Post # 1
So let me start with my boyfriend and I are 24 and 25 years old…
We have been together for 8 years and have seriously talked about marriage for 2 1/2 years since I had graduated college. We don’t live together and when I graduated college we talked about wanting to get engaged within a couple of years but spending the time in between paying off some loans so that when we do get engaged we have more money to save for a wedding and move out. My problem is though all this year I have told my boyfriend that I am ready to get engaged, a huge portion of my loans are paid down and we have a good enough savings and plan for us to be able to move out and have a wedding. When I have talked to him about it all year he would tell me “by the end of the year.”
I know he had wanted to get engaged during the summer but unfortunately I had a major medical emergency that landed me in the hospital for 8 days, a major surgery and an 8 week recovery in July while we were leaving his family vacation and on our way home. Now that I am better, back at work etc. I brought up the engagement topic. We were arguing and he told me that because of my medical emergency it delayed the proposal. He said “not by much but it delayed it.” I found out that he had planned to propose around July-September but due to my health it obviously didn’t happen.
But what upsets me is that now that I bring up engagement again at first he said it’ll happen by the end of the year. Now he’s saying it won’t happen by the end of the year because he doesn’t want to get engaged around the holidays and is concerned about my health (I am back at work and donig a lot better) so it won’t be until next year. I am angry because he told me despite everything he would propose by the end of the year, and now he’s telling me not until next year. I am angry and resentful. I am not sure if I am over reacting or if I just need accept it and move my “shut-off” date due to my health creating this huge pause. Idk what to do and I have been emotional and crying. I am very tired of waiting for something to happen. I don’t really want to wait until next year since we talked extensively about getting engaged this year. Idk if I am over reacting and have to accept some things that were so far out of my control. But I still can’t help but feel angry and overwhelemed. I feel like he had so much time to propose and now he’s telling me that during the time I got sick that it so happened to be the time he planned to pop the question?
Help. I need some serious advice.
Post # 2
Your feelings are justified. Proposals can happen any time of the year. If you are both already certain you want to get married, it just makes sense to get engaged. I think you should have an open conversation with him confirming that’s what he really wants. Let him know you’re certain you want this, but it’s only fair to you that if he’s not certain, he let’s you know. That way you can make a decision based on the facts. Personally, I think everybody deserves to be with someone who is head over heals for them. On the surface, it seems he’s not living up to that.
Post # 3
Part of wedding vows has traditionally included “in sickness and in health”. He sounds like he is very unsympathetic to your situation. Think about whether you want to be engaged, let alone married to someone like that. To be fair, he’s young and guys his age generally are not ready to settle down. In a non confrontational way, tell him you are planning your future and need to know if he is truly ready to take the next step. If not, at least you will know it is time to move on. It makes me angry to see that he is blaming you for the delay. That’s really a dick move, In My Humble Opinion. He needs to 💩 or get off the pot at this point, rather than waste any more of your time.
If the conversation with him does not resolve anything, take some time apart from one another for a while. It sounds like you need a break from him, because the whole situation is causing you a lot of grief. And NO, my dear….you are NOT over reacting.
Post # 4
Yeah I don’t buy his excuses. If anything, you would think your sudden serious health issues would inspire him to propose sooner rather than later-life is short!
He can worry about your health and be engaged to you at the same time. I think he’s using your health issues as an excuse, which is pretty insulting.
I don’t like how he’s holding this over your head. Not a good sign, bee.
I think you should come up with a walk date in your head and if he doesn’t propose by then, leave. Whether that’s by the end of the year or shortly after.
I also kinda doubt he was actually going to propose in the summer- it sounds like one of those “well I was going to and then u ruined it by doing xyz” excuses to make you feel bad for his failure to take action.
Do u know if he has a ring?
Post # 5
THIS x 1,000,000 !!! She is being strung along, big time!
Post # 7
I am not sure if he has the ring. About a month ago when I first started being able to go out of the house we went on a date and he asked me a round about question about my ring size. Being the neurotic person I am, I asked him why would you ask me my ring size if you already know? He said well I have to double check right? But then the conversation was dropped. I have said extensively it was my dream to get engaged during the summer since I love the beach etc. and I didnt want to get engaged around the holidays. But things changed, I expressed that because of this huge health scare that I don’t really care. I don’t want to wait a whole nother year just to get engaged next summer. He’s an incredibly stubborn man. He say’s he wants to get married etc. A long time ago I wasn’t ready when he was and he says he wants me to enjoy my engagagement and not worry about my health. But I feel like if I am ready now can’t we get through it together?
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
Why the timing the get engaged even matter? It’s all about wanting to express you would like to commit to each other and I don’t buy delaying engagement and giving lots of ultimatums etc. There isn’t one right time, and it looks like your boyfriend isn’t really concerned about that stage of life just yet.
If he wanted to get engaged I’m sure he’d propose even when you were at the hospital, which is such a romantic proposal. Anyways people are different of course.
Let him know your feelings truly, and if you really do believe he’s being reluctant and even disrespected, don’t let him steal more years of your life.
Post # 9
If he wanted to be engaged you’d be engaged right now.
Post # 10
As someone else who had their “proposal postponed” due to a major health issue, it’s IMO bullshit. Especially when he moves the deadline that far away. The longer they leave you in waiting limbo, the less likely they’ll be to propose. They’ll just find another reason not to do it. My “engagement ring” has been sitting in a drawer for 15 months and when my health was no longer a concern and we got the result we were hoping for, he just “forgot” about his own timeline.
Have a walk date in your head, don’t waste your 20s on someone who pushes back your SHARED future despite what you both agreed on and you want. Life is too short to give someone even more years when they won’t propose.