(Closed) 80/20 Rule

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well said!  I’ve gone through this quite a bit myself!  SO and I have been together almost 7 years…off and on.  And it’s been me and my doubts/curiosity which led to the “off” periods in our relationship.  I think there will always be a “what if I were with someone else” aspect when it comes to me and any relationship I might have.  But, I’ve come to realize it’s the, “What if I weren’t with SO” aspect that makes me realize how much I love the 80% he brings to my life. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

How interesting. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve never really heard the 80/20 idea. Now I’ve got to go ponder stuff. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I do know that no one will ever 100% meet anyone else’s needs 100% of the time, which is what makes me feel better and look at our relationship realistically when we are having our rough patches. Which we do have, especially having been togehter 4 years and living together for 3.

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve never heard of this rule, but the general concept makes a lot of sense. It can be hard to decide which compromises are okay and which you will regret. I guess it comes down to really evaluating how happy you are in the relationship as-is. It’s hard not to second-guess tho, there are a million what-ifs that can’t ever be answered

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Reign14: I did.  And so did he.  Of course, that is a little painful for both of us to think about at times, but I really think it makes us appreciate the other more.  You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? (And I’m damn lucky that I was able to have it back! lol)

Post # 8
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Although I feel like this 80/20 rule must be true, I feel like, if you are asking yourself about this in the first few years, really dwelling on what you’re missing, then the 20% may be too important to you for a compromise. 

I feel like the things I didn’t like about FH that I saw right away were things I didn’t care about or dwell on. Other things came up as the years went on and we got to know each other in every light, but it still didn’t come to, “What if…?” If you can’t help but see the 20% when you have an incredible 80%, then it’s time to make tough decisions. 

I actually thought the title of the thread was going to be a complaint about kissing. “I ALWAYS go 80 and he only goes 20! How can I get him to initiate??” or something heh. 

Post # 11
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This is definitely something I think about a lot too, especially lately.  I mean when things are good, I even feel like we are 90/10! SO has said this too, but maybe we are exaggerating.  Anyway, feeling that way is a good thing… however, there is one thing in my 20 (or 10), that I have a hard time with. It’s just that I am such an affectionate, emotional, hopeless romantic type of girl. My SO tells me I’m a sap all the time (playfully).  He, on the other hand, is a little less into expressing his emotions. I mean he does cuddle me sometimes and he has done some romantic things, but for the most part I just keep finding myself thinking “ugh i wish he’d express himself like i do!” I mean, granted, I know this is a lot of girls’ complaints, but I also know there are some guys that are very romantic because I have dated them. But then again, those guys of mine had other flaws I could not deal with like, oh i dunno, LIARS and CHEATERS! lol. And then I think, my boyfriend is pretty close to perfect. He is amazing, he’s loyal, he treats me well, he makes me laugh a lot, I always have fun with him, and I do belive he loves me very much (he just dont’ always express it)… But even though I have all that in him, I can’t help but think “I want him to be so passionately in love with me as to adore me and treat me like a princess!” And then I wonder, maybe he is “passionately” in love with me, but he doesn’t know how to express it. He has told me though that he is more emotional and affectionate with me than he has been with any of his ex gfs. I dunno, maybe I am just insecure or maybe I am just a brat.

 

I dunno. That’s just something I wonder about. Am I being a brat? And if I do go out and look for that guy, what will be in his 20? Will it be something I can handle? And will I even find another 80/20? What if the best I can do after this is 70/30 or 75/25? Would it be worth it if he was super romantic? Is there even someone out there that has ALL my favorite traits? I mean my bf comes pretty close. I just want him to freakin write poems for me and tell me he misses me every day. OMG now i sound like a freakin chaser of love movie characters! HA! 

 

I mean he has other faults too, like being “super messy,” but that’s one of those things I don’t mind dealing with. I have gotten used to picking up after that boy. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t know…I don’t really think you can put a mathematical theory on relationships, lol. I guess I’ve never really thought about it, if you can…

I don’t really feel like I’m compromising anything, actually. I know he is. I’m seriously ill, I have good days and bad days. It’s up to him to make sure things in the house are running smoothly, like that the dogs/cat are fed, the laundry is done, keeping the house clean, etc, because much of the time I’m just not up to the tasks. He’s also the only one working, so he pays all the bills (including wicked hospital bills) aside from what I get for disability. He’s gone through A LOT just to make sure I’m properly taken care of and that I’m functioning best as I possibly can given the circumstances, not to mention the fact that he’s ALWAYS there when I need to talk, and he always lends a shoulder to cry on. (most of the time I think positively, but I’m only human.) 

He’s just the best person ever. If there’s something I’m compromising for him, then I have no idea what it is. I know he compromises a ton for me, but I guess he just doesn’t focus on that. It doesn’t seem to matter to him. The compromises are so miniscule, or there are so many more positive things about the relationship, that we just don’t even think about them, I guess. 

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