(Closed) 87 til my wedding & one of my BMs backed out! – vent

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Ahh, I’m sorry! I have a bum bridesmaid too if it makes you feel any better!

Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

its a shame she’s not cooperating, since you think she should have the money really, weddings do make u realise who your real  friends are

but i dont understand why do you have to find another BM?

 

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Not everybody is interested in being a bridesmaid, even for their closest friends. Perhaps she did not want to hurt you by telling you that, so this was her way out of the deal. 

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I wouldn’t ask another girl to join you, though, because she’ll definitely fill like a back-up and she’ll have to order a $165 dress when the ‘primary’ BMs only had to pay $70, which isn’t very fair to her,

Your bridal party will look fine uneven. It’s becoming very common, and I would just leave it that way.

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry to hear that you’re going through this. She definitely should’ve let you know a while ago that she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, but you did give her the out. I think it’s better that you find out 3 months before the wedding than 3 weeks before the wedding. So choose another girl, but don’t get your hopes up that your friend will actually show.

Post # 11
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

She’s a close friend but you don’t know what her profession is?

Her former financial situation may not be her current one. Just because her parents paid her way through college doesn’t mean she has money now. And if you were really her friend, you’d understand that. If $165 is a week’s worth of fod (and it is for my husband and I), and she actually told you that, her situation is probably pretty dire. Your wedding is not more important than someone’s ability to support themselves.

And, what is more important: even numbers or having your wedding party filled with people who are actually important to you? It sounds like you are padding your wedding party with people you aren’t close with just to get your numbers up. I think that reflects very poorly on you.

Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wtf tell me this is a joke?  If she doesn’t have the money, she doesn’t have the money.  It isn’t up to you to dictate and judge what is affordable and what isn’t for another person.  Maybe her parents cut her off after college?  What if they don’t support her anymore?  And quite frankly her finances are non of yours anyone other than the IRS’s business.  Just because she’s being honest with you and saying she can’t afford the dress doesn’t make her a “bum Bridesmaid or Best Man.”  If you really want her in the wedding, buy the dress for her.

And DON’T replace her.  You don’t have to have even sides and it’s just going to make another one of your “friends” feel like crap that they were a second rate Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 16
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m with crayfish.  Money is a really embarrassing subject for a lot of people.  It sounds like your friend wanted to be in your wedding, but had no idea how to say “I just can’t afford it” in the first place.  I was in a wedding where one of my friends didn’t buy the outfit, and the couple found out right before the wedding.  He was too mortified to tell them that he didn’t have the money, and thought he would be able to find some until the last minute.  They ended up buying his outfit, because he is a good friend, and it was more important to them that he be in their wedding than pick someone else last minute who had more money.

I know it must be frustrating that a friend backed out, but you should pick your wedding party based on who you want to have up there with you on the day, rather than who can afford things.  Why don’t you just offer to buy the dress and have her pay you back on a payment plan?  Or just buy it and give it to her as a gift?  If my wedding party couldn’t afford their outfits, I never would have said “you’re out”.

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