation. Think about whether you want to be engaged, let alone married to someone like that. To be fair, he’s young and guys his age generally are not ready to settle down. In a non confrontational way, tell him you are planning your future and need to know if he is truly ready to take the next step. If not, at least you will know it is time to move on. It makes me angry to see that he is blaming you for the delay. That’s really a dick move, In My Humble Opinion. He needs to 💩 or get off the pot at this point, rather than waste any more of your time.

If the conversation with him does not resolve anything, take some time apart from one another for a while. It sounds like you need a break from him, because the whole situation is causing you a lot of grief. And NO, my dear….you are NOT over reacting. 

Post # 4
Member
2046 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah I don’t buy his excuses. If anything, you would think your sudden serious health issues would inspire him to propose sooner rather than later-life is short! 

He can worry about your health and be engaged to you at the same time. I think he’s using your health issues as an excuse, which is pretty insulting. 

I don’t like how he’s holding this over your head. Not a good sign, bee. 

I think you should come up with a walk date in your head and if he doesn’t propose by then, leave. Whether that’s by the end of the year or shortly after. 

I also kinda doubt he was actually going to propose in the summer- it sounds like one of those “well I was going to and then u ruined it by doing xyz” excuses to make you feel bad for his failure to take action. 

Do u know if he has a ring? 

Post # 9
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

Why the timing the get engaged even matter? It’s all about wanting to express you would like to commit to each other and I don’t buy delaying engagement and giving lots of ultimatums etc. There isn’t one right time, and it looks like your boyfriend isn’t really concerned about that stage of life just yet.

If he wanted to get engaged I’m sure he’d propose even when you were at the hospital, which is such a romantic proposal. Anyways  people are different of course. 

Let him know your feelings truly, and if you really do believe he’s being reluctant and even disrespected, don’t let him steal more years of your life. 

Post # 9
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If he wanted to be engaged you’d be engaged right now.

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee

As someone else who had their “proposal postponed” due to a major health issue, it’s IMO bullshit. Especially when he moves the deadline that far away. The longer they leave you in waiting limbo, the less likely they’ll be to propose. They’ll just find another reason not to do it. My “engagement ring” has been sitting in a drawer for 15 months and when my health was no longer a concern and we got the result we were hoping for, he just “forgot” about his own timeline.

Have a walk date in your head, don’t waste your 20s on someone who pushes back your SHARED future despite what you both agreed on and you want. Life is too short to give someone even more years when they won’t propose. 

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